Feeling furious at this mornings BBC news.

Children and near relatives should take some responsibility for the elderly people in their families, I agree, but I expect that would to some extent depend on how close and loving a relationship was.

I do feel, however, that it is sad when people just "abandon" their parents - either by not visiting them in their own homes or in care homes.

My own Mum is in her nineties and I visit her weekly. I do quite a bit for her - laundry, sorting out her appointments and filing, finances, gardening, tidying up, etc. It is a very long day if I travel by train. She complains constantly, is demanding and quite manipulative. I usually come home feeling very tired, stressed and somewhat depressed. If she were to live with me, I think it would make me ill.

Whether people feel able to care for their parent(s) in their homes is dependent on a number of things, not least the amount of care that is needed and how agreeable (or disagreeable) the parent is. Those who have been able to do it may be of the opinion that everybody can and should do it but I don't think it's that simple.

Taking them into their homes does not mean they have to give up work necessarily.
DM lived with us and I worked not far away and could work (slightly) flexible hours but even so it was a struggle to juggle children, a parent who needed help, a DH working away and work as well.
I was lucky to have a very understanding boss but not everyone's work is so accommodating. Even so, when there were deadlines to meet, my oldest DC had to take over at home and she was only 14 at the time.

I should have added that, although DM needed help because she couldn't do much for herself, she was very easy and agreeable.

People should remember that elderly parents do not always live nearby, or are prepared to accept any help or make any concessions; mine lived 180 miles away, and my father, incapable of looking after my mother, flatly refused to move nearer, downsize into more convenient accommodation, accept any help from social services or stop driving until he was reported as unsafe.
I was powerless to do anything without his consent, and at one time was driving up once a fortnight, between working full time, single parent with teenage children taking GCSEs and A levels. Same as a great many people on here.
It doesn't help being lectured about taking more responsibility and told you could give up work when yours is the only income, and you feel guilty anyway.

I think most people will carry on until they need nursing, which is a different kettle of fish altogether. These days medicine can keep people going for years - quantity rather than quality of life. I think it is essential to have some idea of how we are going to pay for care for at least part of our lives. The younger generation won't be taking us into their homes and spoon feeding us and wiping rear ends. Come to think of it I don't think most of us want or expect it.

Last thing I would want when or if I get decrepit?? is that my children would have to do any personal care for me? but I hope I would be willing to buy in care such as cleaners and someone to bring me meals etc. It worries me how many tales there are in various threads of selfish old people making AC run themselves ragged!suppose I am one of these and not the sweet heart of my imagination??

Does this knuckle head remember how families lived, when every family cared for own elderly? Elderly grandparents sharing bedrooms and beds with their grandchildren or even sleeping on the living room settee, elderly people with no privacy, no belongings, children having to deal with incontinent grandparents and help them to the commode or outside loo.

Oh happy times! Why doesn't he go and live like that for a while and see how he likes it.

These days medicine can keep people going for years - quantity rather than quality of life
I do think that modern medicines can give quality of life too as well as, in many cases, prolonging it.

I think what many 'experts' fail to understand is that older people do have minds of their own and rightly or wrongly, think that they are capable of carrying on with their lives as they see fit until they are in need of nursing - which could be then beyond the capabilities of even the most caring family member.

We're people, not problems.

When politicians (it usually is politicians) make pious pronouncements about elderly care, I invariably wonder whether they'd say the same if they ever had to look after anyone with beyond early stage dementia, 24/7, with virtually no help or time off.

After doing that for say 3 months, they might be entitled to comment.