The pain of being a widower.

It’s good that you have reached out here to talk Rowan.
Echoing what others say - about just getting out for board games, coffee, interaction with others for even short spells if you can.

What I would say is that I personally found the 2-year mark utterly crippling, way worse than year 1, I couldn’t comprehend how it could get worse, but actually things did start to improve very soon after the 2 year point - if that gives you something small and positive to cling on to.

Life never will be the same We do not get over the loss of a spouse just gradually reshape life around that loss I agree you need to take up a hobby or join a group to impyove your mood Social isolation is not healthy Well done for putting words to how you feel here thats a good first step

I hope you don't think this sounds a bit predictable, but having a dog might help. Depending on your state of health you could get a puppy or an older dog.

My dog gives me a reason to get up and get started with the day. I get exercise and meet fellow dog walkers and chat.

I wish you all the best.

Rowan1963
Fully understand how you feel. Dh died 4 years ago, DD 3 years prior. I feel the initial grief is lightened as you are busy dealing with all the ins and outs of bereavement distracted a bit from the absolute loss. You then become aware of this "it's just me now" life and even though managing to do as everyone seems to say you should ie find activities to fill your day you still know why you are doing it all. I did exactly that but have slowly realised contact with people, organisations does not replace the missing link in your life. Even though saying the missing one would want you to be happy there is a kind of guilt creeps in and then you feel back at square one. I don't have family near me and my best friend is 40 miles away so most of my contact with others is through the last two of the groups I made contact with 3 years ago. Being absolutely honest, I do have to convince myself I am not depressed but that this is grief for losing two people who were precious to me and it is normal. I am sure for some a phone call to some of the bereavement organisation would definitely be helpful to some and perhaps I will, in time, be one of those. Rowan1963 you are not alone and I do wish I could offer a quick magic solution to help you.

One of my friends is going through this now.
She feels as though there is a chasm in her life .
Grief is actually physically painful.
I agree with the other gransnetters join some groups and fill your life with a much enjoyable distraction as you can -you just might meet someone .
God bless .

A post script-you might not want to meet someone -but new friends help a great deal .
At the moment-I'm enjoying the company of a gay man with whom I can have long chats without feeling compromised in any way .
I'm not grieving for a spouse ,but for my Father .
I have found his passing really hard to take .

Rowan, try to get out each day, just a walk, say hello to people, call in your local for a drink one day or maybe go to a coffee shop, be round people. It just gets you out of the house and gets a bit of structure to your day. Been on my own so long now but sometimes I do feel lonely having no one close but everyone does i think at times.,
Life is never going to be as it was but it can and will be good.

sweetpotatopie

Oh, so sorry.

That's a place we'll all reach sooner or later, all who are lucky to be in a good relationship anyway. Either we'll go or they will.

I think you'll be happier if you try to re-vamp your life. Take up a new interest, join some kind of group, the possibilities are endless. To have more in your life, you have to go after it though. Best wishes.

It is so hard when you lose your soulmate and it definitely takes time to find your new life, but you will in time. I appreciate life will never be the same, but it can be good. How about volunteering. What do you like doing, perhaps join a group that does just that, but as a volunteer. You will enjoy what you do and have a purpose. Nothing like volunteering for renewed purpose and job satisfaction. You honestly get more back than you give. You have nothing to lose and can do as little and as much as you are able to. Which county are you living in?

My friend just lost her beloved husband of 64 years. They had the happiest of marriages. In this context, the words of Tennyson came to mind, ‘tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all ‘
So sorry for all who have lost your life-partners