Adult kids staying and not contributing.

They will soon be gone. Surely you don't want them to go and there being a falling out? I would be disappointed too if my children did this but I would have other stronger feelings that they were going so far away and at my age I may never see them again.

That is just taking the cake and the biscuit. But tbh is too late now, it would have been better to establish house rules in the beginning, asking them if they could shop and make dinner at least once a week and clean up after dinner if you have made it, also you should have shown them how household appliances work and told them to tidy up after themselves. All this could have been done in a lighthearted manner without being heavy handed. And when you went away you could have left them a list of jobs that would need doing without it seeming onerous.
Sorry this happened. But am afraid sometimes our adult children regress when at home with mum and dad and need reminding that they are now independent adults who should clean their own mess.

My first thought was I’m glad my children don’t behave like that. Younger son ended up staying with us for a year during Covid. He did his share of cooking, cleaning and feeding the cats. But it’s probably too late now OP.

Hind sight is a great thing ! But whats done is water under the bridge
Grit your teeth and remember they will soon be far away , it’s a pity their thoughtlessness is marring these last few days
I hope you can stick it out till they go , you will have such mixed feelings 💐

I agree with all of your responses and of course I don’t want any unpleasantness before they leave.
I think it is disappointment I’m feeling as he wasn’t brought up to behave this way. Leaving a list of jobs to be done while we’re away seems odd to me as they lived in their own place previously and would surely clean the bathrooms and hoover regularly!
I didn’t think “ground rules” needed to be set as he was obviously brought up in my household and knows how we live.
🤷🏼‍♀️ it’s done now and he’s going soon and of course I’m devastated. It helps to have written down how I’m feeling.

Thinking of you.

This kind of disruption is huge.
Maybe remember it is a lovely thing you are giving them and will soon be over.... and then you will miss them!

You will undoubtedly be busy (and exhausted) once they go though.

Just plod on and try to focus on the good things about this time together- no point worrying about what should have been agreed.

To be fair there is a lot in your head when you move country and it's easy sometimes to be wrapped up in your own worries and concerns.
We moved to America (via my parent's home) and that last week felt very chaotic with lots to check and finalise and knowing we would arrive with a small daughter, knowing nobody and without a home.
I'm sure we were selfish that week.

I can understand how you feel.

I think, in the circumstances, I would write it all off.
Learn for another time, if there is another time.
And things might be different again.

The dismissive, lax, and inconsiderate action over the car fault would seriously p**s me off for a start and I would have had firm words with them both. Clearly, they have no respect for your home or possessions - perhaps they thought if you made no reaction over the car being abandoned that you didn’t really care about things in general??

I’d be tempted to get t(em both involved in a big house clean in the days leading up to them leaving with the excuse that it will help to identify any of their stuff that that they could potentially leave behind.

Not sure how to tackle the meal though…..could they possibly have a surprise planned for you?

Well done for getting it off your chest!
That’s one of the many benefits of Gransnet.
Your AC behaviour and treatment of you is completely out of order but in the great scheme of things and at such a critical time, its not worth falling out over.
Your AC will certainly benefit from becoming an immigrant and forced to stand on their own two feet.

I think the most hurtful thing is that you have not been invited to the meal with your son's cousin.
I'm pinning my hopes on a surprise 'thankyou' meal for you and your husband. I hope they do that for you.
Whatever happens, say nothing about your feelings. Keep the peace and part on good terms.
Thinking of you at this time.

could they possibly have a surprise planned for you?

I wondered this too, Astitchintime

Thank you all for listening and the good advice!

I would be extremely upset and think they’ve behaved quite badly, however, it’s likely you’re not going to see them for a while.

Let it go

I don’t think there’s a surprise planned - I doubt it’s occurred to them. I asked about this evening’s plans and was told that they “think” they’re going out to dinner with my nephew.
When I mentioned that we’re going shopping for dinner tonight and for general stuff as we’ve been away, nothing further was mentioned, just that those were their plans.
I adore the pair of them, but in many ways can’t wait to “get back to (the new) normal”, but will miss my youngest desperately.

I think some adult children fall back into being children rather than adults if they return to the family home. It's obviously hurtful but i agree it's probably too late to do anything now. Chalk it off to experience.

I think some adult children fall back into being children rather than adults if they return to the family home

That is a very good point.

And probably some of us enable this...
😬

I agree with other posters about keeping everything pleasant before your family emigrate, fancythat is probably right. Knowing me though I wouldn't have taken my own advice, the words would have been out of my mouth before brain engaged.
Hope everything works out well for them in Australia.

I cannot understand how some adult children cannot think of contributing in some way. Maybe they think you are made of money!

When I left home and visited my parents I always took a box of food to help out. When I was married with my own kids I did the same if we stayed for a weekend. Once they put us all up plus the dog for two weeks while we had sold one house and were waiting to get in the new one. I helped with the cooking, provided food and hid some money in their bed as we left because I knew they would not accept it if I handed it to them.

When our children stay we pay for everything. We call it 'parents' rights'😀. We enjoy spoiling them. All the same, I would be hurt if they left the car somewhere and didn't have the house clean and tidy when we'd been away for a week. I'd expect them to have a meal ready, really.

I don't think it's worth saying anything now, really. Adult children can be selfish sometimes, and it's not worth falling out when they live so far away.

I also wondered if the 'meal with cousin' would turn out to be a surprise. I hope so

It’s not been a good ending, and going to leave a bad taste in your mouth, but as the kids song says ‘let it go’ you don’t want any falling out before they emigrate Sad about not being invited to a ‘last supper’ …very thoughtless and a bit unkind
It’s always good (I think) to get back to normal after an event or period of upheaval. You ll be sad and relieved at the same time anyway when you go and stay with them don't do too much in the way of housework 😀

Doodlebug as my children and even my grandchildren all earn a looooot more than I ever have I m happy for them to buy the food and drink and put towards outings when they stay with me

I think most people don't do cleaning or hoovering every week.

BlueBelle

Doodlebug as my children and even my grandchildren all earn a looooot more than I ever have I m happy for them to buy the food and drink and put towards outings when they stay with me

Mine are still young and starting out though, which makes a difference.