Adult kids staying and not contributing.

All my 3 AC have lived with me at some time or another. Even after they married By that time, I was in the middle of a divorce (from their father) - it was tough. There were arguments , because my mind was not in the right place.
I do hope they now understand .

My son and daughter help a lot when they stay here, which is quite frequently as we live by the coast. Son cooks, vacuums, waters the garden, loads the dishwasher etc. Daughter helps cook and does the dishes, also cleaned the windows once. They bring some food and pay their way if we go out. I couldn't cope with your son and his wife doing nothing and would have asked them to help at the start. Too late now but if they visit in the future ask them to help.

Granimal

Sorry, but whenever parents complain about adult children’s behaviour, I think “Well, you brought them up!”

Helpful

Whenever I hear about people who are rarely asked for advice/have few friends I think ‘well, you always made those who approached you feel worse.’

I remember when we used to stay with my parents - I wouldn't have dreamed of hoovering or cleaning, my mother would have been up in arms. I said I would strip the bed before I left and she was adamant she just wanted it left and she would strip it when she felt like it. I stopped offering to do anything after a while and just let her get on with it. It was a rod she made for her own back - she hated anyone else doing anything around her home.

No one even made tea in my mother's house until she decided one day she was sick of making tea for everyone and told everyone to make their own when they wanted it.

Sorry, but whenever parents complain about adult children’s behaviour, I think “Well, you brought them up!”

Sli1260

I agree with all of your responses and of course I don’t want any unpleasantness before they leave.
I think it is disappointment I’m feeling as he wasn’t brought up to behave this way. Leaving a list of jobs to be done while we’re away seems odd to me as they lived in their own place previously and would surely clean the bathrooms and hoover regularly!
I didn’t think “ground rules” needed to be set as he was obviously brought up in my household and knows how we live.
🤷🏼‍♀️ it’s done now and he’s going soon and of course I’m devastated. It helps to have written down how I’m feeling.

Very well stated.

It is a true pity that their parental environmental hygiene lacks respect ..

So sorry ..

It is hard when you know you will not be seeing them for some time to come. I think you should zip the lip and keep things sweet for this last short time.

After they have gone hopefully that entirely justified feeling of resentment will fade.

If they come to stay for any length of time in future you will be forewarned!

I would send them the bill for retrieving the car!

Just ask why

Well ... you could book a stay in Australia and annoy them !

Just enjoy them while you can. Each of our 5 have had extended stays here due to moving, marital breakdowns etc. It was hard work but we gave been grateful to be able to help.

welbeck

I think most people don't do cleaning or hoovering every week.

Are you kidding !!

They're probably very excited and very stressed at the same time. They're treating you like they're your kids and letting you look after them, not just visitors. It's probably the climax of a very demanding few months getting ready to leave and they're decompressing before moving on. They're being with you, spending time with you. OK, they're not thinking of what you might want - but in a way it's very sweet as it shows they see you as someone they can chill out with and relax around. They've been with you for a good time and personally I'd try and reframe the experience and treasure those last days before they leave rather than feel resentful. I'd certainly have stories to share about how untidy they are and but they haven't done any real damage and theres plenty of time to clear up once they've gone. I wouldn't have been as laid back about the car though! Let them go out with members of their own generation on their last night and wave goodbye the next day without any ill will.

welbeck

I think most people don't do cleaning or hoovering every week.

Don't they? Honestly I think they do. I could not think of anything worse than a untidy dirty house. Especially when I come back to it.

Remember this when you go and visit. Put your feet up sip that GT and wait to have dinner cooked for you then go sit in the garden, leave them to it. Sending love it’s hard when they go, mine have been gone 12 yrs I visit often though for month at a time.

Ah well, moving to Australia will resolve any future pro blems. Just make sure they understand if tgey come back for a visit they will be in and AirBnB Or Travelodge. Sound a bit "entitled" to behave so selfishly.

I’d ask them what they were planning to do about the car. Then I’d probably make a big fuss tidying and cleaning in the hope they would feel bad and chip in . I’d be annoyed too but would probably suck it up since they are leaving. Pretty disrespectful to arrange a leaving dinner and not invite you, maybe they have a plan to treat you too

Hello Sli,
My absolute advice is say nothing. Emotions run high when any sort of travel or especially as they are moving to Australia. You will feel bereft. My daughter in law is Dutch and we have a wonderful grand daughter. Often they stay with us and things get strained due to expectations and other stuff. So hug deeply and part in peace🙂Lallylou.

Go and stay with them for 2 weeks in Australia and treat them the way they treated you.

My son and his family went to live in Australia 6 years ago. Enjoy the mess whilst you can , just grit your teeth. You will be so glad you did once they are gone. My lot are very happy there and doing very well. I miss them a lot but keep reminding myself that they are happy. The children are growing and look a picture of health, they are so active and it would never occur to them to sit in with their x-boxes except when the weather is poor and that is a rare compared to here ! When they last visited me, I just turned a blind eye to the mess, refused any help with the food, cooked and cooked and didn’t waste one second worrying about mess or the tons of washing, it had to wait until they went and I had lots of time to clear up. I bet when your lot come home to visit, you will be the same

I think l would be glad to see the back of them tbh.Besudes their stay They have behaved in an appalling. manner about your car.
I don't agree that adult children just automatically regress when they stay at their parents house. You should have set some ground rules.Too.latenow.

Anyway as you may not see them for a while. You will unfortunately have to just suck it up.

Hope you do get a surprise meal.But don't count in it.

Cope with it now, but get your own back when you go out to visit them!

VANECAM

Well done for getting it off your chest!
That’s one of the many benefits of Gransnet.
Your AC behaviour and treatment of you is completely out of order but in the great scheme of things and at such a critical time, its not worth falling out over.
Your AC will certainly benefit from becoming an immigrant and forced to stand on their own two feet.

👏👏👏👏👏

Good advice.
Last sentence is interesting and accurate and I hope it makes the OP chuckle.

Sli1260

Wellbeck: really? Most people I know hoover at least every other day and clean weekly 🤷🏼‍♀️

Same here, I couldn't leave a week between cleaning.

When you go to visit them down under make sure you take advantage of their hospitality to the same degree.

welbeck

I think most people don't do cleaning or hoovering every week.

What?

Do you suppose they live in squalor rather like the people who feature in those TV programmes about compulsive hoarders?

I hope not!