Getting 'told off' by DH anyone else experienced this strange behaviour?

My mother used to say that “men get miserable when they get older”.
I’m so glad I’m divorced and happily living on my own.

My husband can be a bit like this as well, he's 57 and took early retirement last August . He comes across as a really chilled guy , but can be a bit picker. Anything I suggest in the house, he poo poos . But anything he decides we need, he doesn't even discuss wit me, but tells his elderly parents everything I play him at his own game now. Luckily I have my 2 daughters from my first marriage and my family are great. I think.men get quite grumpy when they get older

Yes I must learn to play that trick. Think next time he says anything I will agree wholeheartedly with him. Want to take the bikes to the dump? okay you're right I agree. Lol it could be fun!

Seriously though I'm getting angry because he doesn't realise how stupid he's being and how illogical.

You should, I call his bluff all the time , and guess what, he never does what he says he will 🤷‍♀️

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Just wondering Curiousdan has he recently retired and now suddenly he has more time.
My DH is 65 but still working he has his own business but that leaves him little time to worry about day to day stuff so he rarely comments on the sort of things you mention.
If he does make a daft comment I say 'that's nice' we both in our time have watched the comedy Mrs Brown's boys so he knows exactly what that means

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

Ummmm bit of a name change there
Someone piggybacking or both scam posters ?

It’s the Easter holidays! 🐣

Why does he assume he’s ‘in charge’ ? I don’t know how you put up with being treated like this

Nicegranny

My mother used to say that “men get miserable when they get older”.
I’m so glad I’m divorced and happily living on my own.

My husband isn't like that. And I am glad to be married and living with my lovely husband.

Curiousdan, seems to me that you have 2 options - smile swwtly and agree or tell him to shut up!

Next time you walk into the room, Curiousdan , look around at the sofa, and if his glasses are lying on the arm, remove them carefully to the other side of the room, saying gently "They will be safer here". He will have to get up for them when he needs to read anything, but that is his problem, not yours.

Buy a couple of those racks that fix on the shed wall to hold his gardening tools, and suggest he puts them up and keeps his tools out of the way of the bikes.

Be pro-active and get him doing what YOU want, don't wait for him to be "in charge" and nag you for not reading his mind.

Why don't you tell him that you're not a child and wont be spoken too and treated as if you are Curiousdan? It would have been better to object when he first started this behaviour, but that doesn't mean it's too late to do so now.

Me too kittylester.

Curiousdan and corsetclique seem to be the same person?

Smileless2012

Why don't you tell him that you're not a child and wont be spoken too and treated as if you are Curiousdan? It would have been better to object when he first started this behaviour, but that doesn't mean it's too late to do so now.

Me too kittylester.

If its not a scam, You're being bullied. Its abusive. You can't let this go on. The drop drop drop effect of constantly being picked on is very powerful.

Do you really want to carry on living with someone like this?

Just let me say first I am not corsetclique!!!!

Thanks for all your replies.

Yes DH retired three years ago. Apart from this stupidness he's a good husband - just getting grumpier the older he gets. Last night I gave the ultimatum 'any more of this behaviour and he's on his own'. He's very normal this morning so maybe he gets it now.

Mine’s like this, I totally ignore it. He’s getting horribly like his father too….

My dh has improved with age. He has become more tolerant and looks after me really well. However, after 63 years of marriage we are well used to each other and this helps.

My DH isn't retired yet but he is becoming a bit of a Victor Meldrew.

DH also does things like the OP's DH. For example, he will point out trivial things that need doing e.g. plants watering, room could do with hoovering etc.

Nowadays I just say, 'Am I the only person who lives here'.

He also leaves things in random places which means he can never find them again e.g. keys, glasses. He now has a dish in the kitchen where I put all of the random stuff he has left around.

I have noticed that he is becoming more and more untidy as he gets older. He leaves his clothes on the bedroom chair for weeks. I threaten to throw them in the wardrobe if he hasn't moved them by the weekend. I find that he actually does move them when threatened

I'm so glad I live alone.. irritability could also be a sign of heart problems

When my DH uses the word ‘should’, I answer by using the word Dad! ‘ Should ‘ is a word used by people in ‘critical parent’ mode. The likely response is the rebellious child or compliant child voice. If you were speaking to a toddler, think of the responses that you would get. (NO or yes daddy) . I was a management skills trainer and when I did a session on Transactional Analysis , people realised that bosses who used the critical parent voice came across as aggressive, bullying, pedantic and generally not good news. Lots of delegates commented on how understanding the ‘voice’ that was used, helped a huge amount!
When hearing that voice from our other halfs, it’s no wonder we get irritated.

My OH sometimes isn't keen on things I suggest for the house but I've found that by drip feeding it to him,hinting and pointing things out to him that are similar ,he usually belie.ves the idea was his in the first place .
Having said that if I want to do something I will just do it anyway and he doesn't think my painting is up tp his standard so will immediately take over when he sees me open a can of emulsion .
He's not grumpy though or only in the morning .He, like me has always been a nighthawk Happy to sit up playing music until dawn.Happens a lot now we've retired .

To be honest the "glasses thing" just shows him up as being daft! It's a daft place to keep them anyway but once an accident had happened to continue to do so is ridiculous!

just getting grumpier the older he gets

The incidents you describe don't really sound like grumpiness. More like a patronising and "my way or the high way" attitude towards you. I would not be able to put up with that! Are you maybe being rather too tolerant of his "grumpiness"?

Today I sat on his glasses and the lens fell out. It was my fault because I should know that he always keeps his glasses on the arm of the chair

Reply:
"If you didn't leave them in such a daft place it wouldn't happen. Up to you!"

A few days ago I should have known he was driving a certain route to go to a supermarket and he was angry because I should have said we didn't need to go shopping

Reply:
"Its not my fault that you didn't explain you were going to the supermarket or ask if we needed shopping!"

Just now I knocked his glasses again by coming in through the door and walking too close to the sofa. There's about an 18 inch space to walk into the room but he was 'perplexed' as to why I got so close to the sofa arm

Reply:
"Its up to you where you leave your glasses but dont blame me if something happens to them when you leave them in a daft place. It's an accident waiting to happen"

Once when I was out he rang and told me off for leaving the bedroom door open when DS2's friends were in the house - I'd not been in all day

Reply:
"Dont be ridiculous! And dont ring me about duchbsilly things, I'm busy!"

Okay so these things are trivial on the scale of things but also very annoying

They ARE ridiculous and HE needs to stop it!!

I told him to write a list of things I can and can't do and I will try to abide by it!

Hmm...so he is allowed to issue instructions like this is he!! Who does he think he is. He's your life partner not your life controller!

I also asked if the gardening tools could go in the shed and he said yes but the bikes would have to go to the scrapyard (they are perfectly good bikes)

"Oh dont be ridiculous, they ate perfectly good bikes and we need them. I'm going to....to sort the shed out"

I really do think you need to stop pandering to him. HE is being ridiculous and selfish and YOU deserve more respect!