Feel a bit sad and unwanted

My older son was very close to his gran (my M-I-L), but obviously as he grew up and needed less looking after, the relationship developed. She was actually the first person to know that he was going to get engaged to his girl friend! There’s still much to look forward to as he moves into young adulthood.

He knows where you are, if he needs help with anything at all I’m sure he’ll contact you!

sodapop

Quite the opposite Skydancer you should be congratulating yourself on a job well done. You have helped to bring up your grandson to be an independent young man and been a big support to your family. Now it's time to follow your own interests and hobbies.
Why don't you suggest the occasional mert up with your grandson because you will miss him not because he needs looking after. Enjoy this new phase of your life.

My thoughts exactly. You and his mum have done an excellent job.

Well done Skydancer for all those years of loving care. I find that the mere mention of a full roast dinner and my 19 year old grandson asks “what time do you want me to come?”?

Don't feel unwanted or sad. Your grandson is now old enough to look after himself and I am sure that he will have happy memories of the times you have spent together - that will never change. I had the same thing happen with my grandson at 15. He is now out and about with his friends and I am so happy that I had a hand in bringing him up and when I do see him now, we laugh at some of the happy memories we share. Maybe it's time for you now, time to take up a hobby or join a group. I'm a member of U3A and I learned bridge with them and now have a whole social circle of people who were eager to make friends. So again, don't feel sad, feel proud and start to find interests yourself.

You have done a good job, and so have his parents if he is mature enough now to manage on his own.

Please do not drop in. Doing so will make your grandson feel you don't trust him, and make his mother feel you are undermining her authority, as she has given him permission to be on his own.

Both of them have your phone number and know they can phone you if anything crops up to worry them. They are far more likely to do so, if you accept this new development gracefully.

He is fifteen - next year I believe in the UK he can leave home permanently if he wants, so spending the Easter holiday without supervision whilst his parents are at work is a good thing.

SnowberryZ,

I agree with what you have said. I have 2 small GS's and provide childcare but I make sure I do the things I want to do as well.

I understand, it does take a bit of adjustment once they start to find their own independence and take their first steps. My grandsons are 14 and 12. They want money for Christmas and birthdays and are no longer overly interested in trips out with us. This aside, we still see them and know that they love us. It is such a difficult age for them and they need to find their feet. Make sure you have colossal quantities of his favourite food in and spoil him rotten when you see him. You will find a new level and you really haven’t wasted anything ???

Let go - or he can't 'come back' as an adult. That is really important; don't be a 'hanger on'.

Your grandson will still know how much you love and care for him. It is sad when they start being independent, but they are preparing for adulthood which is natural.
It's the same for parents too, when children leave and start their own separate lives.
I'm sure you will be able to meet up with him at intervals, and you will both enjoy each other's company as you used to do.

I don’t trawl through old posts, so don’t know op history. At 15 I was working full time. He should be with people his own age as it would be a bit weird a 15 yr old just as grandmas companion.
It would seem you have made him the centre of your world. Make your own life now. My grandchildren used to stay here and go on holiday all the time, I rarely see them now however I would do the same again. They are all happy people with jobs and friends and hopefully they look back on happy times when they were young.

It is the natural order of things - it must have happened with your own children. Just be happy that you had all those years.

I agree Monica I did loads and loads of childcare particularly with the two whose daddy died when they were very young, but just like a mother a grandparent has to expect the drift away it’s a totally natural progression and if a 15 year old boy still relied on his grand mum then he would actually have a problem
I think what’s wrong here is skydancer for whatever reason didn’t think it would happen to her and her grandson so it’s been a big shock she didn’t see it coming perhaps you gave too much skydancer but take heart it’s only a new and very healthy phase, he may soon move away to Uni or college or travelling and this stage is a big preparation for you as much as for him

Fill your life with other things he’s still your ‘lad’ no one can take that away and 15 is a good age some people lose their grandkids attention at 12/13 ….you ve done well

Life comes in stages and just like we went through the dependence - independence stage as children and then our children did, now grandchldren are. We are just coming up to that stage.

It is what always happens and can be expected. As before we change our lives as children/grandchildren change theirs.

Surely this is something the OP should have known was iminent and been prepared for. I can understand a touch of wistful nostalgia, when it happens, but wasted years? I cannot imagine why.

Skydancer, the time and devotion you gave your GS is not wasted! You will have made a lasting memory for him - he is a lucky boy to have that. All four of my GP had died before I was born , of course I never knew them but in a strange way I have always missed them . I envied my school friends who had their GP ! Your GS will have remember the fun times you shared , forever! Of course the good times are not over , you will be able to spend time with him and will also see him at family gatherings. Time waits for no man and situations go with that change. I was working full time at 15 and had to navigate a busy city to get to work , often for 7am . Your GS does not need a babysitter, he will be fine. Message him occasionally to let him know you are there if he needs you but please don’t be too attentive ! Embrace the change , enjoy this next stage and rest assured you have given your GS stability that will stand him in good stead - well done you !

Unfortunately this is the way things are, my eldest GS is 14 and if he's not zzzzzzz (!!!!) he's out with his mates.

Why don't you suggest tea out somewhere, I take my GS and GD ( 13 ) out periodically even if its just for an hour or 2, I call it our time, its not in the category of supervision ( those days have gone ) its in the category of spending precious time together.

Same advice as others here. Enjoy the memories, be pleased and grateful that you have been a key part of raising this young person, now give him space while keeping the contact in ways that is right for him at 15. Be interested in him and if you drive maybe offer lifts to some of his activities, sharing a car with a teenager is often when they find it easy to talk. Please don't check up on your grandson or do or say anything that suggests he has a 'duty' to be with you. Meanwhile can you see this as a time when you look ahead to new activities and friends for yourself?

I haven’t read any old threads but I m sorry to say anyone who makes a grandchild ‘all their world’ is in trouble because all children move away from you it’s a very big part of growing up and it would be a very damaged child who didn’t move on
Find a new hobby, volunteer, new friends but do NO checking up on your grandson the message you will give him is ‘i don’t trust you’

Skydancer

You posted in Sept 21 about your gc - how disappointed you were about him wanting to spend time with his friends

You also posted about you making him your world - that clearly comes across this recently thread

It sounds like he has been trying to be more independent, which is normal for his age, for a while now

Please let him go - don't let this damage the relationship with gc and daughter, as you do not approve of her decisions with her child.

It is very interesting you observe your daughter's behaviour as clingy and needy with her partners when you seem to be doing the same here

He is 15, way old enough

I have twin DGC , and used to have them once a week when small and then after school once a week . Now they are 11 and in High school , very busy with sport etc . Last week the DGS turned up at my house - “I’m going to look after you today Grandma “ ! I was awaiting a hip op so not able to get out much.bob think his sister had gone out with friends and both parentsWFH . It was lovely we had lunch and he taught me how to play a game on my phone. Hip replacement done today ??.

I had an aunt that I adored. But then I became a teenager. I then moved away from home. I remember getting a letter to say she’d died but I didn’t go to her funeral. Years later I became very good friends with her daughter and then her grandson ( the latter being the same age as me). I’m horrified now that I lost touch with her because I never stopped loving her.

I helped a lot with our twins until they were nearly three when our circumstances changed I stopped on a regular basis. Now they are at school I don’t get asked at all to help out. We still see them on a regular basis but I felt sad at the time as letting go is difficult.
Why don’t you ask if your grandson wants to nip to yours for lunch when he isn’t seeing his friends one day. If the answer is no don’t fret you have well done your job as a loving gran. As others have suggested go out with friends or volunteer so you are occupied.

It is life - your gs' needs changed

Please find another purpose, how about volunteering?

Oh Skydancer give yourself a pat on the back for helping to raise an independent young man. This was time well spent!
I do agree with other posters, too - to keep in touch, offer food, which is rarely rejected ?

This is the whole trouble of parenthood and grand parenthood! You bring them up independent and resourceful…..and then they are! Good luck in your new career and yes of course you can feel sad.

There is no way that was wasted time. Grandchildren like our children grow up and fly the coop. I bet he is a smashing young person and will end up contributing much to society in future. I understand it is a wrench, but you will find your feet eventually.