Such different attitudes to cooking/food is causing hugh rift between us

I could have written win‘s post, totally agree with paying a carer or a restaurant to prepare the meals at least occasionally. I doubt he’d criticise then, if it’s not you! If it’s not affordable, my first Gousto box came today as I’m really fed up of thinking about meals too. The ingredients look good, there are loads of menu choices, and some recipes supposedly take minutes to cook. I think some stern words are needed too, I can see why he thinks you should now make an effort cooking for him, when he’s done it for both of you, but you’re under enough pressure as it is and it’s time to remind him that, ill or not, belittling the person caring for him is not on. All the best.

Can I add another firm to the list of those to order from if you wanted too? We tried Pasta Evangelists online ordering during the first lockdown when we were unable to get much food from the supermarket, and took out a subscription as they were so tasty. They deliver as frequently as you want, provided you buy 2 meals at any one time, you choose the weeks you want deliveries, can pause at any time, and get offered a selection which includes veggie and meat options. They sometimes throw in extra treats, like a cocktail. They are not excessively expensive, though maybe not for every meal. The meals heat up in a few minutes, and come with clear instructions. I only stopped getting them as I was piling on weight and thought that nice pasta with rich sauces regularly probably wasn’t helping

It causes problems here, the different tastes.
Luckily one of us is only 14, so can be overruled.

It really gets on my wick, though, and spoils my already lukewarm feelings towards cooking.

I’ve ordered gousto this week it’s like building Lego with food. Really easy to follow instructions and tastes decent if you have 30/40 mins to invest cooking. I’d never have all those spices in.

Could you have a carer in for an hour every evening simply to cook for you, it would be cheaper than buying all this ready made food and so much nicer. The carer could cook just for your husband or for both of you. Use his Attendance Allowance for that. I so sympathise I have cooked for 40 years plus and now totally dislike cooking, I live on salads, Jacket Potatoes and the like, having to cook properly again would be an issue for me too. So sorry you are in this position, I hope you have support as a carer.

I don't like many ready meals with potato but I think the M&S Chinese, Thai, Indian meal boxes are ok.
I think Waitrose do them too.

Since your husband like rice, noodles and exotic dishes, I would suggest going to an oriental supermarket, and get the different type of ready made sauces for Indian, Thai, Malaysian, Chinese or Japanese food.
You can use them in noodles, stir fry and curries.
The bakery and butcher in our town sell a huge selection of pies – all types of meat pies and vegetarian ones too, they are much, much nicer than the pies sold in the supermarket.

How about Hello Fresh or Gousto, perhaps a couple of times a week? My husband only ever eats plain foods (although likes a curry, usually has the same one though) and I like to try new meals every so often.

Another thank you. Lots of suggestions to mull over.

The nail's knocked on the head with the realisation that Mr B's hitting out and as I'm closest, I'm getting it in the neck. He spent an active life and now what he loved most, cooking gourmet meals, has been put to an untimely halt, along with not being able to walk, do personal care - all within a couple of years. The cooking ability is the last thing to defeat him and me, and it's cut him deeply, it's hard to cook from a bed.

As some have suggested, I will try getting a specified list of the mysterious ingredients required to start out cooking a very simple rice/noodle dish, under his full instructions, which he can yell at me from his room. I will try and see it as an exciting new venture for me, but I'm not giving up on the egg'n'chips.

I'll certainly be trying out some of the suggestions/advice you've given me.

Really on reading what I originally I wrote (whilst crying) I so needed someone to say 'don't worry, you're doing fine' and you've done just that....

Have you got a slow cooker, boheminan?

You could batch cook his more spicy meat dishes, freeze them in portions and just cook rice or noodles with them.
foodfornet.com/10-sizzling-spicy-slow-cooker-recipes

Frankly, the man is bedridden, which is hard on anyone, so it seems a shame he can't enoy his food.

It is hard on you too and listening to snide comments can't be making it any easier.

So quite apart from the vegetarian - meat-eater issue, I think there are other things you and he need to talk to each other about. The pair of you need to discuss the following:

You don't seem to like cooking - fair enough, a lot of people don't. You husband seems to have enjoyed it, but now he cannot do it.

I would think buying ready made meals is far too expensive, and it assuredly is not healthy. But it might be the best alternative, as I assume you are doing a lot else for him apart from being head cook and bottle washer.

If you want to go on cooking, you will need to get your husband to dictate or write out one or two of his easier recipes, step for step and follow them.

And he needs to confine himself to making helpful remarks with no trace of sarcasm.

This doesn't mean he cannot mention that something you served lacked salt, flavour or the like, but he needs to do so politely.
None of us have ever become good at something if we were told all the time that our attempts were no good.

If you get really stuck, I am sure you can find a youtube video that demonstrates the process.

You could also look for a school cookery book and use it, as I get the feeling that cooking has never either interested you or been something you felt good at.

If you can make good eggs and chips then you can use both a frying pan and a chip pan, so make him a chop in the frying pan, following the instructions in the school cookery book, if you really do not know how to do it, which I find hard to believe, and chips in the chip pan, or boil potatoes for him.

Chicken nuggets, chicken drumsticks etc. can be cooked in the chip pan, you know.

What sort of meals do you eat? A compromise could well entail him eating your meals once or twice a week, and you making one thing for yourself and something else for him on another two, vegetable soup on the fifth day, and some other vegetable dishes on the last two days with cold sliced meat for him.

I am sure you would have thought of this yourself if you weren't worn to a frazzle with a bedridden husband, all the housework, repairs and so on to attend to.

I have a yen for double egg and proper chips.

GrannyGravy13

bohemian give him the phone, a selection of takeaway menus along with his wallet and leave him to sort his own meals out.

this i agree with.
some of the detailed suggestions on here while well meant are totally unrealistic for someone who doesn't cook.
i don;t cook and don't know what most of you are talking about.
i guess it is hard for us to enter, understand each others' lives.
like two tribes.

I am also a vegetarian egg and chips gal, I tend to cook basic simple food and don't go in for extravagant food. My other half enjoys cooking more than me and he too is a meat eater although he's happy to eat vegetarian food too. He's very good at throwing all sorts together and coming up with tasty dishes, however he's currently getting over Covid at the moment and is happy to receive and eat whatever I present him with gratitude, hopefully he'll be up and cooking very soon. Day four and I've run out of ideas!!!!
Although I will cook meat if I have to, Quorn gives him stomach ache. So thinking cap on!!

I know two couples who are , one meat eating, one veg, so they sometimes have meals together so that there are two of each type at the meal, makes a change and gives a chance to try something new, so of course they have 2 veg and 2 meat eating people. Another possibility could be if you know a local small cafe that does good food, find out if they are happy to make something for so so you get the home cooked taste and often the cook is glad of the extra work,or you get them to make they type of meals your husband likes and freeze some so you have something to go to . That stops it being very personal, eases the effort for you. When my son was little, he was going through the phase didnt want to eat whatever was on the table . Other mothers were also having some problems so we set up scheme.3 of us got together once a month to begin with. So parent a) provides the lunch. the whole idea is ease and synpathetic, no competition , the lunch could be anything from mince and potatoes to beans on toast. So the children are fed first.When there are other children eating, and your scorned food is being eagerly eaten by the other children tends to get the stroppy one to eat. So parent b) is in charge of the children, wiping dirty hands and encouraging them to eat etc. So then the children can sit and read or play a bit while the mums get their meal. So parent c) has sat peacefully and enjoyed her simple meal without jumping up and down etc. Following time move on one so you all get a chance to cook, look after the children who tend to behave better with company and the other woman has a blissful small time to do whatever. So in the same way perhaps you could do something similar, where someone else could cook something and your husband might look forward to a meal cooked by someone else and you would get a break from baking for once. Then see if you have something that you particulary like and have a takeaway, eating what you enjoy , If on the other hand you feel that it is rather a sort of temper tantrum because he prefers something cooked in a specific way , then put up with it until you have had enough and the next grumble, bang the plate down, say take it or leave it and you are not going to keep doing this and see what happen! That makes him realize how you feel and stops the nitpicking of the meal. But I agree when you are ill food becomes very important and one of the few things you are able to sort out whilst you are ill . Good luck, and if you cannot do this for some reason, then award yourself a pub lunch out with a friend and leave him with something he plies! ! You are his wife not his slave! Good Luck

If you are not used to cooking then you need to build up slowly not go from egg and chips (nothing wrong with that) to cordon bleu in one swoop! I have to say we were once gifted a very posh meal in a very swanky restaurant in Edinburgh. The food was unusual and some of it was pretty disgusting. The wine was not included and cost £21 per glass!!! TBH would have had a better meal in McDonalds!

Illness can make you irascible and unfortunately you're getting the short stick, boheminan

Could you cook while face-timing him in his bed? He could instruct you and see how you are doing it.

Try Cook, if they are available in your area. The meals are made just like homemade meals. They do a wide variety of meals including vegetarian and some vegan.

It is very upsetting to be constantly criticised or feel that you are.
We tried a couple of companies with the ingredients delivered to you when they offered deals. You get recipe cards with them to follow which you can keep and adapt later and use with your own bought ingredients eg. burgers on brioche rolls with coleslaw and potato wedges using mince (could be beef, pork, chicken, quorn). You can do it all yourself i.e homemade burgers, homemade coleslaw etc or buy good quality shop made burgers, coleslaw. What I'm trying to say is that we have all the recipe cards now and use them with our own shop bought ingredients. Can't be bothered by fancy garnishes though apart from cream. Only what we have in the cupboard.

Have you looked at the "Cook" website to see if they deliver in your area. Lots & Lots of choice & good sized portions, not the cheapest meals but (I think) good quality.

bohemian give him the phone, a selection of takeaway menus along with his wallet and leave him to sort his own meals out.

I am sorry your husband is ill. He does have to understand that you can't cook as he did. I think if you are giving him nourishing food he should eat it instead of leaving it. That is just not polite. You really need to talk to him about this. Surely he realizes that you cannot produce meals the same as he did.

Try home delivered meals for him if it is within your budget. Otherwise just do some batch cooking and tell him this is as good as it gets. He must have known your culinary abilities. Some people can cook and some people can't.

I've always cooked most of our meals from scratch, and its been appreciated by my other half, but lately I have felt that I'm not enjoying it, we've sat & talked it through, and both agreed that I should perhaps make life easier for myself. Hence, I've started to use Lloyd Grossman sauces and I've found that I enjoy my lasagne & spag. bol. even more! I've yet to try a curry in this way. I've just bought a beef & ale sauce for a casserole. All I'm saying is perhaps you could try different prepared sauces to make some delicious dishes. That along with the occasional takeaway may help.