DH always trying to see what I’m doing on my iPad.

He's up to something he shouldn't be on HIS iPad/phone and suspects you might be too.

Attack is the best form of defence, so he is attacking you so you don’t investigate him.

I agree with the first two responses. He’s up to no good and is trying to cover it up by deflecting it onto you.

Has he always been this controlling?

I agree with the feedback given so far

I can see why you are annoyed I find that too when DH does it. Everyone needs a certain amount of private space.

Try doing it to him. See how he likes it.

Yep I agree acting like a guilty man It sounds a real game of deflection, classic blame you for what he’s doing, takes the heat off

CLUE
The thing is that he is so secretive with anything he does, especially his phone. He has always locked it so I could never access it

" I'll show you mine if you show me yours!".... try that and judge his reaction..... will tell you everything you need to know!!

Oh dear, another controlling OH. It shouldn’t matter how long a couple has been together, everyone is entitled to some private time. I have kept a journal for years and years. I have told one of my sons that after my death he can give the whole lot to one of diary research groups in London.

Too much time together !

Probably too late now to establish some kind of independence/separate activities or interests,

It's not too late to insist on some privacy and demand equal rights.

Isn’t this called ‘gaslighting’? The guilty person trying to deflect guilt onto their partner, making out ‘they’ have the problem. Too much time in each other’s company - if he starts to act up, just go for a walk or another room, out of the situation.

When I am texting my family on Watsapp my DH always has to interfere. When I tell him what jokey things they say he says tell them such and such, which is so unfunny. I never ask him what his doing though when he is on his phone.

Then surely you are doing what he does only his actions, as far as his secrecy with his phone, seem less honest. This would concern me.

Tell him you’re on a dating site looking for a replacement.

I'm not at all tech savy, but would it be possible for you to have something you could instantly put on that would make him wish he hadn't been snooping?

Ha ha, Blossoming. That did make me laugh.
Everyone else though - you all seem to be voicing what my instinct is telling me. ?

Maybe he doesn’t trust you. Ask him why he wants to know and why he does the same with his phone.

There are many couples on here that do not communicate. If people want to know something about their partner why would anyone on a forum know when they themselves do not.

I wouldn’t necessarily jump to the conclusion he’s trying to hide something. If this is typical’ deflection behaviour’, then surely it’s the last thing he should be doing. Drawing your attention to it.

For goodness sake just talk to each other.

It sounds to me that he is very insecure and rather childish stomping and screeching at you the actions you would expect from someone with something to hide.

I see what you’re saying DiscoDancer1975 and cornishpatsy. However, to communicate it needs two willing parties and he thinks communicating is shouting and stomping about not sitting down and calmly having a discussion. I’m at my wits end and really withdrawing from him now. I’ve told him that his behaviour alienates me rather than draws me towards him but to no avail. ☹️

Bashful

I see what you’re saying DiscoDancer1975 and cornishpatsy. However, to communicate it needs two willing parties and he thinks communicating is shouting and stomping about not sitting down and calmly having a discussion. I’m at my wits end and really withdrawing from him now. I’ve told him that his behaviour alienates me rather than draws me towards him but to no avail. ☹️

Ok, well just show him what you’re looking at. You be bigger than him. Then you’ve got good grounds for saying ‘ at least I’ve tried, unlike you’. He has to understand he can’t bully you. Marriage is a two way street.

Of course, there may be something else wrong, which he’s finding difficult to articulate. Communicating doesn’t necessarily mean two willing parties, just one to get things started, and the other to react either by listening, or throwing a hissy fit. It sounds like you’re on the right road here. Don’t give up if you can. Just imagine he’s a six year old boy!

My OH does that to me Bashful, plants a kiss on my head and peers at my screen! He is very secretive with his own passwords, unlike me! To be honest, the way I feel at the moment, I really don’t care. He is off to his ukulele jamboree on Friday until Sunday, and I’m so looking forward to some tine to myself. Sad I suppose, as we’re both 74.

No, not sad Patsy70. Relish the time to yourself. I very rarely have any to myself since we both retired. ? It’s good that you don’t care. Maybe I’ll join your club. ?