Sex

I am 65, married 41 years , haven’t desired sex for years
But it is high on husbands agenda
When his “performance” began to fail, about mid sixties , I said “let it go , it’s ok, we don’t need it, but he turned to viagra which dismays me
I feel such a failure that I want to leave the marriage, I don’t see what is wrong with letting sex go at 65

Your husband doesn’t sound very nice I’m afraid, and no it’s not just the younger men that focus on their women, 42 years is a very long time to be unhappy with your sex life, I think I’d have moved on from him if it was me, he’s not very respectful to your feelings

Why does it matter if a thread is old? Some people haven’t read an old thread or they want to talk about something that has already been spoken about.

I have seen threads about a subject where someone will post that there is already a thread about it.

Sadly you are not alone. Did your husband satisfy you? Or on reflection do you think he was covering up for his own inadequacies?

Mine was very vanilla and I wasn't sad when it finally petered out earlier on in the marriage.

Esspee
Let’s see how many keep posting ?

This is a zombie thread.

If you are reading this, Karen R., you need to tell him he hasn't pleased you; don't feel guilt because he tells you you haven't pleased him. How ungentlemanly.
If you are still having any sort of relationship make it clear he is responsible for this situation, and ask what is he going to do about it.
As is said: "she said I was a rotten lover. How could she tell in two minutes?"

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Another OLD thread being revitalised why do people do this
NanaShirlz did you hunt for any sexual threads ???

It takes two to Tango, so please stop blaming yourself - some couples are just incompatible that way. You say you’ve been together 42 years - does that mean that your relationship has been successful in other ways ? Are you happy generally ?

This thread is from May last year.

I think that men (or whatever age) can become lazy and don't make the same effort once the novelty has worn off. It is easy to blame the woman when, in truth, they can't be bothered to 'make love' anymore. It just becomes a physical act then.

I would hate to feel under pressure to 'perform'. there would nothing more off putting.

I am not sure about the advice to read the Kama Sutra and play games etc. To me this would make the whole thing seemed forced and just being done for the sake of it.

Get yourself a friend-with-benefits. No commitment, just a bit of fun.

Or tell him you have converted to polyamory

Well all I can say is knocking you down won’t help your sex life. I would say to him well if you were that good I’d be much better lol. Seriously thou don’t stay with someone if you not happy plenty more fish in the ocean. Just waiting for mine to bite lol

KarenR, I can't imagine no pleasure for 42 years - two life sentences! I've always held the view that if somebody wants sex - it's up to them to get me in the mood. Your husband is obviously rubbish at that. Time to get a decent lover?

I doubt if Karen is watching. The OP was posted in May

Daisend1

Many lack imagination when it comes to intimacy and its not uncommon for those like your husband to put the blame on their partner when its they themselves that ' haven't what it takes' .
Sex doesn't have to be bedroom only. Have you ever thought of taking the initiative ? Surprise H when least expected?
Making sure you are not expecting visitors

I have a picture in my head now of a woman waylaying her astounded DH in the hall and wrestling him to the ground (with the cat looking on)?

I feel sorry for KarenR and hope she can come to a satisfactory resolution soon. I can't think of anything to suggest, and don't really want to discuss my own circumstances.

Exactly i feel the same way @OmaLoocie. Nothing matters if your with the right person as both of you can enjoy this beautiful moment as memorable as it can be.

KarenR, someone once told me this old saying: 'There are no frigid women, just inept men.'
If sex is bad or mediocre then he's not the right sexual partner for you. Just because men like to have sex doesn't mean they are good at it! And I don't think the age of a man comes into it, there are selfish/arrogant and thoughtless young men out there, too! Also, in my personal opinion, too many men watch porn these days and think what they see on there is what should be happening. Basically, they should be in relationships with actors! ?

Try telling him you have needs as well.
Try and get a compromise that both parties are happy with.
Both talk, tell each other what you want
Don't be left letting him satisfied and you frustrated .

It sounds very much as if neither of you enjoy it much.

If you can both find some enjoyment, you may both begin to look forward to love making.
As Daisend1 says, use your imaginations.
Ask what would DH like? Tell him what you would fancy.
Try to find times and places that seem to be "naughty".
Both of you tell your fantasies, and then set about putting them into action.

Look at books, such as "Joy of Sex" together, to see if learning about the pleasures, give you any ideas.

You can be spontaneous, as an idea crosses your mind or plan, and prepare in detail,
Hopefully, as you both start to enjoy, you will both be more interested.
find n

Many lack imagination when it comes to intimacy and its not uncommon for those like your husband to put the blame on their partner when its they themselves that ' haven't what it takes' .
Sex doesn't have to be bedroom only. Have you ever thought of taking the initiative ? Surprise H when least expected?
Making sure you are not expecting visitors

My heart sinks for the OP. To feel "under siege" to have sex and to "perform" is totally grim.

Do you have a way out.

I think all the lube in the world will not save this situation after 42 years of it.

Find out what he enjoys, or what are his fantasies, to see if you can help him, and possibly yourself.
See what you can do to excite each other
Foreplay and lubrication are essential
Hope that you can come to a mutually satisfactory conclusion.
Life isn't over yet.
Fun doesn't end at 70, by any means