Husband won't holiday away next Xmas due to MIL

However much you may dislike (despise?) your MIL, consider how your husband would feel. Would he really be happy on holiday - knowing that his mother is alone? I doubt it. He'd feel miserable and guilty as hell!

I am an only child too. Up until now, we have never left my Mum (or my Mum and Dad when he was alive) on her/their own at Christmas. I would feel awful going away as she looks forward to coming to us for Christmas.

To be truthful, my Mum isn't the easiest of people and as each year goes by I find it more stressful and tiring. I would love to have a week in the sun somewhere but I don't think I would feel comfortable doing it. I do understand, though, why my husband resents it and I do understand why it is annoyingthe OP.

eelousia may come from a social background where it's the accepted custom for the married couple to be very separate from the old people.

And eelousia's husband may come from a different family culture where the old people are regarded for all practical and emotional purposes as part of the same family as himself and his wife

In short, this problem is a culture clash.

I don't think it is a culture clush.

Yes, there could be a difference between op and her dh how this issue is to be managed.
However, they are married and they made vows to put each other first, right?
Or was it "lets not MIL feel lonely in xmas"?

My culture is very elder oriented. My dh's even more, where his parents live with him forever, the son being married or not, with kids or not.

He still listens to me and compromise what works for us. His culture does not overrule mine and vice versa. That is a marriage.

Tge OP didnt raise culture! Who knows whether they are from different cultures. As she hasn't mentioned that Alexa it is difficult to see why it struck you as a possibility?

I think OP did say her MIL doesn't speak english?

Oh sorry, I missed forgot that! Oops ?

Madgran wrote:

"Tge OP didnt raise culture! Who knows whether they are from different cultures. As she hasn't mentioned that Alexa it is difficult to see why it struck you as a possibility?"

Because culture clashes aren't always between people from different countries or societies. Culture clashes apply also to family cultures of beliefs and practices.

It is hard to be an only child with elderly parents. I know this from experience.

Could you go away somewhere next Christmas without flying to the destination?

I accept some people may have siblings who do not help with elderly parents and so still have all the problems on their plate.

Your husband is in a very difficult position.

I think it's very selfish to even consider leaving an elderly person alone at Christmas, full stop!

He has no siblings and doesn't want to leave her, she doesn't fly as is afraid of flying so we have no option but to stay put

But she can “fly to her sister”

I think OP is reacting to what she did not find an enjoyable Christmas. On two other threads I have read she complains about her MIL and there is clearly no love lost there.
Unsurprisingly, there has not been a massive amount of sympathy for OP’s perception of “the stress of Christmas” (a one- year old, was there anything else?) and I would not be surprised if we hear no more, now tempers have settled down again.
I hope so, it has been a sad, selfish thread and I hope that by the time OP’s son is her age, and has a wife and baby, she does not come to regret her attitude to her MIL.

Alexa Because culture clashes aren't always between people from different countries or societies. Culture clashes apply also to family cultures of beliefs and practices.

Agree re family cultures; you did say family in your original post and I didnt take it in. Apologies

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I feel so old!!!!! The MiL is only in her mid 60s . I am 65 in a weeks time. I didn't feel old until I started reading these comments. Would the OP be better off on mumsnet if she wants to moan about ancient beings in their 60s? I thought gransnet would be people of my own age group, yet it seems to have many people with small babies and children moaning about their elderly in laws.