Husband won't holiday away next Xmas due to MIL

Thanks Mawb

Op, you have a major mommy's boy in your hands.

Your MIL is a sadist (enjoys your pain when you injured yourself) and takes over as your role as a mother.

This is a 2 card situation- divorce or intense marital therapy without contact with mil.

Xmas is the least of your worries

I think your DH is lovely to consider his mother and you are BU to want to leave her alone. Christmas is for families, just because he has a family with you, doesn't mean that he doesn't have his mother.
My mother is 87 and I would never even consider leaving her at Christmas, she loves to be with is and her grandchildren and she's been a wonderful mum and grandma. I hope your husband digs his heels in on this one, you can holiday any time.

My MIL is 65 and very overbearing, she is the main stress at Christmas for me! our mum's don't get on.. I wouldn't want to leave her alone - she does have a few close friends and family her sister and SIL in Europe (which she does fly to and from every other year)

I'm happy to go a few days after christmas, that's a great idea and perhaps eat out somewhere to take the pressure off.

Thanks so much for the above suggestions!

I don't see how you could have a good time when you would be leaving an elderly lady alone on Christmas Day. If Christmas is about anything surely it's about family? You will need to compromise as your husband has made his position clear.

Being left on her own on Christmas Day will be very stressful, especially if frail and if she never spent the day alone before.

Your husband sounds kind and caring.

While I still think it is unkind to leave anybody on their own at Christmas, OP’s MIL is in her early 60’s and I am surprised her own social circle does not offer any alternative attractions. I assume she is still working?
You do not say why she is alone-divorced? Widowed?

(Are you sure you and the poster who started the thread about being on her own are not related! )

My MIL is widowed 6 years ago.. She certainly isn't frail or old.. She stopped working 9 years ago.

What does BU stand for on here?

Flights could be cheaper on Boxing Day too.

I can see nothing wrong with your husband's stance - to a point.
It is different for an only child , compared to one that has siblings and quite frankly, you really can have no idea just what it feels like! It is a myriad of things - most of all, feeling responsible for that parent.
Yes, it is possible for people to have a fear of flying in this day and age but let's face it - would you really be happy if your MiL came on holiday with you anyway? My guess is that would be a big fat no !
Like others have suggested - have Christmas Day with your MiL and your holiday after. It's only for one day after all and quite honestly, if you stuck to your guns and browbeat your OH into going away and leaving MiL on her own, neither of you would have a good time - he'd be worrying about his mum and you'd be getting angry with him for worrying !

How about a cruise from a UK port? You might not get much sun but it will kill two birds with one stone; you will get a holiday and your MIL won’t have to fly

I have just spent 12 days over Christmas on my own because of illness. It is a very sad and lonely period to be on your own.
MIL nearly always have this problem with their DIL.
It’s no trouble to travel Boxing Day and it keeps all the family happy. Your MIL is very fortunate to have such a lovely and caring son.
Remember one day you could be the MIL with such a selfish DIL

Talk to your mil, tell her your thoughts, & your H’s thoughts about next year. She may see things differently and even come up with a solution, where everyone is happy or even a good compromise. Good luck.

I would love to go away at Christmas but have daughters and grandchildren. It’s the one time of the year that they look forward to us being together and for that I will forsake going away. Family comes first for me

You can holiday at anytime. I do not think your husband is being unreasonable.

If she will fly sometimes^ as you say she does, offer that she comes too and then it is her choice.

Alternatively, what about a short cruise from Southampton (for example)? Maybe to the Mediterranean? If you can afford it, a cruise would at least mean you have other guests you can mix and match with a bit?

Regarding your son, (I think you said son), if you want time with him you in its him too, wherever you end up. Then you will have the family together that you want but your mother-in-law and husband will be happy too.

How about going away- to somewhere really nice in the UK?

You certainly have a vivid imagination *Hithere; "you're MIL is a sadist .... takes over as your role of mother ... divorce or intense marital therapy"!!!

My mum is no longer here but we have my husband mother for Christmas .I wouldn't have it any other way.Ahe ia 90 but insisted ob doing all the vegetables and roast potatoes.She has a daughter but she is a waste of space has only invited her once for Christmas she doesn't deservecher.Cant believe she is my husband sister as he is so caring

This reminds me of that tv ad for medical insurance, where the wife wants to take her mum on holiday with her and her husband.
Every time I see it I think, 'If I were him, I'd tell her to go on holiday with her mum, and I'll find someone else to go with me'.
If your husband puts his mum first, what does that say about his regard for you?

Why is the OP putting his mother first ladymuck? Why does it have to be a competition? What's wrong with a son or D for that matter not wanting to leave his/her mother on her own at Christmas.

Would it be reasonable to say the OP is putting what she wants before her H and her m.i.l.?

One can only imagine some the responses if this thread was from a m.i.l. not wanting her son and d.i.l. to go away for Christmas and leave her alone; she'd be slated for sure.

If your MIL doesn't like to fly, why not go by train? There is an excellent website called the passenger in seat 61 which explains in detail how to get virtually anywhere in the world and also train travel when you get there.

You need to be organised because the cheapest tickets are booked in advance - usually 3 months. There are links to two websites which are in English and you can pay for all your journeys in one hit. So easy to get to southern Spain.

Last year we went from Limoges to Florence via Paris and the Bernina Express which goes over the Alps. The total cost was less than the one night that we had to stay in Zurich because of the Bernina Express.

Look at the site and let your imagination run riot.

Your mil isn't that old, how about you, husband and son suggest going to mil for xmas dinner next year, then fly off on holiday boxing day. You might find it less stressful if someone else is organising dinner etc. Plus you can arrive in time for dinner and leave after the washing up, she will be relieved to have her house back to herself by then.

Smileless,

I don't have a vivid imagination.

Op wrote that in another post in December.

Yes Hithere that seemed a very harsh post. I agree with smileless2012

Really Hithere, I didn't realise that

Well then if the OP has previously referred to her m.i.l. as a sadist, who is taking over her mother role and feels she and her H will either be looking at divorce or intense marital therapy, clearly her OP is disingenuous.

Her desire to go away for Christmas has nothing to do with easing the pressure and wanting some winter sun, it's just to get away from her m.i.l.