Silent Husband

We've just come back from a weekend away. It was supposed to be special. First night was fine dining but he was in a bad mood and barely spoke throughout the meal. I was close to tears. We are now home and he hasnt explained or apologised but has booked another weekend due to guilt. I have lived on this roller coaster for our entire marriage.

Just go for coffees with friends. Doesn't seem like your husband's idea of fun. Mines exactly the same. Get tea, drink it, leave. Whereas my sister and I can sit about 2 hours chatting, drinking tea/ coffee.

I didn’t remember starting this thread. Oh no. I didn’t start it did I ? But I could have. Can we arrange a husband swap ? I was thinking of a loan once a week maybe. I agree with what everyone else has said. After a long marriage there’s not so much to say. Maybe someone else’s husband would be more interesting / make more of an effort ? My friend has just taken up with a new man and I envy her some parts of it. Not all of it though. Imagine having to start again with someone new.
P.S This is only a light hearted reply. I don’t mean to underestimate another person’s illness. That’s a different thing.

my hubby wont even go to a coffee shop with me..on anniversaries I get him to take me to the garden centre...but we bypass the coffee shop....with it`s beautiful array of home made cakes...ah well.....I go there with friends

I think it may be due to men’s brains being wired differently. My DH will happily sit in silence doing nothing. If I ask him what he’s thinking the reply is “Nothing”. He can do that. Go into a mental box and think of nothing. I can’t. My brain is always on the go even when I’m not.

I have noticed that since DH retired he is more inclined to chat - when he wants to.

We can be out and about and it’s him indoors that suggests coffee and cake, which I think is lovely and we sit together and have a chat and he always has to hold hands. Bless him

My husband is far more chatty than I am! He happily talks to strangers, any person serving in a cafe, loves Garden Centres, and chats to me all the time. He is frequently heard to say "I'll shut up now" only to carry on commenting on anything and everything! I don't really mind - he regularly asks my opinion, too.

I can relate to that, except my husband very very rarely would go for coffee. When I meet a friend we chat for 4 hours! It becomes hard to find conversation with someone who has none. You find yourself having to do it. Hardly enjoyable.

My best friend lived in Spain for 30 years and I used to visit often.
Her husband used to pick me up from the airport and of course we had some conversation on the journey back.
As he wasn't much of a talker my friend couldn't understand what I could possibly talk about with him, until I explained that the conversation was entirely about what my Son and husband were up to, he had no interest in what my daughter was up to, at all, or for that matter me.
As a last resort I used to ask him had he been fishing recently.
I think that a lot of men don't really like talking. Boring lot!!!!?

Most men don’t go in for small talk ( unless chatting to other men!)
We chat a bit when stopping for coffee and cake somewhere,
But often read the free papers or do the crossword together.
Went to the garden centre yesterday with DD and we never stopped talking.

I could have written the above post too. I’m not even married to nor live with my “friend” and he still never makes small talk. I have given up trying to chat on long journeys. I find No conversation during an hour long journey a real strain! I miss having children in the car to chat too - they are both adult now! He visits every evening ( for 26 years!!) and conversation is now at an all time low as he has recently started playing on-line Scrabble and sits there totally engrossed in the latest game, simply moaning to himself every time she scores more than he does! I love drinking coffee and eating cake with other ladies and will happily spend 2+ hours putting the world to right. He makes a good cup of coffee and cooks a nice meal, but conversationally he is a disaster! Yet he can make conversation when we are with his family or one of my friends - he doesn’t have any!!

isnt the question you should ask yourself is why is he not talking much, has he always been like this. have you asked him if somthing is wrong .does he talk more to other people maybe asking him questions that need an answer from him may get him to open up more

So....?

The men in my crafting group often sit in silence and so do I but they are great talkers too. It needs a common interest and ours is a craft that attracts more men than women, I am with them for 6 hours and there is no shortage of conversation. Tv and laptop and cooking would not stimulate conversation in many households. our craft would

How odd to feel the need to comment!
Some people are natural talkers, others not. Some only talk about “important” things, others enjoy chitchat.
I imagine your H might be one of the former, you, the latter?
Think of Mr and Mrs Bennett in Pride and Prejudice perhaps?
Thank goodness we are all different.
Looking back at my marriage we used to spend many hours in what I might call “companionable silence”
Sadly now there is only the silence.
Cherish him while you can and enjoy “putting the world to rights” with a good friend (and let him read his newspaper if he wishes)

My DH likes what he calls "tea and a bun" . Usually coffee and cake for him, just coffee for me ( reversed diabetic). We have been in many, many, coffee shops, some dire , some superb.
We always have a lot to talk about. House, garden, news, children etc. Going out again on Saturday. Love it . P.s. We are just coming up to our 57th year together

My husband can hardly be bothered talking to me for five minutes when he comes home from work, and I'm not prepared to make loads of effort to start and maintain a conversation that he's clearly not interested in. We watch the news together every evening and can talk about that if there's anything interesting going on, but to be honest we do watch a lot of television rather than talking. I got very lonely a couple of years ago because for various reasons most of my friends became unavailable to chat, and in the end I went to therapy! Paying someone to listen to you may sound a bit drastic, but it certainly ensured that I was able to talk for an hour a week!

Companionable silence is lovely Maw. We do a lot of it, particularly sitting in the sun with a glass in the summer evenings and then spend hours talking into the darkness. Or watching the dark coming in from the comfort of the conservatory on a winter afternoon before moving to watch tv in the warmth of the fire.

Tedber...? your post made me laugh, thanks.

NfkDumpling you paint a lovely picture.

Thank you annepl it makes up for his not liking to buy coffee and cake 'out' if he can easily come home and have it here. He doesn't see the point of meeting friends in town for coffee, but is very happy and welcoming if they drop in.

Before I met Mr B (he is my 2nd marriage) I went out on a few dates with a really lovely chap but for the life of me I just couldn't chat to him and he didn't talk much. The romance went know where and he ended up with a very good friend of mine, she said she had o problem with talking with him. They married and we meet quite often, and guess what I can chat away to him but he is still hard work.

I suppose some people are just natural talkers.

Blimey my husband doesn't shut up.
I sometimes want to tell him too especially when I`m on Gransnet.

I love meeting my friends for a coffee and catch up. Much prefer it to having a coffee with my OH. He just talks about the same old boring things he talks about at home. And boy can he talk! HELP!

He also likes to watch the telly and when I go in to watch he starts telling me what has just been on when I am trying to listen to a programme. No detail is missed out!