Living with someone with strongly opposing political views

Gill posted

I would find the dismissal of my opinions hard to deal with, irrespective of whether we read the same newspaper or voted the same way

And I agree. It’s not the differences in your political stances - that could be dealt with within a good and equal relationship. I’d think long and hard about this relationship.

There is a really easy answer, stop reading the Guardian it is just as blatantly remain as the Telegraph is leave, politics should not rule you relationship. At the end do the day a deal will be made that neither of you will like, but life will go on, for better or worse.
I have noticed a definite hardening of leave supporters attitude, not just parliament but voters as well, " those beastly Europeans won't let us have our own way, let's throw our toys out of the pram", they are behaving just like children.
Give him a big kiss and say "what will be will be".

"your feelings for him"

I agree with chewbacca, if this has such an impact on your relationship I would question how you feelings towards him.

I think it was the last straw for her as there were other issues in the relationship.
There must have been other difficulties as no-one would split up a loving relationship over Brexit!

I was brought up by parents who had strongly differing political views. My DF was staunch Labour, trade unionist and we all heard much about the Labour movement, the politicians of the day etc.
DM used to just carry blithely on and say nothing much at all then vote Conservative.

I think that's why I rebelled and voted Liberal for years
and years.

I don't hear much about love or respect in the OP - and if you love someone you respect that they may have their own opinions even if you don't agree.

If you disagree so much then there is not much point in discussing the situation with your OH. If he goes 'on and on' and lectures you then just smile and say that you know what his views are, you've heard them and don't need to hear them again and again.
Just say 'Can we agree to differ?'

In the US it's the Republican Right wing Trump supporters against the Democratic Liberals (many who supported Mrs. Clinton)....If it's Guardian vs Telegraph in the UK, it can be CNN vs. Fox News in the US, etc.

Unfortunately, Populism has also empowered many rude and uneducated people to remove their facade and release their inner 'Kraken'.

Divisions run long and deep. I've seen lifelong friends who no longer speak, an unprecedented number of 'unfriendings' on FB and entire families so immersed in vitriol that they surpass the proverbial Hatfields and McCoys!

Yet another example of how citizens can systematically be manipulated and divided against one another....and it seems to be happening in many places around the world. Can this be a mere coincidence or is it by design?

Lemon
Canada deal not agreed yet after 10/11 years.
Japanese deal only took 5 years

You're right about that Lemongroveand for us it's a good job that love hasn't vanished over feminism, music, football (he loves it; I hate it) and the endless TV shows that I've loved over the years, all of which he's hated.

He leaves the room for an hour every Sunday while I watch
'The Handmaids Tale'.

I met my present partner in 2005 when we were both in our 50s. We met up the first time for Sunday lunch and talked for 5 hours! As we were each going home and making arrangements for meeting up again he made a remark about wanting to live long enough to p*ss on Maggie's grave. I said I would see him again but never agree with that view and we have lived together happily at opposite ends of the political spectrum for 13 years. We argue sometimes about politics but in a good-natured way.

He voted leave, I remain (reluctantly) but the discussions never got heated. In fact if there was a 2nd referendum I would vote leave, I'm so fed up with the EU's present attitude.

It can be useful, if necessary in an election, we don't have to go out in the rain cos we cancel each other out.

I would find the dismissal of my opinions hard to deal with, irrespective of whether we read the same newspaper or voted the same way. Healthy debate is one thing, polite avoidance is another ( and I have groups of friends within both categories) but I would never dismiss their opinions and would not expect them to do the same to me. To disagree is one thing, but to ridicule is beyond acceptable, is rude and I for one would find it hard to live with. What next? It is either the behaviour of a panicking Brexit supporter or of a bully and only you can know whether you can live with him.

It's impossible to negotiate when the other party chooses not too paddyann. The EU's idea of negotiation appears to be saying 'no' to every suggestion that our government has put forward.

Even the most bitter of divorces inevitably result in some
kind of agreement but that doesn't appear to be the case with the EU. Now that is something that Mr. S. and I do agree on.

Well said Smileless because it wouldn’t say much about loving a person if love vanished over politics.

Nobody has ‘messed up’ ( as yet) it was always going to be a long drawn out negotiation, as anything with the EU invariably is.

Smileless2012 Maybe you should point out to him that its not the EU that have messed up...its our useless government .

I voted leave and Mr. S. voted remain. We celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary next month and last year's GE was the first time we both voted for the same party.

Our political views differ as do our views for eg, on Palestine and Israel. We have some very heated discussions from time to time but never fall out.

Anniebach "with every hiccup in the negotiations" Mr. S. becomes increasingly frustrated with and hostile toward the EU, to the extent that if there were to be a second referendum he'd vote leave.

I don't see Brexit itself as the problem here, more that he ridicules the op's views because they are not the same as his own.
It is one thing having your views ridiculed on an internet forum, but not in your own home by your partner.

I have dated people with opposing views, but I couldn't have lived with or married them. But that is because it matters to me. If someone is not particularly interested in politics, then it wouldn't matter if it was not discussed at home.

In the very brief time I explored internet dating I never contacted anyone who declared his politics to be right-wing or a card-carrying tory!
Sooner or later it would have become an issue so, rather than become involved and bite my tongue forever, I chose to avoid any potential problems!

Surely there must be more to the marriage than political discourse, MeltingMacron? You must have built up other interests, both joint and separate, that give you a reason for being together? But if political ideology was/is the mainstay of your relationship, it sounds as though you've both made a mistake perhaps.

And to him I suspect YOUR views are sounding like the worst headlines from a doom and gloom Left publications like the Guardian.

I do know a couple who split up over Brexit, not married but in a long term relationship. I think it was the last straw for her as there were other issues in the relationship.

If you have a good relationship,why can’t you agree to disagree & just don’t talk about it.
However well couples get on, there are bound to be differences, the worst ones I think are those that involve child rearing differences or drink/ drug issues .
No one knows for sure how Brexit will pan out, it’s just another twist & turn of future history, not worth ruining the present for.

"With each hiccup in the Brexit process he defends his position in an increasingly indignant and aggressive manner."

I take it this means he holds forth in response to the latest headlines, but won't tolerate you giving your views.

Can you discuss his behaviour calmly, and separately from the actual politics?
Explain that it's upsetting for you to be ridiculed, and ask him to be willing to discuss things sensibly or not to talk about politics at all.

Can it be with every hiccup in the negotiations he feels a plonker because he voted for what was to become a cock up but can’t admit it?

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