Living with someone with strongly opposing political views

Honestly, as you disagree at present, I'd try to have conversation and interests in other things. There is so much none of us can know about how it will develop over the next few years. Don't let hypotheses spoil your good relationship. If he seems keen on argument, just bat it away with a few 'Well I really don't knows' - we don't do we, any of us.

I suppose it depends upon the level of respect that each of you show for the other’s opinions. I was raised in a highly political family where the debate peppered every meal. I am blest with the most fantastic partner who is on the same side but obviously we differ on some things. We as partners always have to find our way through various difficulties via compromise but if his response is simply to become defensive and aggressive then finding a way back to discussion should be the first step. Good luck !

My daughters voted differently from me so we never discuss it - saves arguments.

Just make the point that you have 'cancelled each other out' in your in/out votes. However, if he continues to be so difficult over something that neither of you have any control, I cannot see a future in this relationship.

I don't think I could have got involved with someone with an extreme opposite political (or religious slant) in the first place. Neither would I be suited to someone who didn't love animals, believe in good discipline, smoke or do drugs, not be financially savvy etc. It would be just asking for trouble in the relationship somewhere down the line. If you want to stay together then you need to avoid hot topics and let him discuss those with his like minded friends.

You said you read the Telegraph to get a balanced view so that's an admission by you that the Guardian doesn't give one!! However, the way you describe him as 'intelligent' but still a Brexiteer is condescending, as if only your opinion is correct. It's not right wing to believe that your country should rule itself. It's a sensible opinion that more than half of those who bothered to vote held. We've been in the EU/Common Market since 1973, the vote was to try something else now. Accept it, don't argue about it and move on.

Luckily my husband and I hold similar views regarding Brexit, we both voted to leave.

regarding the OP's post, wondering whether there have been other issues/disagreements in which strong opinions have been held, and the 'Brexit' argument is the straw that broke the camel's back.

maccy I believe your view is the same as mine.
It isn't just about not/discussing current politics it's about principles and 'world views' developed over a lifetime.

As a Couples Therapist, I am wondering if some counselling might help?
This isn’t just about Brexit, it is about very different world views. That’s fine as long as there is mutual respect, but it sounds as if the Brexit issue has become a hook to hang other feelings on.
Just a thought.

Don't discuss politics. It's not a cop out if it makes your relationship easier.

It's not just for you not to discuss, tell him not to discuss either. Accept you both have different views, and agree to differ on political issues.

Concentrate on the positives of your lives and make the most of them - go out for a meal, a drink, a walk, etc. to encourage and maintain a closeness between you.

I would also leave reading the newspapers for a while!

What you don't say MeltingMacaron is how you argue your point. Do you respect his views or do you spout left wing Guardian text at him? Personally, I can't see the point in arguing about it as it will be what it will be. The Referendum gave us the answer of what the majority of who voted wanted. Most of us, Remain or Leave don't like the way things are going with the Government's negotiations. I hardly think that an ardent Remainer can't see that, from a Leaver's point of view, that they may be sold down the river with what May's Government wants just as Remainer's may feel bitter that the Referendum didn't go their way. Can't you just agree that at this rate, everybody is going to lose out in some way...that's what compromise does most often.

Wow lemon! As 2 non-smokers you and DH would really allow someone to light up in your home?
No-one smokes in my house but then the only visitor who smokes is DiL and she always goes outside (or does without).
Back to topic - I had a long relationship with a man who didn't vote for the same party but whose politics were not diametrically opposite. On the other hand, I met a man who made it clear that he was not only a card-carrying tory but was also seeking a domestic goddess who knew her place was in the kitchen. No second date!
Simple!!

"It amazes me that posters couldn’t contemplate life with a partner who likes a ciggie or who votes different,y to thenselves! What do they want from love, a clone of themselves? grin"

lemongrove, surely there are things you'd find unacceptable in a life partner? Otherwise, you could be 'in love' with any random person.

GabriellaG, "As for coming on here to ask us to endorse (or not) your stance on politics..."
The OP didn't do that, she asked for others' experiences of having different political views in a marriage.

I have strong political opinions...I suspect I'd be more in your husband's camp than yours. I have found some people can have a calm dispassionate argument about religion, politics etc - even if they totally disagree with you (I think I'm like that) while others flounce off, get furious... I do NOT engage in such conversations with the latter type. Why bother? I'm not going to convert them. Yes, I think theyre naive/ stupid/ wrong, but I can't fix that so I talk about less emotive topics. It's hard...a family member was posting on Facebook about how it's fine for mothers to smoke pot. I would like it to be an imprisonable offence. But I'm not going to alienate this person (who I like!) so I said nothing. Although on other forums I've said a lot! How silly to stress a marriage over something neither of you has any power over whatever. Agree to disagree and do something nice.!

If they vote Labour just ask "Wheres the money coming from", problem solved, you won't hear any more.

Politics is always a no,no! It causes to many heated discussions,you both sound passionate about your opinions,a good debate is great,but if it's getting a bit overboard,you will have to agree to disagree!
No one knows what it will be like after Brexit,it's new for all of us! We will just have to wait and see!

Luckily for me both DH and I are on the same page regarding Brexit. We voted to leave and I would never insult nor attack anyone who chose to remain even though we are constantly called ignorant and prejudiced. On the contrary we had many reasons we voted to Leave. We have experienced the EU up close and personal after we retired to Greece. We had our own business and a five bed, two bath property and we sold it all and moved to Greece. I won't go into all the details but we were conned by a couple of Greek business men and lost almost everything. When we tried to get help we were told your in Greece now, not in England and DH argued actually we are in the EU. We wrote to the Greek Ombudsman in Brussel's for help but they wouldn't get involved saying ours was a domestic issue and when we sought legal advice we were told it could take years for it to be sorted out and there were no guarantees that they would find in our favor. They tend to "look after their own" so we had to cut our losses and get back 'home' while we still had enough to start again so we have first hand knowledge of exactly how much the EU cares about it's members.

I didn't find your post offensive as a smoker Bluebell, it offended because of the assumptions you made about how Mr. S. views me and that he may feel he cannot be honest with me about those feelings.

I am trying, but failing, to see the link between being a Labour voter and voting remain.
So many Labour voters defected to UKIP and presumably voted leave.
The Tory government campaigned to remain.

If it's supposed to be a 'badge of honour' I cannot see why as the facts don't support this.

If we discuss Brexit we can both get annoyed, so we don’t, we just agree to differ. It’s not a cop out, it’s just that we have much more interesting things to talk about. The one thing we’re united over is the petty behaviour of some of the Brussels bureaucrats and the milking of the system by some British MEPs.
I do discuss politics with friends, even knowing that we don’t agree over some issues.
My Nana told me never to poke a wasps nest unless I wanted to get stung and BREXIT, whichever side you’re on is a huge wasps nest.

I am further left than my husband but only by an inch or so. We are both members of the Labour party (active) and voted Remain. I can't imagine sharing my life and bed with someone of a completely contrary view. It affects everything.

DH and I voted on opposite sides in the referendum. As more and more facets have been revealed, I wonder if he is wavering, but there’s no way he will admit it, if so.
It is a subject we avoid. Where we do agree is that a cross-party group should have been responsible, together with plenty of experts in the various relevant fields.
The consequences which are becoming apparent are horrifying, but then we do agree on many of the horrors being perpetuated by this government, especially towards the most vulnerable members of society.
So my suggestion is to find things which unite you, not divide you, even over Brexit.

...and I'm ALL FOR leaving the European Union.

MeltingMacaron
You are describing my life too. When I met my husband 18 years ago we both read the Guardian but then he decided the crossword wasn’t hard enough and switched to the Telegraph. This was about 4 years ago and since then he has become increasingly right wing, especially hostile to Muslims. I find his political views abhorrent. It’s really affected our relationship and we cannot discuss our political differences rationally as he becomes verbally aggressive and ridicules my views at every opportunity. He voted leave and I voted remain and that is another touch light for a heated ‘ debate’. To be honest I have thought about us breaking up many times as I sometimes hardly recognise the man I married. He then redeems himself by being pro many socialist ideals and he is very supportive to the LGBTQ community. I can’t work him out. I have come to terms with our differences with a great deal of frustration, disappointment and sadness. Politics is off limits in our home and that’s how we survive this huge chasm in our relationship. If I was younger I think some of the things he says would be a deal breaker. The Telegraph/ Mail/ Express/ Sun spill their bile on a daily basis and I can see how radicalisation via the media and social platforms takes place by a drip, drip of hatred and intolerance.
I haven’t any answers for you but I wish you luck and was actually really pleased to see I wasn’t on my own. Sorry for being so selfish!

Politics and religion are no-nos.
You will never get a staunch Catholic to become a Protestant nor a Jew become a Muslim. You are just about as likely to become a Brexiteer if you are a Remainer.
If you want your relationship to continue then perhaps ypu should shut up.
BTW...I take issue with your stance that only educated people read the Telegraph or Guardian. Broadsheets do not necessarily only garner the readership of what you would have us believe is the 'educated' cream of the population.
My OH, who could probably wipe the floor with you educationally, was always playfully scornful of my reading a well known middle of the road 'rag' but blushingly admitted to having bought and read it on his commute. "Hmm', he murmered, 'It's more interesting than I thought'. He admitted that many colleagues m, on their own admission, bought broadsheets because they were 'the acceptable papers to be seen with' and they were only skimmed or just the financials read.
As for coming on here to ask us to endorse (or not) your stance on politics...I doubt whether the majority would pass your criteria for being well enough informed to proffer a view. They will be the ones who are not deemed to be 'educated' to the standard for which you hold yourself as a beacon.
GG. LL.M.Eur - brought up on council estate in large nothern town and left school with no qualifications whatsoever.

I was/am a passionate leaver.
My DH has no interest in politics & was undecided when it came to the referendum. As he works abroad a lot he has a postal vote & he asked me to fill it in for him 'as I saw fit'. Needless to say I voted 'leave' for him.
Now every time it gets mentioned on radio /TV- I gave up on newspapers years ago - he tells me it is all my fault!
So OK I take all the blame - you can all blame me. I admit it is all my fault & I still think we are right to leave & make our own laws.