Giving money instead of gift/gift card.

I haven't sent my ED and DGC anything since she cut me off two years ago. It just causes hurt and pain to do so and this is the last thing I need. I did do the charity thing for one year, as the children have more toys than they would ever need, but I never got a thanks or anything so gave up altogether. I now spend my money on myself as if the DGC had bought me something, sad I know, but then we have to live in a realistic world sometimes. x

WHY would you continue to send anything to people who you are estranged from!! I your OH wants to do it then it is up to him . This is just an example of the craziness which has become Christmas

I don't think you should send them anything. Most people don't exchange gifts with relatives they have no other contact with. If you do send something to save a row over Christmas (which I would probably do), it sounds as if you need to sort out something with your husband and his depression. Can you see a counsellor to talk through the issues, maybe marriage guidance counselling or a GP referral? Things don't sound easy for you. I hope your Christmas goes smoothly.

We haven't sent our ES a card or gift since he cut us out of his 4 years ago. We left a small gift for our eldest GC on their door step for his 1st Christmas and it was shoved back through our letter box on Christmas Eve with a particularly vile note.

Now we send our GS's cards for their birthdays and at Christmas, always buying 2 of each so that we can put one in their memory box as it's most unlikely they'll receive them.

I echo some of the points made here. If your families are estranged it seems odd to send a present. I am worried that you said at one point that he takes things out on you. As others have said there are some important things to sort out in your own situation. I wish you well.

It's brilliant to send nothing, watch what happens.

So sorry you're in this predicament, Abby, but this "gift exchange" is so fake. They send you useless gifts and won't answer the door when you bring gifts to them! Let it go.

In my book, oh's talk of "family" and "responsibility" is empty in this situation. There's a lot of anger and distrust between them. The gifts are meaningless.

Let him know you're "not keeping" his estranged relatives "in gifts." If he thinks it's that important, he needs to do it himself (he can buy gifts online if he won't leave the house). If he doesn't think it's worth his time & money, then it's not worth yours.

How long has it been since oh was "retired?" If it's just a few months, he just may need more time to adjust. Has he tried to look for a part time job to fill his hours? But if it has been longer, can you find another GP? Oh shouldn't have to suffer from untreated depression, nor should you have to live with that.

If they won't even open the door for the gifts, I bet they don't want them (bet they throw them away). Take the hint. You're wasting your time and money. Please stop.

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This is another really old resurrected thread!

Give up even thinking about them! Move on. Life’s too short to put energy where it’s not appreciated & very little care or consideration is extended your way.
Furthermore if your husband doesn’t keep up his personal hygiene, sounds like he’s got issues too. Perhaps depressed?
Sounds like you are carrying some burdens here so maybe time to start thinking of yourself.

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Reported.

Zombie thread - another one!

Why are you mad at them?
Your husband seems very unpleasant. This may be due to his mental health but unless he is actively seeking help they do not have to suffer him.

Why are you? He won't allow you to retire?! But you must bow to his every whim?