Giving money instead of gift/gift card.

Why are you mad at them?
Your husband seems very unpleasant. This may be due to his mental health but unless he is actively seeking help they do not have to suffer him.

Why are you? He won't allow you to retire?! But you must bow to his every whim?

Zombie thread - another one!

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Give up even thinking about them! Move on. Life’s too short to put energy where it’s not appreciated & very little care or consideration is extended your way.
Furthermore if your husband doesn’t keep up his personal hygiene, sounds like he’s got issues too. Perhaps depressed?
Sounds like you are carrying some burdens here so maybe time to start thinking of yourself.

This is another really old resurrected thread!

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If they won't even open the door for the gifts, I bet they don't want them (bet they throw them away). Take the hint. You're wasting your time and money. Please stop.

So sorry you're in this predicament, Abby, but this "gift exchange" is so fake. They send you useless gifts and won't answer the door when you bring gifts to them! Let it go.

In my book, oh's talk of "family" and "responsibility" is empty in this situation. There's a lot of anger and distrust between them. The gifts are meaningless.

Let him know you're "not keeping" his estranged relatives "in gifts." If he thinks it's that important, he needs to do it himself (he can buy gifts online if he won't leave the house). If he doesn't think it's worth his time & money, then it's not worth yours.

How long has it been since oh was "retired?" If it's just a few months, he just may need more time to adjust. Has he tried to look for a part time job to fill his hours? But if it has been longer, can you find another GP? Oh shouldn't have to suffer from untreated depression, nor should you have to live with that.

It's brilliant to send nothing, watch what happens.

I echo some of the points made here. If your families are estranged it seems odd to send a present. I am worried that you said at one point that he takes things out on you. As others have said there are some important things to sort out in your own situation. I wish you well.

We haven't sent our ES a card or gift since he cut us out of his 4 years ago. We left a small gift for our eldest GC on their door step for his 1st Christmas and it was shoved back through our letter box on Christmas Eve with a particularly vile note.

Now we send our GS's cards for their birthdays and at Christmas, always buying 2 of each so that we can put one in their memory box as it's most unlikely they'll receive them.

I don't think you should send them anything. Most people don't exchange gifts with relatives they have no other contact with. If you do send something to save a row over Christmas (which I would probably do), it sounds as if you need to sort out something with your husband and his depression. Can you see a counsellor to talk through the issues, maybe marriage guidance counselling or a GP referral? Things don't sound easy for you. I hope your Christmas goes smoothly.

WHY would you continue to send anything to people who you are estranged from!! I your OH wants to do it then it is up to him . This is just an example of the craziness which has become Christmas

I haven't sent my ED and DGC anything since she cut me off two years ago. It just causes hurt and pain to do so and this is the last thing I need. I did do the charity thing for one year, as the children have more toys than they would ever need, but I never got a thanks or anything so gave up altogether. I now spend my money on myself as if the DGC had bought me something, sad I know, but then we have to live in a realistic world sometimes. x

You don't speak and never see them so presumably they send no cards or gifts to you and OH.
Why are you still doing this one-sided giving?

Don't stress yourself. If you don't see these family members - to the extent they have cut you and your OH out of their lives just stop sending gifts and money. If you want to keep contact send a nice Christmas card with a friendly message inside hoping they are all well and have a good Christmas and New Year.

At some point we all have to cut back on sending gifts and money. I put some money in with the card to nephews for their children - much easier than sending gift tokens!!

think i have missed something but why are you giving them anything if you don't see or speak to them ? really dont get this

I personally would not be sending or financing gifts to them, they sound a nightmare - sorry bit harsh maybe but that's me.

After DH died I stopped sending anything to Step-Son & his OH & 2 DC as he was so inconsiderate & never gave anything back. Step-Daughter is so different, no gifts but always cards, DGC are grown up & working whereas I'm on a limited income, often phone calls & contact on FaceBook.

I normally buy gifts for my Family (except DM who is 87 & she appreciates money which she can use to buy what she likes) although this Christmas DD is having money as she is pregnant & needs new clothes (plus small fun gifts)

For £5 you can buy a Christmas Day meal for a homeless person thru it's on. Or donate to any charity in their name if u feel like it and tell them what you ve done?

Why not say, instead of gifts I'm donating to my local hospice, hospital, whatever charity you like. And do exactly that. Or if your husband insists on a proper gift, I'd give an Asda, tesco, etc voucher, whatever supermarket is near them. If they have plenty of money they can buy a gift, or donate gifts of food to the local food bank. tesco has a trolley for this.i don't send any cards, I donate my postage to local hospice and ask friends not to send me a card but put stamp cost into any charity can.

Personally I would have loved the National Trust subscription even if my husband was too grumpy to go with me! Like others on here I can't understand why YOU are organising this, if it would upset your DH to know they were not being sent presents then let him sort it! We have a similar problem with my DH's younger son, I would never send him anything after his treatment of his father (don't care what his feelings are about me), so it is down to DH to both send and more importantly REMEMBER to send.

Abbey
Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you giving gifts to people who don't like you and have nothing to do with you or your husband. For goodness sake Knock It On The Head!!!

Well Done Rosina!