Emotional

lol Jinglbells I don't think anyone thought you were literally trying to take someone out with the cake tin lid. (or should that be )

I know my adult dd does the thing where she asks my opinion, I give it, and then she accuses me of trying to tell her what to do (because it's not what she wants me to say, she wants me to agree with her). I don't know how many times I've trotted out the line of "If you don't want to know my opinion, don't ASK it!"

I feel better knowing that others feel as I do-reluctant to speak out or rock the boat in case of estrangement. We know quite a few parents who have been estranged from their grown up children who refused contact for years. You think it won't happen to you but it did to good friends of ours ( they still don't know why but contact has resumed after 10 years)
My DH and I have 2 DS and their families who both live away - one in Ireland. We find we wait to be told the details of how ,when and where. We ask if it is ok to go and see them I.e. if convenient. If we have the grandchildren it tends to be on their terms. We have good relationships with all with tensions now and then but biting my tongue is a frequent act. I used to be very close to DS 2 but as a mum I rarely get to spend any time with either of them on their own. DH has chances to go to a rugby match or football or help do a job in the house. But although I get chance to spend time with my DIL because of the above its never the other way round and the twice when I could have my DIL changed her mind over arrangements and swopped activities with DS!! But it is sad that the kids seem to be able to say things to us but we feel we cannot reciprocate. Many of the posts talk about this . Buttoning your lips , putting up with hurtful remarks. It's good to know there are lots of us out there feeling the same. It must be part of growing older. I suspect our own parents felt the same maybe? Thanks for listening.

It's definitely that time of year! I used to work in a public department, people were nuts before Christmas and worse after New Year for a few days! Why do we do it to ourselves? On that note, I have had to learn to chill and button my lip with my family. DIL's mother is the one that I have to bite my tongue with most often, but I have decided it's often me taking umbridge over the time she spends with MY grandchild! I had good advice from a gransnetter earlier in the year, in a similar situation, who said 'who cares so long as we both have grandchilds best interests at heart' which we both do. However, I seem inclined to fire a warning shot across her boughs (bows?!) now and then.....?...just to make me feel better!

I probably would have said something in the restaurant too, rockchick, but if I got told off for saying something I'd have let the baby make a mess next time. Some people (the dad, not the baby) have to learn the hard way.

On the other hand, perhaps it wouldn't have mattered if the baby had made a mess in a restaurant ?

You're normal opelessgran. I swear we're all like that with the 'other lot'.

I swear we are not all "like that" at all.

I've found this thread very helpful too.
Of our four, only oldest daughter never married, and we have seen her a lot, remained very close . But 3 years ago she met someone who now shares her life. I'm so glad they have eachother, but sad that our relationship has changed. Naturally, he wants her all to himself and isn't too happy when I go to stay with them.
The time has come for us to back off, and wait to be invited, I think.

Anya you hit nail on head with your " offering that was construed as organising" as my " checking before doing is construed as not caring seemingly " as somebody else said here you can't win really - I laugh at all these self help " how to be the greatest granny books", it's a blinking minefield still the little/big tykes are worth all the bitten lips in the world.

I agree Rockchick and as far as I am concerned the only reason that people write those "How to be the perfect Grandparent" books, or indeed any other self help book, is to make money.
There is no way anyone could write a book long enough to cover all the situations that crop up and every GP knows that it is a minefield and there is NO foolproof method, neither is there a perfect GP, DC, GC or anyone else! We are all normal and what a relief that is too, it could be so boring otherwise!

This thread has given me a good giggle so thank you everyone!

I had an altercation with my eldest DD about two years ago, and tried to make things up several times, but got nowhere....then I read somewhere "stay away from people that make you sad or unhappy", so I stopped apologising and kept my distance, and guess what - she has now started coming round to see me and her dad again! and things are gradually getting back to normal.

Wise words yattypung (love the name)