Black Dog 24

It’s been on for hours and is at 17.
It’s just a cold house.
Hvdy I’m glad you got steroids. I hope they help.
Got hair cut and coloured today but hairdresser was not her usual self so it was a bit strained.
I just can’t get out of
This hole I’m in. I don’t understand how he can act as if nothings happened after the nastiness of last weekend.
Wyllow I think the suggestion about the quakers is a good one. You used to find peace there.
My faith used to help me but not any more.

HVDY so glad you’ve got the steroids. Hope they make a difference soon. I was diagnosed asthmatic when I was 25. It’s well controlled now though. I take Montelukast and Fostair inhaler.*
Your brother is unbelievable, you have done all you can and he’s not interested. Good idea to let him stew a bit
Sweetpeasue glad you got to chat to the doctor about your concerns. I hope the Amitriptyline helps with the pain and you get better sleep. Is the doctor going to arrange for that blood test for your husband?
Sorry forgive me my mind is very foggy at the moment.is the rheumatologist appointment for you or your DH. I thought h had one in June with someone?
Ellie Anne it is quite possible your husband is on the spectrum. In which case he may have no idea how his behaviour impacts you or have any ability to control it. I don’t suppose he would consider getting tested to see if they could help him in any way?
Hoping your friend is doing better and the test results are ok.
Wyllow sorry you’re not feeling so good. I’m just so pleased you’re popping in so often and writing a bit more. Hope you have a good night and tomorrow is a better day.
Thanks Scaredycat I’m glad you had your meal out and enjoyed it. I do realise I am coping better and can sense how far I’ve come from the early weeks, it’s just the sadness that comes over in waves that gets me,
You’ve coped so well with your AF and have come a long way since you first started posting here but I’m not surprised it’s causing you some concern. I think if you have a long term health condition it’s natural to wonder if things are going to be ok. Are you having proper checkups on a regular basis?
As for getting older, I think we all are but there’s no reason to think you aren’t going to be around a long time. You are a lovely kind and thoughtful person and we need you here with us for a long time to come.
On a positive note I’ve been offered counselling at the hospice so I’m hoping that might help a bit.
More big hugs at the ready whenever you need one.
Hope for a peaceful weekend all.

Sorry don’t know why that one sentence was all bold.

Evening all
Sweetpeasue It’s a good thing that you managed to speak to the GP alone and share your concerns about DH. I hope the advice was helpful and that you are both able to access the support you need. It’s a waiting game for you both which is so frustrating but you will hopefully get there in the end. I hope today has been good for you.
HVDY glad you finally got the right treatment but a pity getting there was so difficult when it could have been more straightforward. Hopefully once the steroids have kicked in you will feel much better. Your brother is frustrating and your persistence with him just shows how caring you are. A break from it will do you good and hopefully make him act a bit better towards you.
EllieAnne sorry your difficulties continue. If your DH is on the spectrum then this may explain why he’s not empathetic towards your living situation. It must be so hard to live like that and I don’t know what the answer is I’m afraid only to concentrate on yourself and although it sounds such a cliche but “be kind” to yourself. Be selfish, think of yourself more and do things for you and things you like doing. Reach out for support from friends and on here too. Try to stay warm too. I’ve been wrapped up in a furry throw for days! You don’t need to be cold on top of everything else. Best wishes for your friends health too. Sending ❤️.
Whiff so sorry about your heart attack but it sounds like you’re being well cared for. Sending best wishes for your full recovery.
Scaredycat sounds like you had a nice catch up with family and at a reduced cost too! Some pubs by us are offering similar discounts obviously to get people in during the quieter months. I’m glad it cheered you up. I hope the cold weather doesn’t affect your AF too much. Take care.
Wyllow it’s hard for you not seeing anyone except your counsellor I’m sure. I think it may have been mentioned before but could you not look into what AgeUK has to offer? They will have trained advocates and will understand your worries. It’s a difficult step for you but one which may help you. Or like others have said, a contact from your Quaker group. I hate the thought of loneliness and wish I could help more I really do. Sending a big hug.
Nanny glad you’re feeling better. Take care on your trip out tomorrow.
Doodle I’m glad you’ve been offered more counselling and hope it helps you to move on a bit. You have done so well so far and this may help you further. I hope you have been ok today.

A sofa day again for me but I’m grateful I’m managing to get out for a short dog walk. It’s a priority for me and the one thing I look forward to doing every day. If I’m still feeling rough on Monday though I’m going to get checked for a chest infection (I’ve had one before and my symptoms are similar). I think I can get it done at my local chemist as they can prescribe. Hope everyone has the best night possible. Night night xx

My boiler decided not to work at 3pm this afternoon..a Friday…..I had got the hang of making the pressure OK, but this was different. Freezing cold….and the weekend ahead……

Was very lucky he came although I wasn’t sure it would be OK until he turned up at 5.30pm..it was iced up pipes outside (kettle, taking them apart…inadequate old cracked lagging) So glad he came. Have to have him soon to do the lagging, but he is not hard to have around.

I did feel sick a lot of the day, I haven’t got the meds right for tummy or its the regular drugs I’m on.

I’m sorry you had such a dreadful night, HVDY. Hard to bear on these long winter nights. I’m so glad to hear you’ve got the steroids.

- [ ] Thinking of you in hospital, Whiff.
- [ ]
Very understandable to feel very wobbly with the AF sometimes Scardeycat. When our bodies won’t obey us as they used to and are unpredictable.

I haven’t kept in touch with Quaker contacts, I didnt really know them well enough as friends as opposed to going to the meeting. Some email contact. I look so awful atm and going to a meeting…not ready yet.

Hope the supermarket visit goes OK, NannyG4, nice to get the chocs and flowers and warm thoughts for those low feelings.

Sweetpeasue I hope the pain has been bearable today, you didnt say xx

EllieAnne Some people blokes especially can compartmentalise and frankly, erase feelings they dont like.
It’s horrible when our faith isnt working, isnt it.

Doodle, I was a bit concerned your counselling was finishing and I am glad you have been offered some at the hospice and it’s helpful.

Thank you for my hugs Candy and others. I’m glad you got your sofa day to carry on healing. If its rough on Monday, yes, please do go for help.

Thoughts with all the regulars and the readers BD’s xxx

EllieAnne It's recommended that people have at least 18 degrees of heat in their homes. Ours is on at 19-20, from 8am to about 9pm or later. My hair really needs cutting, so I'm going next Friday. What colour do you have yours? Your husband sounds unemotional. Some people can have an outburst but then forget about it. (My dad was like it and so is my brother). Your husband is unlikely to change now, but you might be able to change the way it affects you, by working on your self-confidence. I don't mean to criticise or minimise your feelings; it is just an observation.

Doodle Steroids usually work fairly quickly, don't they? I'm glad you've received the offer of counselling at the hospice. Will you see the family this weekend?

Candy6 Dogs always need walking, don't they. Son1's family dog is Collie/Husky and loves this cold weather. I hope you feel better soon but yes, do seek advice/treatment if you're no better on Monday.

Wyllow3 Did the plumber get it all fixed ok then? I expect lots of people are having to call plumbers at the moment. I feel sorry for all those poor people whose homes have been flooded. Keep warm, take care of yourself.

I slept 11 - 5, so better than before. Still coughing and wheezing but a bit less. Might go to see Son1 and family later. Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

Hi all
HVDY- you’re right we should seize every opportunity to,see our loved ones if we can manage it.
I don’t blame you for feeling fed up with your brother- let’s hope it teaches him a lesson for you to be less available.
Glad you got the steroids and were able to have a better sleep.Hope you managed a visit to Son1 and family.
EllieAnne- you really should have a warmer home or else some very good thermal underwear. You can get nice cosy warm tops to wear over your normal clothes indoors as well.
I don’t think your husband has any idea how his behaviour actually is or he can just block it out. So do some nice things for yourself , enjoy a drink when you feel like it and above all keep,warm.
Doodle- thank you for your kind comments. In general I cope with the AF but now it’s 24/7 it’s extremely tiring with no let up. Trouble is there are no regular check ups only the odd blood test. Don’t want to sound an old moaner but it’s quite a lonely thing to have.
How welcome the offer for some counselling at the Hospice must have been . Somewhere you feel comfortable and familiar. Hope you,ve had a good day today - it’s been freezing hasn’t it. The hugs were lovely thank youx
Candy6- it’s good you feel a bit stronger so you can get out with the dogs. I totally,understand how important it is to you both mentally and physically. Wise to then rest on the sofa in the warm.
Hope you get something to help your possible chest infection on Monday . Take care and keep warm.
Wyllow- oh what a pain- so glad the plumber turned up. At least you won’t mind him coming again soon as you felt comfortable with him.
Sorry about the nausea- yes it could be any of the meds couldn’t it.
So nice to see you posting - very kind and thoughtful- you sound a bit more engaged. Our old Wyllow is closer.
Take care and make sure you eat well and keep warm
SweetPeaSue- hope you have had as good a day as possible.
Whiff- thinking of you and hope you are comfortable
Nadateturbe,NannyG4,Lucyd,Allsorts,Elveral and anyone I,ve forgotten plus readers wishing you a peaceful night.

ScaredyCat I'm sorry you have the AF all the time. My SIL's sister had an ablation for that and it seems to have helped. DH and I met Son1, the 2 GDs and SGS. Had lunch at Wetherspoons )I had a salad), a look in Tesco, then to their house. Made a fuss of the dog, cat, and all the rats . Not much on tv so I might do some ironing (thrilling). Hope everyone has been ok x

Candy sorry you’re not feeling too good, hope you feel better soon. It’s really cold out. Hope you don’t stay out too long.
Yes more counselling might help. This time I’m offered 12 sessions. Don’t know if it will do any good but I’ll give it a try.
Been out for lunch at the hospice today which was nice.
Wyllow so glad you managed to get your boiler sorted. Last thing you need in this cold weather. Sounds like a nice man. Useful to know who to turn to.
Yes the counselling offer is good. I’ll see how I get on. Trouble is no one can fix the sadness.
Do hope you get your meds sorted soon and feel a bit better.
HVDY glad you slept better that will help, I think the steroids should start to work soon and hopefully you will see improvement. No not seeing family this weekend but maybe my sons during the week. Hope you get a visit.
Scaredycat it’s so cold outside I got chilled going out to lunch today. So nice to be back home in the warm. Is your AF like palpitations all the time? Must be distressing even if you know what it is. Do you not have regular checkups with cardiology?
Reviews seem few and far between these days.
I’m so tired tonight. Can hardly keep my eyes open. I want to go to church tomorrow so will probably have an early night.
Sweetoeasue I worry about you, between your own health issues and you husbands you must be so stressed out. These hospital appointments can’t come soon enough. Hope they provide some answers,
Take care all xx

NannyG4 Hope you're continuing to feel better. Thanks for the flowers in your post! How lovely to find some on your doorstep along with the chocs. Nice to know people care.
Doodle I hope you've not had too bad a day. I know when it's so icy on the pavements it can keep people in and I realise that wouldn't help you right now - you need company. Glad to hear you'll be having counselling at the hospice. I know you feel comfortable there so hope that goes well. Yes you're right it's June- we both have one the same day, myself with Rheumatologist and DH with Neurology. What a pair we are.
Candy You still sound as if your chest is bad. Please see a GP if you're still not well next week - it might not shift if it's an infection. I can understand those walks with your dog must be really special. Hope you've got good grips on your footwear.
Kind words there for EllieAnne.
Scaredycat It can be frightening to get to the stage of thinking ahead about our physical health - I do it with worrying about DH. Knowing it doesn't help doesn't stop the worries . It must be really hard with the AF when it's there constantly and a constant reminder. You are certainly not 'an old moaner' you are so supportive to everyone else. It's a shame there's no regular check-ups as even if its not got worse they would put your mind at rest. Like so many things , AF can't be seen , like a broken arm or something. Only you yourself know. I do feel for you.💐
EllieAnne It's cold here in the North-East so can imagine it will be so much colder up in Scotland. I hope you have some thick socks and outer clothing . Please be kind to yourself as others have said. It's a lonely business when people have a spouse or partner who can't show affection. I hope your friend is doing OK in hospital. I was going to do dry January too but have yet to make a start!
Take care of yourself, just as you do for others.
HVDY Good you had a better night but sorry to hear your still wheezing. Hope those steroids soon do their work.
Helpful words to EllieAnne there- I think confidence takes a real hit when we feel unloved and if one is doing all the looking after. I'm sorry about the lack of response from your DB. Honestly , you try so hard with him - I'd be so angry and frustrated too. As you say , he'll contact you when he want/ needs to. But so very annoying.
I need to lose weight too but it's so hard when it's this cold ( well, that's my excuse). I just had a baked potato with tuna and salad. Yummy.- Not!
Wyllow Oh thank goodness you managed to get someone out for the boiler and that he was easy to get on with. Is it working OK now? We had a carry on with the control switch for our heating and water' it kept going on and off so we can only have the heating on or water. DH getting a new switch box tomorrow. I wouldn't have a clue if I was on my own.
Oh that tummy- wish it would stop giving you so much trouble. Might you ring Doc sis ?
Thanks I wasn't too good yesterday but better day today. Take care of yourself and good for you koko. x
Whiff Hope your still being looked after we'll. Sending 🌹

Took aunt out today. Wasn't till we got out did I realise how icy it was. Her large yard to her house was like a skating rink so put down loads of salt. Told her to stay indoors tonight and tomorrow. Her DD will go Monday.
Had boiler problems this aft so rang sis as her partner is electrician and showed us the new switch box needed.
Finished doll this afternoon. She looks quite nice but I know all the mistakes. Am starting on another one now.

Hoping everyone is OK and love to those not personally mentioned too. Wishing a peaceful night for all. X

Meet Mary- Jane.

Doodle Glad you went out today. What did you have for lunch? DH and I have started a diet - SlimFast this morning, then Wetherspoons for lunch (he had ham, egg and chips . I had a plain salad. Tonight was sandwich & crisps for DH, I had a jacket potato and baked beans, then an orange. Did you have a pudding after your lunch?

SweetpeaSue You are so kind to your aunt. Good of you o put salt down for her. Your Mary - Jane is beautiful! I love her. How long did it take, and what is she stuffed with?

Doodle Please don't worry - though it's so kind of you. The appt that was in June for DH - hadn't realised it was Neurology- so when I questioned DH he remembered it was for headache clinic, when GP was certain it wasn't GCA but migraine. I've crossed it off , it'll have to be cancelled, it's already been diagnosed and treated for GCA.
GP finally treating the high BP in right arm by adding another med so he's to hand in BP readings on Monday - then after a few dys - so GP has looked at them , needs to go back and ask for the blood test. GP didn't say he was going to arrange one when I went in for my appt the other day.
I've been better today but I know the aches n pains of what's expected to be Fibromyalgia are not going anywhere unfortunately. It's hard but I'm going to have to cope. It's not life- threatening whereas my DHs issues are more serious.
I wish I could take away your deep heart- ache and sadness. It must be such a yearning for your DH to be back- I can only imagine the emptiness and space his loss has left. You really are lovely to keep coming here for everyone . Sending another hug for the jar. Wishing you a good night's sleep and a nice morning with church friends tomorrow.x
HVDY Well done for the diet. It's going to be hard going it alone ( watching DH with egg n chips! ) hopefully he'll be back on the straight n narrow tomorrow. After my 'good' tea , I've just had 6 Roses.🫣
Mary- Jane is stuffed with a Polyester filling from Boyes. (I didn't miss the nose off - pattern didn't call for it) Glad she doesn't have ears, the amount of swear words I used making her.

SweetpeaSue DH is now scoffing Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Jaffa has been hanging about for more food - his 5th lot today. Greedy pair . I never even noticed your doll hasn't got a nose, but she's very pretty. We've got a Boyes but I never think to go in there. Might have a mooch in B&M tomorrow, just for the sake of it.

"See" you all tomorrow x

HVDY The pattern for doll was on 'Mary Doll Tearooms * which I googled.
B&M is great isn't it .
Do hope you sleep well tonight.

Evening
Wyllow what a time for your boiler to play up but glad you managed to find someone to help. You need to be warm. I hope today has been good to you.
HVDY well done on your diet. Your DH’s idea of dieting is making me smile. It’s very hard though. I like my food and even though I’ve been unwell, my appetite hasn’t waned. I try to eat healthy most of the time but only so I can allow myself some treats! It’s about balance I suppose.
Scaredycat I’m sorry you are suffering from your AF all the time now and feeling alone with it must be scary. Are there any support groups either locally or online? I’m a big believer in them which is why I belong to this forum too! I hope you get the help and support you need. You are so kind to everyone on here when life is obviously difficult for you too. Sending you a big hug and ❤️.
Doodle glad you got out for lunch today. It’s easy to say “I’m not going out it’s too cold” and whilst I recognise we need to keep ourselves safe, I do try not to let the weather stop me doing things too much otherwise living in this country, it would be hard to do anything! Hope you get a good rest tonight and mange to get to church tomorrow.
Sweetpeasue yes I do have good grips on my footwear thanks. Being an outdoorsy sort of person, I have a variety of suitable clothing and footwear. What do they say - “there’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing”. I like to go out in all weathers but have to be comfortable whilst doing so. Nice you still got to take your aunt out but she needs to be careful I’m sure. Hope you get your boiler problems sorted too. These things can be so expensive and getting someone to help too so lucky you know of someone. Your doll is gorgeous. You must have a lot of patience to make something like that but it’s been worth it I’m sure. I hope you and DH are well.

Hope everyone else is ok and had a good day. I’ve felt a little more human today 🤞. Night all xx

That was a better sleep, HVDY Glad you got to see Son1 and family. Well done on the salad…starting the diet…it sounds like it will be very uphill work to get DH on a diet.

Scaredycat are there any online groups or similar you can share having AF with so it’s not “just you?” Sorry it’s so lonely.

Doodle I hope so much the counselling can even help a little bit. I hear what you are saying about your depth of sadness, tho x

Glad to hear you were a little better today, Sweetpeasue. Oh, but if we all could magic those appointments for you both to be closer.
Going out with Aunt - yes, very icy. -did you just have a drive together?
I think your doll is simply lovely! Only you can see its not perfect! I hope the meds help DH enough to reduce the worries a bit. And have you got enough pain killers for yourself?

Great to hear you’ve felt a bit more human, Candy - it’s been a long time being poorly. Hope you can get out in that good outerwear soon.

Boiler has been OK today, but I’ve had a day of not wanting to get washed/dressed and just got through it somehow. Tum was OK, tho.

Night night to all BD's.

SweetpeaSue You must have a lot of patience, very steady hands, and good eyesight to do the doll. I slept a bit better, thanks.

Candy6 My husband hasn't got as much to lose as I have, so I don't want him to lose it quicker than I do . Glad you're feeling a bit better.

Wyllow3 Diets are so boring. I need to lose a lot of weight. Glad your stomach has been better and that you've been warm. I slept 11.30 - 2.30 then 3 - 8, so that was great.

I hope ALL BDers - regular, new and visiting - manage to have a decent day x

Hi all
HVDY- I couldn’t have an ablation - so nice to hear of someone who had a successful one. I,ve had it 24/7 permanently for 2 years now - it’s progressive so I try my best to keep active.
Your DH has a different approach to dieting- him and Jaffa are a right pair.
You seem to be sleeping better - that’s good. Does Jaffa sleep all night with you and stay asleep? My sisters little stray had his Ops and so his next step is meeting her little lady cat.
Doodle- the Hospice brings you so much comfort- how wonderful it is to have your special,safe place.
Yesterday was so cold wasn’t it. Today my DD and SiL popped in for coffee and said it was very slippy and not to venture out. So we did as we were told - the thought of A&E is a great incentive to be sensible!!
When my AF was paroxysmal my heart used to jump about like a bag of frogs . But now it is much calmer but irregular. So my heart can’t pump blood round so well- hence the tiredness.No there are no regular cardiology checks atm.
Hope you got to,Church today and saw some friends.
SweetPeaSue- 2 of DH children live in the NE and DD said how cold it had been. Glad you got the switch sorted - I ,m like you I have no idea about that sort of stuff.
How kind to take your Aunt out - and very helpful to salt her yard. Glad she has DD to visit too .
Mary - Jane is absolutely beautiful and you should be very proud of her. Now she’s going to get a little friend - you’re so clever. I just love her little hat.
You deserve those Roses after tea- they don’t count they’re only little.
Candy - it’s good that you still felt like eating when you were poorly as it helped keep your strength up.
There are no AF support groups locally but I do look on FB and Healthunlocked at the posts there.
I agree about weather and clothes it’s the icy ground that scares me. Can’t believe I used to Ski for hours in my 40,s and ice skate!! Oh how times change.
Hope you get to see Dr tomorrow if you still feel like you have a chest infection. Take care.
Wyllow- glad the boilers been behaving itself- it’s so cold isn’t it. You got through your difficult day- so well done for koko.
Would it help if you put out your clothes the night before? I guess though some days it’s hard to get motivated. So pleased your tum was more comfortable.
Tomorrow is your shopping day - please try and treat yourself to some nice things. The other day I got cherries- a bit extravagant but a taste of Summer for a moment.
Take care Wyllow- we all care so much for you.

Love to all,old and new BD,s or just readers.

ScaredyCat It must be difficult to live with AF all the time but you seem to know your limitations and pace yourself. Jaffa hasn't stayed upstairs with me for several nights. I think my coughing got on his nerves but he has cosy blankets all around in the house.

That was a good suggestion to Wyllow3 about getting clothes out the night before. I've done that for 20-odd years, a habit I got into when I used to get up very early to work as a carer. It's been mild here today

ScaredyCat I meant to say - I hope the stray cat (what's his name?) and the females will get on well. When we first introduced Mr Cooper ( a big stray) to our 2 females, they made him know who was the boss (Cleo). When she died, he and Stella got on very well.

Evening everyone . Haven't posted for a couple of days as it is not a great time at present. Late husband's birthday yesterday (60th), he died 6 years ago today and tomorrow it will be 4 years since my Dad. Dad really was a tower of strength and don't know what I would have done without him after I lost DH. So feeling grim. Got through yesterday by working and tried to stay in bed for as long as possible this morning then headed off to drop off my washing at my son's ( the joys of caravan living!) then went to the cemetery.
Don't think being cold helps.The weather is milder but even then the caravan never gets warm despite the heating, oil filled heater, extra rugs and fleecy curtains. I am wrapped up in my heated blanket,fleecy hoodie, gloves, etc so am snug but am conscious that the air around me is cold which can't be good.
Sorry this is so gloomy. On a positive note at least with the milder weather the pipes won't burst so won't have sleepless nights about that!
Hopefully my next post will be more cheerful. Apologies for not mentioning individuals but am thinking of you all. Xx

Thankyou for all kind words - just wanted to know I care.
Can't trust myself to post much as I've had a bad day , but just wanted you all to know I read and hope for a peaceful night for all and a better day tomorrow .xx

Good Evening Everyone…….

Just need to get this off my chest….I’v just got home after being to friends for a lovely lunch…two couples who we were very friendly with, well I still am….I’ve walked into my empty house and I’m crying uncontrollably , oh when will it get better, it never will really but I’m so lonely without my DH, I long for a hug from him……..sorry to moan but I know I can just be myself on this kind, supportive thread. I can’t thankyou enough for ‘being there’. Fondest love. ❤️🙏

LucyD and NannyG4
Sending you both love and warm hugs. I'm so sorry. I know words can't help much but just wanted you to know.
Sincere warm hugs and we care. 💐