Stillbirth

I would, maybe should, have had an older brother but he was still born before my birth. My parents never talked about him only the occasional mention about his name. Does it sound silly to say I have always had a sense that someone is missing from my life? I have no idea where he was buried, it’s a deep sadness.

My twin sister was stillborn and I think of her often. As far as I know she never had a name but I was lucky enough to get help to find where she was buried. This was long after my parents were dead . My still born brother is in the same place. I mentioned this to a friend who had lived in the same city as a child as I had and she said she could have told me where they would be buried because she had siblings in the same cemetery. I often think how different my life would have been if she had lived.

I didn't see this thread originally but it resonates with me now. I haven't even tried to open the link as such programmes bring it all back so harshly.

I had 2 miscarriages before having a successful pregnancy and they were bad enough but once you have held you own baby in your arms it is so much worse. It is just like losing a new baby. I have done that too, lost one of twins. In those days there was not the understanding there is today and my Consultant said "at least you have one healthy baby". He was a lovely kind man, it is just the way things were at the time.

Why do some of us have so much to cope with? Please don't tell me it is Karma because if it is I must have done something very bad. I lost my brother when I was 14 and last year lost my son. I find myself expecting something bad to happen all the time even though I know it is unlikely. This is not a case of poor little me, I am grateful for all I have and I have so much with my loving family. I have had more operations than I can remember when asked and got over them all and am very fit for my age but there seems to be no fairness in this life.

I have already posted in the ‘sad I’m not a grandma’ thread as didn’t see this thread..my DS and DIL suffered a stillbirth 2 months ago...32 weeks after placenta problems...they were IVF and this darling boy was much wanted..first grandchild on both side..we are broken and I am so very sad for them...yes the Uks stillbirth rate is dire

It is my biggest sadness that there are still so many stillbirths and neonatal deaths. As a country we have a poor record...worryingly so. We lost two beautiful grandsons who only lived a short while....it is a pain that no family should have to go through. I volunteer for a charity...cherished gowns...who use the fabric from wedding dresses to create tiny gowns for sleeping babies. The people who made George and Harry's beautiful little knitted outfits will never know how much that meant to us..it is little acts that mean so much. Several people have posted about losing babies years ago...thank goodness things are changing and the loss is talked about and support available. But we need more work and research into preventing these losses.

My first grandchild only lived for 27 hours. He was born far too early at 23 weeks. I know his death completely altered the course of his parents' life and I think of him frequently.
for all of you grieving.

Thank you Daphne ,

This has made me she'd a tear too. My fourth pregnancy ended in a missed abortion and I went on to have two lovely daughters. I have two sons and 3 daughters and like to think that baby was another boy - to even things up! I don't think about him all the time but I never forget him.

Is this the place for this? It sums up much of what I feel. I knew my little boy for 8 days before he was whisked away in an incubator and died 2 weeks later, I wasn't even there to hold him. That was 43 years ago and 3 gorgeous DDs and 4 DGC later, I too shed a tear.

Me too,a girl who lived for two days and a boy who died straight after birth.
Like you I suspect,I never talk about,I do a Scarlet Ohara thing,"I can't think about that today,I'll think about it tomorrow.

Our first little boy was stillborn over 40 years a go. We are lucky enough to have 2 daughters, a son and 6 grandchildren, but I still miss that first little one. At family gatherings I always feel there is an empty chair, and every year DH and I always remember his birthday. He was buried in the churchyard of the village church where we were living at the time. Even typing this has made me weep a little,and I think it is something you never get over. It is not the sort of thing you can really talk about to friends, and I was told once that I should forget about it as I was lucky enough to have other children and it wasn't as if I had ever known him, but I did know him for nine months. As some have said the pain never really goes away, you just learn to live with it and be grateful for those you have.

I would like to think that it happens less now, but it will always happen a certain amount, no matter how good the healthcare.

Happened to me too, and also to my best friend (40 years ago).Like all deaths, you never do get over it, just learn to accept it.

My first baby, a son, would have been 40 this year. Despite having 2 healthy sons and a daughter afterward, as you say Anniebach the pain never goes away.

I gave birth to a still born daughter and then a daughter who died shortly after birth, over forty years ago but there is always a longing , it doesn't go away .i recall Gordon Brown speaking of the death of his baby girl, he spoke of his wife's grief, how her body and mind were set for being a mother but there was no baby to hold. He and Sarah have a charity ,it's aim is to reduce these deaths. I find I still ache for my babies , wonder what they would have done with lives , who would they resemble , would they have inherited their fathers gentleness or my fiery nature . Yes it is a pain which doesn't go away

My grandmother had two sets of twins, fifteen months apart. The first were fraternal boys, the second were my Dad and a little girl. Sadly my Dad's sister died at 12 days old. I only heard my granny speak of her once. I was about 16, we were washing dishes in her kitchen when she said, "Oh Hilda, I wonder if my little girl would have been like you". We spent a few minutes reflecting, and she was never mentioned again. I'm sure Granny must have thought about her every day though.

Our first baby,a daughter called Rachel, was stillborn. That was thirty years ago. It is still a huge sadness to me. We went on to have a big family of healthy lads for which I am very very grateful but I would have loved a daughter.

To loose a child of any age is devastating, a stillborn baby is a sadness no-one should have to endure, and I have no idea how they come out of that. There is no answer to these tragedies is there, just the deep sorrow that we feel.