Feeling let down

Thank you all again. We don't expect to monopolise their time and fully accept they have more friends and obviously want to spend time with them. We were just a bit hurt to hear that plans for the four of us to visit the wine bar seemed to have been pushed aside in favour of others along with a stream of meals out etc and no suggestion we get together.
I think we have been over sensitive on this issue but probably because we are also sensitive to how anything we say impacts others.
Re Christmas, not sure whether their other friends are aware of the family issue so in fairness wouldn't think to offer perhaps.
We do enjoy their company so will put this behind us and look forward to a full house at Christmas!
Perhaps my new year resolution will be to try to make more friends, not easy as I don't like to push myself forward!

I think you are being overly generous having them for Christmas again, especially as your son and family will be there.
Their family issue is not your problem and possibly says a lot about them as this is an ongoing issue!
And, as a poster said above, why haven't their other friends invited them for Christmas? They've known them longest!
The more you get to know them, the less you'll want to see them...I think

tbh I don't mix my friends up unless it is a big event, like a party. I have people who I'd invite to supper together but I have to think they'd be good company for each other or I wouldn't. It's difficult making friends as we get older as so many people are in established groups but it's not impossible. Go to things that interest you, be friendly but not clingy and smile. Your friends don't need to include you in their circle, nor do you need to invite them for Christmas, IMO friendship is about giving and if you get something back, then that's a win!

I should imagine that almost everyone has more than one friend, so try not to feel resentful when they socialise with someone who isn't you! You're allowed to forge other friendships too, so don't do yourself any more damage by focussing on this one. Try to ease off and don't whatever you do feel jealous.
Christmas is another matter. If you don't want to host other people, then you have to take your courage in your hands and say no (not as baldly as that, obviously, but you will have to get the message across clearly).

Oh this sounds just why I prefer being on my own
Good luck I d be a bit less open with the invitations in the future, why don’t you and partner just do stuff together

I wouldn't host them at Christmas...they are doing the mickey there ...your son will have said its fine....but he is having less time with you his parents as you also focusing on your other guests....no way would I have friends at Christmas if I had my children amd grandchildren

but they sort of invited themselves and we didn’t have the heart to say no!

What a cheek! I think I would have said sorry, but we’ve got a full house with family this year.

You sound too kind hearted to me, and they are making use of your friendship, but it seems you are getting things sorted, so hope it all works out in the end.

Thank you all for your input, we are having a difficult time ourselves at the moment and so probably are just a tad over sensitive. We do know their other friends and whilst we don't socialise we do swap plants, catch up if we bump into each other so perhaps I should invite them round along with our friends to widen the circle.
Re Christmas, we didn't expect to host this year as we had hoped the family issue had settled down and we have our son and family coming but they sort of invited themselves and we didn't have the heart to say no! Our son is fine with this but perhaps next year we get in first and change the dynamics.
Re the trip, nothing is planned yet so I think we will look again when we are feeling a bit more positive.

It sounds as though you are just one of the couples your friends socialise with. They had their circle of friends before you arrived.
They do seem to take your hospitality without reciprocating much.
You may just have to accept them as they are if you want the friendship to continue but it sounds as though you are having doubts about them.

Is the Madrid trip just the four of you?

To me, things sound a bit one-sided.

They have a wide circle of friends, but you are the ones who have hosted them the last two Christmas days, and you’re hosting again this year, because they have ‘family issues’ and would be on their own. So they haven’t offered to host you for a change?

And none of their existing circle have offered to have them either.

If it were me, I think I would ease off on the holiday plans, and future Christmas meals.

But then I don’t really want to do loads of stuff with others, so perhaps I’m odd!

I think Graphite gives good advice about this problem.

You said yourself that this couple had an existing social network.

It sound like you have been doing things as a foursome but have never been integrated into their wider network. Is that right?

If this has been going on for a few years they probably think you are happy with the way things are. Have you ever said otherwise?

Networks are exactly that, Venn diagrams where parts overlap and parts don’t.

I think you are being a tad over-sensitive regarding the wine bar. I’d have just said something like. “Let me know if it’s any good then perhaps we can make a date to go there as we said we’d like to try it.”

Can you think of any reason why they might not want you as part of their wider circle (if that is the case). Anyone there you might not get along with or vice versa? Or maybe they just prefer socialising in foursomes and nothing larger.

I'm sorry you are upset by this but honestly, I can't see the problem. Your friends have other friends they see now and again. I can't see there's anything wrong with this.