Daughter says no visitors for three months

I have yet to meet anyone devoid of opinions or not judgemental. All non-judgmental means is that everyone is agreed on the matter or person under discussion.

I have yet to hear anyone by non-judgmental about someone who is abusive or stole the plastic gnomes from their garden.

M0nica

I have yet to meet anyone devoid of opinions or not judgemental. All non-judgmental means is that everyone is agreed on the matter or person under discussion.

I have yet to hear anyone by non-judgmental about someone who is abusive or stole the plastic gnomes from their garden.

Non judgemental about the baby?

Or visiting the baby?

Or?

Is it her first? If so, don’t worry too much. She will soon be on the phone to you for help.

Sueinkent
Just so you know, many of us never asked for help (unless it was an emergency).
Time with grandparents was always just for pleasure.

A woman's mother is not always the best person to give advice as has already been pointed out on this thread.
My cousin caught her mother trying to give her newborn a bottle because she was against breastfeeding!
My own mother was critical and lazy and I counted the days until she went home when she visited after our first baby.was born.
While I couldn't wait until l my husband got home from work every day as I knew he would share the load.

What exactly is full-blown motherhood?

Isn't it known as the fourth trimester ?
There are some hints of schadenfreude on here that rather proves why she might want to keep apart.
I think respect for other's decisions that are theirs to make is the correct response.

I never needed help. I think if you need help, youre not ready for full-blown motherhood.

People need help for all sorts of reasons.
My daughter had a caesarian section for both her babies and couldn't drive for six weeks, so among other things I helped with that after her partner had gone back to work.

Macaydia

I think I am the only one here in support of your daughter. I agree with not having visitors for 12 weeks while the child gets used to life outside the womb and the mother begims the long proceas of healing. Having visitors over would probably cause stress for her when all she needs is rest with her baby. The only interference she needs is when her DH is home. I wish the best for your daughter and her child. First one is always the careful one so just allow her to have self-confidence since becoming a mother is a huge step in one's growth. Give her support - not critisism about how she is supposed to behave. A congratulations card in the mail is not interfering with her wishes and also makes a nice keepsake for the baby.

I'm unable to think of any culture now or in the past where a new mum is left free of visitors for three months.
I think it more usual around the world for aunties, sisters, friends and grannies to be a comfort and support rather than a source of stress.
IMO, it is a terrible pity if an expectant mum is reading things on social media which are encouraging this.
I'm sure I rolled my eyes at the odd 'well meaning' visitor now and then, but 3 months of isolation could be quite damaging to a new mum's well being and mental health.

Why only female relatives keepcalmandcavachon?
My brother was living nearby when my eldest was born.
He was very supportive.

“I never needed help. I think if you need help, you’re not ready for full blown motherhood.”

I didn’t get “help” from my mum having given birth away, but this is pure naive hogwash. Everyone’s experience is different. That’s the beauty of life, diversity of experience. I’m not more impressed by a mum who went it alone anymore than a mum who needed support. Every experience is valid and no one has the right to diminish other mums for having a different experience to their own. It’s as arrogant as those grans who just assume they will be needed to save the day when their daughters and DILs give birth.

Ultimately, women need to learn how to start respecting the choices of other women, regardless of what anyone’s title in the family is. If we want to teach boys and men to do better, we must start with ourselves.

MarieElla

Why only female relatives keepcalmandcavachon?
My brother was living nearby when my eldest was born.
He was very supportive.

I don't know*MarieElla*, I dare say all over the world throughout history a fair few would have been hunting, travelling , sailing, working.....

Well, that's not the case anymore and men in today's society are expected to be equally involved in their children's lives.
(We, definitely in the UK)

keepcalmandcavachon

MarieElla

Why only female relatives keepcalmandcavachon?
My brother was living nearby when my eldest was born.
He was very supportive.

I don't know*MarieElla*, I dare say all over the world throughout history a fair few would have been hunting, travelling , sailing, working.....

And still might be.

JenniRen
That is not the point. In the UK, Ireland and the US (where I think, most of Gransnet posters are based), society is more equal. Men and women can work, sail hunt and travel, thankfully.

Of course.

The Forces can be excused from duty, flown home for each birth! Farmers can ask the animals to have a day off.

Not everyone has an office job where someone else can cover easily.

Hmm, not sure what your point is.
I'm from a farming community and most parents these days share the chores and the childcare.
Don't know anyone in the forces but hopefully they have moved with the times regarding parental rights, too.

Some of the happiest times of my life were in the few days after giving birth. The attention from friends and relatives, the gifts, the pride of my beautiful baby being adored and fawned over. I don’t understand this modern nonsense.

I’d be very busy after the 3 months or on holiday.

I’m so sorry for you. 💐
We look forward to having grandchildren if it’s possible.
Sadly these online forums are causing a lot of distress and heartbreak.
Your daughter is being very selfish and not normal in my opinion.
However a lot of parents do similar at various times. It’s happening to me now. I was there for them and travelled miles when required but now my grandchild is a lot older I’m not allowed to visit and they do not visit me even though not far away these days. Sadly I’ve come to accept this but heartbroken just the same. I will never understand why or who is behind this.
I have issues with health maybe that’s why.
I nearly died last year.

Yes, true, but two things she doesn’t realise yet of course as she’s still fantasising how idyllic it all will be! A) she will be utterly exhausted and often very bored and b) she will be desperate to show off her baby like no other!! Lots of love and luck to you and she will need you, she just doesn’t realise yet!!

HelterSkelter1

Yes 3 months is a long time to be in "quarantine". I was out pushing the pram in my small town very quickly. Chatting to anyone who looked in the pram at the most beautiful baby in the world! And my parents were able to come and see her while I was in hospital as I had the usual stay in the 70s of a week to get used to being a mum.

Times are so different now. Covid and lockdown probably caused some changes and we live in anxious times.

I first took my grandson out on his own without either parent (to B&Q of all places) when he was four days old. He's just fine, as is his relationship with his mother.

Wow, a lot of judgement in a lot of these comments. More mutual respect. As you can tell from my user name, I consider grandparenting to be a blessing! BUT- I have several grandkids and the parents set various limits w each child- depending on if the Baby is their 1st or a later child (if they have another, they'll want help w #1), if there are a lot of germs flying around, any post-partum depression, and TBH, I've also sensed some "this is about out nuclear family" attitude the admittedly feels like marginalization (which so many of commenters resent), etc. My reponse has been, "God gave them to you. We're here when you're ready." In fact, that's what I've said for years. And I've considered volunteering at child care center to get "baby fixes".

I do not see why, as the older generation, we cannot, politely and gently give our views in such a situation. Ours must be one of few cultures where elders get little respect in this regard. However, her decision has to be accepted, silly though it is. What can be more reassuring when you have a young baby with all the anxiety and uncertainty that brings, than your own mum, who's done it all before and can feel relaxed about the process. So reassuring for parents and baby (as long as the basic relationship is good). Who was it who said 'It takes a tribe to raise a child'? Meanwhile I hope you can feel okay, as I am sure you will be needed, sooner rather than later, and can enjoy your grandchild..

I remember my friend having her first baby late in life. She was going to have 100% natural birth she said. No pain relief and that was final. I bit my tongue whilst listening kindly.

After the delivery, she had a more knowing countenance whilst saying; “10 minutes in and I shouted Epidural swear word!”.