Birthday Party Blues

It may not have been up to the OP's son and d.i.l. to invite her, but that doesn't explain or excuse her GS not opening his gift from her, while she was there.

A d.i.l.'s family taking precedence only happens when a son enables that to be the case.

Reading between the lines, and probably wrongly, I get a sense that there may have already been some issues.
The OP is at pains to point out that she never crosses boundaries, always "toes the line", in a sense.

Smileless2012 we don't know which gifts were opened when.

My granddaughter took her birthday gifts home from her party to open later.
We weren't with her when our gift was opened.
We were at her party though (as was this grandmother).
Our gift was appreciated and we got a video later.
Did this child open their other presents at the actual party?

We really don't know a lot about the details yet.

Were the maternal grandparents at the party? They aren't mentioned, only the brother in law.

Page 3 and the OP has not come back.

Perhaps we'll never know what happened now.

I wish the OP would come back and give us the background to this issue.

The other grand parents do live in the same village . My DIL is still on mat leave so does take the baby to her mums while my grandson is at pre school . I would love to invite everyone to mine but two years ago my husband of 20 yrs walked out for another women . In his words younger prettier, fitter more intelligent with a banging body . He was gone two months after . I couldn’t afford the house on my own so moved into my 83 yr old mum spare room with the dog so we don’t have the room . Hopefully one day i will get a place of my own again and I can invite everyone to mine.i just know if the shoes was on the other foot I would make sure everyone is included . I enjoy the time I have with my grandson and he loves coming to see me and we have great adventures together but it’s just hard to seeming lose my son. I raised him alone as his dad decided fatherhood wasn’t for him when he was six weeks old

They live a five minute walk from them and see them all the time . The special times are always at their house .

Yes they were all there . Granny gramps three aunties and their husbands . On my sons side it’s me amd my mum . It’s hard not to think that when she has gone I will be alone . I keep a smile on my face for her

All presents were taken from the party to the maternal grandparents as I helped pack up the car

My son is 33 and my DIL is 32.

Thanks for coming back.
Do you feel any different now that a few days have passed?

Thanks for updating us.
So who was at the party that you helped with? Just you, the boy’s parents and some children?
Why was a car needed since the other grandparents live only five minutes walk away?
So you put in all the work, including loading the car then they drive off without you? I agree that was very hurtful.
Could you have just assumed you were invited too, even if you had to walk round there?
It all seems very odd.

I think it sounds like all the daughter-in-law's relatives were there after all - unless I read that wrong?

If they were there then I do think it was at the very least, thoughtless of them to not include you.
Maybe you coild have a quiet word with your son about it. I say "quiet" as he may also have found it rather awkward.

Meanwhile I hope you and your grandson continue to have happy times as you two clearly get along and enjoy each other's company.

I enjoy the time I have with my grandson and he loves coming to see me and we have great adventures together

This is very warm and loving. I'm sure that he will love having many more adventures with you in future. Hold onto this on your heart.

Thinking of you.

Oh dear. Why do so many grandparents feel that it some sort of competition as to who sees those grandchildren, how often and on what occasions, etc.
My Children were my world. When they grew up and got their partners, I felt I had been moved down a notch with them. Yes, of course I was and quite correctly so.
When they had children, it felt a dropped even further down -and - of course that was also quite right and correct.
Grandchildren are now all grown or growing up. Some I have a really good relationship with as I was a constant presence, others not so much a I did/do not see them very much.
Does it really matter? Thanks goodness, all my g.children come from happy homes, and surely that is all that really matters. All of them and their parents are coming to my 85th birthday celebrations this month.
For those fortunate enough to be around and near enough to see their grandchildren personally as much as once a week, (as the OP), then just enjoy that and stop trying to look for problems in your relationships.

Franbern I think if you read all the thread I can see why she was upset. I originally thought the other gran wasn't at the party and thought this gran was "expecting" things. I now think she was surprised that the party basically moved on and left her behind. The other gran was not very inclusive here I felt.

She says "I enjoy the time I have with my grandson and he loves coming to see me and we have great adventures together" so is enjoying the times they share.

However ...
being (deliberately) left out is not a happy place for anyone.

being (deliberately) left out is not a happy place for anyone indeed NotSpaghetti. This IMO was a horrible thing to have done especially as the OP's son was complicit.

‘We are just chapters in our children’s lives, but to us, our children are the whole story’.

This is in response to Franbern, who quite rightly pointed out how we move down notches as they grow and start their own relationships and families.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.
I don't really have any solution.

Just do things which you enjoy and don't expect any invitations.

You really don't know what's behind this attitude.

In my family,my daughter's mother in law is an extremely controlling and manipulative woman behind a lot of fake sugariness.
She has a battle with my daughter -the first person she's met who isn't intimidated by her.

But -
cross her at your peril .
At first,everything was fine with her until I aced her at a quiz with ease .
I had no idea that she prided herself on winning at everything or I would have backed down.
It doesn't matter what sort of family occasion is in the pipeline-she's there orchestrating the whole event to please herself.
And that includes excluding me.

Im still hurt but once again i wont say anything as all that will happen is I wont see my grandchildren . I have resigned myself to the fact my son is selfish and doent think about me . I would never blame my DIL as its not her responsibility to make sure im ok thats his . I will wait until these beautiful children are teenagers and then reap my reward

It was a proper old school party with his pre school class and the core family . My DIL is from a big family . She has 3 sisters . So in addition to the children it was her mum and dad, three sisters , their husbands and the twin babies by her sister . On my son side its me and my mum . They have two children so two car seats. The other grandparents ferried the food etc . i would never assume im invited or push myself forward . This is has been going on for years . I was uninvited from the hen night so I could baby sit my grandson for the weekend as the stag night had been booked the same weekend. I have never seen the wedding pictures as we certainly were not included in the line up and were never called for photos

They're obviously a large, close knit family, which is just how it goes, and not a bad thing, even if its different to your situation.

Do you think they might assume that you don't want to involve yourself too much with them, perhaps?

You're being too generous to them, MissAdventure. They seem like a selfish, thoughtless, nasty crew to me.

Princessjonsie, I hope you are able to foster other relationships/friendships while seeming to give all your free time to looking after your grandchild and, in future, grandchildren.

I do feel for you and hope there's a way the situation can improve. Best wishes.

I think the way modern photographers at weddings seem to miss people out is extraordinary.
I think it's because they have a more casual approach and the bride and groom rarely have a comprehensive list of who to take.

My son's wedding was one of these and the photographer was clear that I shouldn't give her any info as she "had it all from the bride/groom".

Not one single photo of his aunt and none were taken of his siblings that included their wives/ husbands/ partners/ children other than the big photo of everyone. His aunt and uncle seem to have even missed that!

The siblings are there in some casual photos but often as "background" to some other main activity.

I am truly grateful that his great grandmother was in them though. She was SO happy to be able to travel to it. It was her last ever long journey.

Maybe you are in there somewhere.
I hope so.
Fingers crossed 🤞