Paternal Grandmother

@Babushka1 that's generally because the mother of the baby will be taking care of 80-90% of childcare so, if childcare isn't equal, it's unlikely the balance of access will be equal unless the bond with a DIL is strong.

I read your post and it ring very true . It’s my grandson 4th birthday today. I have him a whole day on the weekend to give them a break as they have an 8 month old. If they need anything I jump and help . Feed the cat when on holiday and am always available. I have begged to help with the party , offering my services . I was asked to provide helium balloons so that’s what I did. I made myself useful and helped as much as I was allowed . At the end I stayed and cleaned up . Everyone from my DIL family were all outside and it was said everyone was going to their respective homes. I ask my son to take a pic when he opened my presents. I was thinking they had gone home just the four of them. Turns out they had all gone back to her mother’s house to watch him open all his gifts . I was sent home . I’m so upset so I feel your pain x

So 4 years on the child is now at nursery or maybe school by now How is it going with an older grandson are you still seeing him once a week Bluespark ?

It doesn't help that I lost my mum when she was 35 and I was 14

There you have it in your own words. In your own experience, you recognise how special the bond is between mother and daughter. That's exactly what your DIL is experiencing and demonstrating . She is a new mother and turns to her own mother. You missed that; but they have it.

So, stop feeling it's any personal slight against you; it isn't. It's just natural, especially when the baby is so new/ young. You WILL get to babysit him in just a short time.

As he grows, and his character and nature emerge, each grandmother and each grandfather will develop their own unique relationship with him. It's not a popularity contest.

We are the paternal GP's . Your time will come, as ours has.

I'm so sorry that you were treated this was Princessjonsie. Why on earth would anyone treat someone in this way, especially your son!!!

At the very least your GS should have been allowed to open his present from you, before you went home .

PrincessJonsie That is SO hard and very hurtful for you. I'm so sorry that happened. 💐

It’s the opposite here as our dd is a secretive person and our visits, some distance away to be fair, we’re regulated. Then often when we arrived we were allocated jobs before even a cuppa was offered. Like mow the lawns dad, mum can you make the beds now. A peek at the grandchild, then grandchildren but jobs first. Said gc are now late teens and although they’re affection when we see them, twice a year, we don’t hear from them though I do have a WhatsApp group with them which gets used a bit particularly when exams or holidays are happening. They now live a four or five hour drive away. So it’s not going to improve.
Fortunately there are gc in the same area here from ds and ddl so no shortage of visits but definitely missed out on dd’s children.

I actually do more babysitting than both maternal grandmothers in the more difficult circumstances, including cancelling my own plans to help. But when it comes to the fun stuff, the maternal grandmothers get preferential treatment. I'm not gonna lie - it's heartbreaking at times.