Buying presents for step grandchildren

This is an accurate depiction of me and knickers from my nan.

Whatever you do please treat them all the same! I have been on the recieving end of this and it has made life quite difficult.
I had 2 children aged 6 and 4 when i met my husband. My children were accepted and treated ‘quite’ well or so I thought until my husbands brother married and started having children. The difference in the way my mother in law treated his children was sick making and SO obvious to anyone including my children . Huge , expensive presents(new bikes, pedal cars, dolls houses etc) appeared at xmas and birthdays which my children saw being given. They are now grown up with their own children and don’t have a relationship with my parents in law, neither do my grandchildren and never will.

When it comes to presents we treat our step-grandson, who came into our lives when he was 8, just the same as we do the other five grandsons, but we didn’t start to do this until we’d checked first with his dad that none of the birth grandparents would mind. It would be easy to cause hurt if, for example, you’re giving more than the grandparents can afford to.

Don’t overstretch yourself financially though. As others have said, decide what you can comfortably afford to give, then divide it by the number of children.

I am a stepgrandparent My budget is equally divided

If you ahve not really met the step GC, I think that it's right that you at east acknowledge them, if it is only with a small gift or a voucher /gift card.
I think that they will understand at this point that they may not be seen as part of your family quite yet, but to completely ignore them would be wrong. Personally, even something like a selection box or maybe a gift that is classed as a "stocking filler" would be fine, and maybe enclose a card to each, welcoming them to your family and that you didn't want them to feel excluded - depending on their age, even a comment that money is a bit tight at the moment wouldn't be wrong!

I had an ex MIL who didn't even get much for her own ACTUAL grandsons birthdays & christmases- just cause she disliked me- she once gave him a farm truck that she'd picked up with her shopping at morrisons (they were about £2) and its not like she was short of money either! But gave all her other sons&DD's kids loads- Im grateful my youngest sons GP have never treated either of them differently in that respect, and always got them both (and youngest dd too when she was younger) gifts and now gives the 2 youngest (18&22) the same amount of money for birthday & xmas.& cards too.

Jaylucy- a comment that 'moneys a bit tight' is so wrong- it just gives those kids the idea that "they don't qualify" to have as much spent on them as the others do- they're only 13 & 14- and might not understand much about cash flow etc yet- but they would know about feeling hurt or left out unless all treated fairly.If moneys a bit tight, then allocate what you can afford to spend on all 7- then divide by 7 and spend that amount on each child. You can always tell all your own AC that 'presents are only for the kids this year'- I'm sure they would understand, and they would rather all the kids benefit.?

Treat them all the same, it’s the only way to go.

Did you not buy a gift when the baby was born?
I would not spend a large amount on a baby for christmas.
I agree with the others, if you always give similar amounts to your four grand children then I think you should do the same for the step grand children.
My grandson has a three year old little boy and his partner has a three year old little boy, he gets a present the same as all the other kids in our family

Fairness is extremely important.

About 60 years ago my younger brother spent more than a year in an orthopaedic hospital in Hampshire. Since we lived in Essex it meant that every Saturday my parents went to visit him, taking comics and sweets, possibly rather more than the rest of us received throughout the week. My sister who was younger than him remembered this for many years and she brought it up whilst we were with our mother as she was dying. This perceived difference coloured our families relationships.

In fact our parents treated us all fairly but my sister remembered this "difference"

Sophiasnana, my gransdchildren are 11, 10, 9, 8 and 2 with one on the way. The 10 and 8 year old also have a foster sister 6. Because she called me Nana from the word go, and we warmed to each other and I would not want her to feel left out, I have given her both Christmas and birthday presents. So do her 'aunties'

Not the same situation as yours I know, but I would be inclined to say "yes" give them presents. 'Spoil' the baby at other times !
Also, my mum ( 91) has 10 grandchildren plus husbands/ wiwes, who between them have given my mum 11 Great Grandchildren (+ 0ne more any day now) .

Mum buys for all four of us and our spouses.
Ten grandchildren plus their spouses.
Twelve (to be) great grandchildren plus a little foster great grandaughter .

Mum is on Pension Credit but she wants to treat everyone equally, so a small gift each and everyone feels valued.

What about a family treat, for each family, such as a trip to a theme park. After spending so much time indoors this might be a nice treat for each family.

It's such a minefield. One of my inlaws is such a stickler that all her kids are treated equally and that isn't just in monetary terms- one year she showed me that another relative had bought Teddy bears for them all and the one for the baby (which was lovely and clearly expensive) was smaller than the ones the other kids had!!

Treat them all equally. Think back to being a child and how you would have felt knowing you were receiving less than your sibling. Once you are a part of a family you are part of it.

I have an extra 4 grandchildren since my son met his lovely partner. When asked they say they have seven children all treated equally. As I see it there can be no his and hers in the relationship so I send exactly the same to everyone. The oldest stepGS is engaged, but I think I have to draw a line at partners.

Fizzygran

I have a lovely step grandson who is 18 soon. I have always treated him exactly the same as my 2 grandsons including giving him a small lump sum over and above birthday and Christmas gifts every year. He is 18 this year and has a lucrative part time job while studying I will give him money for his birthday but how much given that a present will probably also be expected at 21? Do i then carry on giving him the small lump sum annually ? What about future birthdays and Christmases? I am also concerned that I dont want to 'out do' his real grandparents as I dont think they are in the same financial position as me. Would welcome any advise on this predicament. Thank you

Fizzygran, it’s entirely up to you when you consider them to be adults, but for most young people 18 is the ‘big’ birthday and 21 is not so much of a thing for them, but it might be to you. This upcoming birthday is the ideal opportunity to make a bit of a fuss on his 18th, explaining that it’s the last one he’ll get a gift for. Perhaps at Christmas you could give him a very small token gift - if he is a student he would no doubt appreciate toiletries, notebooks, a t-shirt or a token sum in a card. I think it is more about how you treat him than what you give him - and that you do the same with the others as they reach the same age. I know my MIL, who loved finding the right gift for each of them in years gone by, happily swapped to a small token amount in a card now that they are adults - each got a special gift on their 18th. The money is received with as much pleasure - the only expectations they have are the ones we set! Think also of yourselves - you you have the budget and/or inclination to continue with gifts long into the future (for them all) or is this the opportunity to simplify things?

By all means ask your son and his partner what the children would like, or what they would like for the baby, but do be fair.

Giving the step-grandchildren less than you give the others will cause trouble. In your son's place, I would be furious if my family was treated differently than the other grandchildren and I would tell you so in no uncertain terms.

Either stop giving all the children presents, or only give small presents, or divide the money you usually spend by seven.

Treat them all the same
It doesn’t matter if they have other GPs buying for them

I would have to treat them the same. Your son has taken them on and they are a family now - I might even cause bad feelings which I dare say you want

I would buy them a token present that they would really like. My MIL didn't give my children the same as my husband's children and they didn't expect her to. It was enough that she acknowledged them and they had their own grandparents who gave them lovely presents.

My father sent a present for 1 grandchild and left mine standing there! He was never forgiven.

This isn't really about 'can't afford' is it? 5 presents, 7 presents. No huge deal. it's about their status as family members.

Will anyone be upset if you include them? Might some people be upset if you didn't?

Question answered?

(Yes, teenagers probably would prefer cash.)

Please treat all the children the same. I am sure that you are aching to pick up the baby, but remember the two children who will already be feeling pushed to one side with their mum having a new baby. Be the better person and spend time talking to them and getting to know them. My late MIL did this with my eight year old daughter and made her feel loved and included.

Agree with Hithere. It is not about money but about family! No more can be said. Just decide a sum that you can afford and divide by the number and be very careful as there will be one (middle son) who works it out to the penny!

Definitely divide equally between all of them. And Hithere is right, its about family not money