Buying presents for step grandchildren

I was so lucky that right from the outset my husband's parents treated my children exactly the same as his children, who lived with us, not their mother. Likewise my parents gave equally to his children. Both sets of gps loved the gc to bits.

Equally please. What child enjoys opening a smaller present than the other children? All equal makes all happy. Children have a huge sense of what is fair. If only politicians did too.

We have one step-grandchild, we treat him exactly the same as our other grandchildren. But that doesn't mean that we spend the same amount of money on each of them as their tastes and interests are very different.

Your step-grandchildren are old enough to understand their position in their mother's new (extended) family, and you will get to know them better in time. I'm sure they'll really appreciate receiving gifts from you, which don't have to be expensive. And if all the GC are together over Christmas then they won't feel left out or 'different' to the others. Your newest GC will not be aware of what Christmas is yet so spoiling her with lots of gifts is a bit pointless - but next year will be different! As others have said, setting an overall budget for gifts and dividing it by 7 is a good starting point, but don't try to stick to it too rigidly. It's not the value of the gift that matters it's the thoughtfulness of the giver.

My maternal grandmother showed terrible favouritism by giving more money to my male cousins than to the girls

Her reasoning - first it was that they were older and when we (the girls) were their age, the boys had girlfriends and had to pay for them so they deserved more money.

I haven't forgotten how second class gc she considered me to be.

To those of you who say that you would treat them 'exactly the same' you may need to consider that meaning that the step-GCs get double what your own GC gets!

Yes, and? Why does that matter??

What’s matters is what happens in this family. Not what happens in their other family.

Do you often scale your gifting on what someone else might have bought?

Why does Christmas have to be a commercial racket. Shouldn’t it be about love, care and respect for others, if the only way we can demonstrate this is by spending money then society is in a very sorry state

I know in my peers the Grandparents and extended family were not given a choice. They would treat them the same end of.

Nobody can be forced to buy more or anything at all. But they did have presents returned or removed to match the lower amount. And a warning was given. I know one Grandmother who was completely banned from all gift giving.

Treat them all equally or you could be creating a problem for everyone including your son

Easy for us, the question has never arisen, I have 2 step grandchildren, my husband's sons children, and he does too, my grandchildren. We treat all of our children in the same way we spend the same money on each grandchild until they leave school and start working full time. We have never questioned the fact that both of us brought children to our marriage, and when my son was living with a girl with a daughter, she was, and still is treated as a grandchild too (they are no longer together).

Children in our opinion shouldn't be treated any differently from each other, they are not responsible for their parents actions.

Definitely divide equally between all of them. And Hithere is right, its about family not money

Agree with Hithere. It is not about money but about family! No more can be said. Just decide a sum that you can afford and divide by the number and be very careful as there will be one (middle son) who works it out to the penny!

Please treat all the children the same. I am sure that you are aching to pick up the baby, but remember the two children who will already be feeling pushed to one side with their mum having a new baby. Be the better person and spend time talking to them and getting to know them. My late MIL did this with my eight year old daughter and made her feel loved and included.

This isn't really about 'can't afford' is it? 5 presents, 7 presents. No huge deal. it's about their status as family members.

Will anyone be upset if you include them? Might some people be upset if you didn't?

Question answered?

(Yes, teenagers probably would prefer cash.)

My father sent a present for 1 grandchild and left mine standing there! He was never forgiven.

I would buy them a token present that they would really like. My MIL didn't give my children the same as my husband's children and they didn't expect her to. It was enough that she acknowledged them and they had their own grandparents who gave them lovely presents.

I would have to treat them the same. Your son has taken them on and they are a family now - I might even cause bad feelings which I dare say you want

Treat them all the same
It doesn’t matter if they have other GPs buying for them

By all means ask your son and his partner what the children would like, or what they would like for the baby, but do be fair.

Giving the step-grandchildren less than you give the others will cause trouble. In your son's place, I would be furious if my family was treated differently than the other grandchildren and I would tell you so in no uncertain terms.

Either stop giving all the children presents, or only give small presents, or divide the money you usually spend by seven.

Fizzygran

I have a lovely step grandson who is 18 soon. I have always treated him exactly the same as my 2 grandsons including giving him a small lump sum over and above birthday and Christmas gifts every year. He is 18 this year and has a lucrative part time job while studying I will give him money for his birthday but how much given that a present will probably also be expected at 21? Do i then carry on giving him the small lump sum annually ? What about future birthdays and Christmases? I am also concerned that I dont want to 'out do' his real grandparents as I dont think they are in the same financial position as me. Would welcome any advise on this predicament. Thank you

Fizzygran, it’s entirely up to you when you consider them to be adults, but for most young people 18 is the ‘big’ birthday and 21 is not so much of a thing for them, but it might be to you. This upcoming birthday is the ideal opportunity to make a bit of a fuss on his 18th, explaining that it’s the last one he’ll get a gift for. Perhaps at Christmas you could give him a very small token gift - if he is a student he would no doubt appreciate toiletries, notebooks, a t-shirt or a token sum in a card. I think it is more about how you treat him than what you give him - and that you do the same with the others as they reach the same age. I know my MIL, who loved finding the right gift for each of them in years gone by, happily swapped to a small token amount in a card now that they are adults - each got a special gift on their 18th. The money is received with as much pleasure - the only expectations they have are the ones we set! Think also of yourselves - you you have the budget and/or inclination to continue with gifts long into the future (for them all) or is this the opportunity to simplify things?

I have an extra 4 grandchildren since my son met his lovely partner. When asked they say they have seven children all treated equally. As I see it there can be no his and hers in the relationship so I send exactly the same to everyone. The oldest stepGS is engaged, but I think I have to draw a line at partners.

Treat them all equally. Think back to being a child and how you would have felt knowing you were receiving less than your sibling. Once you are a part of a family you are part of it.

It's such a minefield. One of my inlaws is such a stickler that all her kids are treated equally and that isn't just in monetary terms- one year she showed me that another relative had bought Teddy bears for them all and the one for the baby (which was lovely and clearly expensive) was smaller than the ones the other kids had!!

What about a family treat, for each family, such as a trip to a theme park. After spending so much time indoors this might be a nice treat for each family.

Sophiasnana, my gransdchildren are 11, 10, 9, 8 and 2 with one on the way. The 10 and 8 year old also have a foster sister 6. Because she called me Nana from the word go, and we warmed to each other and I would not want her to feel left out, I have given her both Christmas and birthday presents. So do her 'aunties'

Not the same situation as yours I know, but I would be inclined to say "yes" give them presents. 'Spoil' the baby at other times !
Also, my mum ( 91) has 10 grandchildren plus husbands/ wiwes, who between them have given my mum 11 Great Grandchildren (+ 0ne more any day now) .

Mum buys for all four of us and our spouses.
Ten grandchildren plus their spouses.
Twelve (to be) great grandchildren plus a little foster great grandaughter .

Mum is on Pension Credit but she wants to treat everyone equally, so a small gift each and everyone feels valued.

Fairness is extremely important.

About 60 years ago my younger brother spent more than a year in an orthopaedic hospital in Hampshire. Since we lived in Essex it meant that every Saturday my parents went to visit him, taking comics and sweets, possibly rather more than the rest of us received throughout the week. My sister who was younger than him remembered this for many years and she brought it up whilst we were with our mother as she was dying. This perceived difference coloured our families relationships.

In fact our parents treated us all fairly but my sister remembered this "difference"