Buying presents for step grandchildren

I would be scrupulously fair, it will mean a lot to your daughter in law, even if the children aren’t really aware.
I could fault my mother in law for many things, but they always treated my eldest daughter exactly the same as the children I had with their son.
I can never think of a single occasion when they were treated differently, even in their wills, each child was treated exactly the same.
My daughter had a very close relationship with my in-laws, and I will always remember their kindness.

In your situation I would treat them all equally. This will prevent any bad feelings and maintain peace! It will please your son and that ' lovely girl'. Family unity is important , don't jeopardize that. I think that even if you don't see the two girls very often it is still a generous thought to include them equally when it comes to buying gifts.

Thanks for the helpful comments. The 13 and 14 year old will be spending the whole 2 weeks christmas holiday with their father hundreds of miles away, where they receive a lot of gifts from their dads side of the family. The last two christmases we have given them Amazon vouchers, which they were pleased with. Obviously the new baby will not even realise it is christmas this year. I think I will just do the same as previous years, giving some small gifts to the new baby too.

It's so hard isn't it. I too have a step Granddaughter and just bought mine a teaching assistant course but we are closer and she's 17 and really wants to be a TA.
The thing is I'm 54 and remember being those ages and sadly as human nature does, I held grudges.
It's not Christmas yet, so when your there next, simply say hello Bill and Ben, I don't know you but wondered if you could tell me what your in to as Christmas is coming up and I'd prefer to get you something your use ...then you've asked and so long as they don't come back with lap tops ha your probably find they'll say a certain make clothing and you can get them a Hollister t shirt fur example .

I would put money in a card for them both.

Scrupulous fairness and openness is the only way with this one. Decide a total sum which you can afford and act accordingly. If you do that, you don't need to worry and you can enjoy the giving of gifts, which is as it should be!

I'd treat them all the same they are now part of your family , my children were step children and my son was biological they all got the same thankfully and they appreciated they were accepted as family not outsiders , I do the same now I love them all and treat them equally

My daughter had two children before she met her partner who was a single dad of one daughter who has always lived with him. They now have a daughter together. I have always treated the four of them exactly the same as regards birthday and Christmas presents. I also do the same when buying numerous little ‘treats’ and clothes throughout the year. His family (mostly) do the same. I would hate for any child to feel ‘left out’ or belittled by unequal treatment although I do understand that it is difficult. The only time I might be tempted is with my eldest granddaughter who has no other biological parent to ‘treat’ her as her father sadly died at 24 of cancer. However she does have his sister, a loving and indulgent auntie!

"Real grandparents"? Really? OP is as real as they come. I would spend the same amount for all - it's easier if you shop around during the year, or put some coins aside each day.

They're part of your family now so I would treat them all the same whether you know the step grands much or not, seems only fair and will avoid any future ill feeling. Also nice for son's girlfriend to feel she and her children are being treated the same as others and welcomed into the family.

Divide the money you spend on the others equally to include them. It wouldn't be fair to leave them out. Or just get them at least something, rather than nothing. They're your grandchild's siblings after all.

I’ll have a step DGC by Christmas. Since my daughter met her fiancé, we’ve treated him exactly the same as the DGC. He has no family in this country apart from his parents and loves being included.

I don’t buy anyone Christmas presents. It’s a custom I don’t wish to follow. People who spend what they can’t afford are not doing anyone a favour. I bought my own 4 children a sackful of presents each Christmas. They are now adults. They get a Christmas card. The 7 grandchildren and 14 great grandchildren get a hug if they visit me. But I DID purchase 4 x laptops for kids use during school lockdown and not one of them phoned or texted to say Thanks. Their parents did though. Heartfelt thanks as the arguments about whose turn it was to use the family lap top had had them at screaming point. !!!
Oh and step grands? Do you know I’m unsure ? Unsure which ARE steps. Does it matter?

My husband has a son when we married, he's 45 now and recently we were talking about my mum who's long passed, he said your mum was Fabulous she always treated me the same as our two children, he said he always remembered first time they met she bought sweets for him, she always treated all children equal, and i treat all my grandchildren they same (step or biological)

I'm curious; what are applecatcher knickers?

Treat them all the same!

Hi I also have 4 grandchildren and one of them is a step grandson. I’ve also being in your position so I understand where you are coming from. I have seen it on both sides My oldest son as a daughter from his 1st wife so when he met his 2nd wife my granddaughter was 3 and her family never bought my granddaughter a thing. She is nearly a 11 now and still haven’t bought her a thing. My son and his wife also have a child and my granddaughter looks when her sister gets all these things. But you can’t tell ppl who to buy for. So when my youngest son met his wife who also had a son from her 1st marriage. I was in your position so I decided that I would buy him and my son also now as my grandson with his wife and I buy them both because I’m not cruel. I do spend a little more on my grandson.

I would buy an "appropriate" present for the baby and then share the rest of your budget equally amongst the other grandchildren including the partner's children - they should be treated as part of the family and any presents they get from others is completely irrelevant.

Yes, treat them same, for teens i suggest something to wear, like a hoody or something or a sweatshirt or jumper- maybe you could ask their mum their sizes and who or what they like-? I.e. their current faves, like a certain film or show character, (bands or film franchises are popular) or fave colour? Or a new backpack or clothing from sportswear shops etc- it shows you care about them too.

NainDylan surely applecatchers are the same as ‘harvest festival’ knickers….as in All is safely gathered in!
To the point though I agree with posters who say that step grandchildren are family and should be treated the same.

I have a lovely step grandson who is 18 soon. I have always treated him exactly the same as my 2 grandsons including giving him a small lump sum over and above birthday and Christmas gifts every year. He is 18 this year and has a lucrative part time job while studying I will give him money for his birthday but how much given that a present will probably also be expected at 21? Do i then carry on giving him the small lump sum annually ? What about future birthdays and Christmases? I am also concerned that I dont want to 'out do' his real grandparents as I dont think they are in the same financial position as me. Would welcome any advise on this predicament. Thank you

Please don’t make the mistake of treating the step grandchildren differently. I had two daughters when I met my DH. His family never treated ’my’ girls the same as our daughter who arrived a year after we married. MIL always seemed surprised that my daughters were around, even though I had explained that their father showed no interest in them, but she spoiled the youngest and the older girls got nothing. They still remember nearly 30 years later.

Never heard of 'applecatcher knickers' and my late mum knew most of the 'speaks' of the times??

Spend the same on all the children, it’s the only way to keep everything nice and have no drama or ill feelings, family things can turn sour very quickly. It’s also nice to do it that way as they are children.

You wont need to get the baby much this year, so maybe clothing too, or a nice 'my first christmas' gift- and next year maybe a couple of toddler toys- but still give the others a gift or two- or even a gift card by then in a christmas card for their fave shop or sportswear shop, to spend how they please, but always same amount.