How do I discipline step-grandchildren - help please

JillN asked
How do I discipline step-grandchildren - help please
And the answer was - you don't if the parent is there too.

I don't think that is harsh, it's reasonable.

If I had valuable antiques I would put them away whilst they were staying - that's not harsh either. At least you won't spend the time on tenterhooks worrying about the antiques.

Have you got a garden?
If the weather is fine, throw them outside (not literally, of course)
Buy a ball, inexpensive outdoor toys, let them get exhausted.

Try to enjoy their visit.

Geekesse, this forum is and as long as I have been here (mostly in a former incarnation) a suitable place for expressing feelings. Feelings are not only permissible they are also necessary for people who are not robots. As a matter of fact expressive posts and objective posts are not poles apart.

I think the trouble is Jill you kinda came in with the wrong title asking how do I discipline these step grandkids sounding very draconian, most people know you don’t discipline someone else’s children
You also seem to have very set ideas that because you cook good food they should be prepared to eat it that won’t work either as you ve found out kids tastes change and they aren’t all perfect with eating
You say you have a grandchild you adore so that’s great but just because these don’t fit in with your standards don’t make them baddies They sound like fairly normal 5/7 year olds and I presume they are only come for a short visit with their grandad
You haven’t said one nice thing about them in all your posts only the negative I have a feeling that you are a lady who likes control and calm, and for a few days you need to relax and try to ENJOY them, get on the floor and play with them, chat to them talk about their friends, their hobbies, their school, get some garden toys in, some colouring stuff , some puzzles
(charity shops have all sorts cheap as chips) and let them enjoy their little holiday with a grandad who loves them
You can clear up when they ve gone, breath a sigh of relief and get back to your ordered life, but for a few days let your hair down you might even enjoy them
This isn’t meant as a harsh post but realistic

Caleo I totally agree BUT it isn’t private as long as people know this they can express away but Jill called it a private site she needs to be aware it is not private

Oh sorry, BlueBelle, I had not understood that!

Caleo

Geekesse, this forum is and as long as I have been here (mostly in a former incarnation) a suitable place for expressing feelings. Feelings are not only permissible they are also necessary for people who are not robots. As a matter of fact expressive posts and objective posts are not poles apart.

Oh, I absolutely agree it’s a good place to discuss feelings. But the OP said it was a ‘private forum’, and it isn’t. However, she does need to express her feelings, and many gransnetters have wise advice and support to offer. I was merely suggesting a more private way she could access the wisdom on here.

I do understand that it’s different when they’re not your own Gdcs - your tolerance is bound to be less when you don’t love them (and maybe don’t even like them - it’s certainly not obligatory to like other people’s children) but to save stress, I’d definitely put any precious breakables away or out of reach.

And as for food, I’d ask what they usually like, and make that. It’s just easier all round. (And if it’s just pizza or pasta with tomato sauce, who cares - at least it’s easy!).

That’s what I’ve always done with visiting Gdcs, though I don’t need to worry so much about breakables now the 2 elder, who come to stay now and then, are a bit older.
For the under 2 I’d still put anything precious well out of reach.

Definitely have a plan for days out and wet day projects, check menu likes and dislikes before they come, if their mother says don't worry about food say you will be only cooking one type of meal per mealtime then and it is that or nothing. Picnic type lunches are best leave them graze then But say evening meal is sit down and no toys etc. Perhaps the girls can help you prepare one of two meals during their stay, I would definitely keep things simple even if it is fish fingers / burgers and oven chips for one or two meals can always do a salad to go with it , perhaps platter type foods so they can take the food they like, but on the premise that if they touch it they must eat a little of it. Buy some cups with straws and lids attached so they don't spill drinks . Box you valuable /treasured ornaments up or put them high up out of the way. Remember you don't have to be there all the time arrange a meal/ coffee time with friends during the visit . And deep breath and relax .

JillN, I DO agree with your point about marriage/not being married. It's irrelevant whether you're married or not. The bit that is relevant, is that they're not your grandchildren. My GS has over the last year broken a couple of bits in my house that I liked and that had a little sentimental (and financial) value. I am a bit upset about it BUT he's my darling GS and my love for him massively outweighs any damage he does. He might get told off for it, but my concern for material things is minor in comparision to him.

Sounds like a nightmare but as they're your partner's grandchildren , let him deal with them & step back , not worth getting too involved !

I feel your pain JillN, boisterous 'wild' children can be exhausting, we had six of them with us last weekend! But after a couple of hours romping in the garden peace and calm was restored.

We have one step-grandchild, we treat him just the same as all our other GCn. He's a fussy eater but I don't make anything special for him, if he doesn't like what's on offer - tough! He usually tucks in and doesn't complain.

With all our GC if an area of the house is off-limits to them (eg my craft room) they may ask why but will accept a simple explanation and respect that. I put fragile or precious possessions out of sight or reach of the youngest ones.

Prepare for a busy active day and pin a big welcoming smile on your face before you open the door. If they're only visiting for a day hang on to the thought that they'll be going home soon! Have a glass of your favourite tipple or beverage ready to collapse with after they've gone.

Good luck!!