im too old fashioned

I agree with the good advice already given: be yourself! A first birthday isn't really the same as a first 'real' birthday party with games and jelly and ice cream and all those things. The baby won't know what's going on and you won't enjoy what's being planned and no doubt there will be tears before bedtime. Make a birthday celebration that reflects your relationship with your grandchild, that's what we do and it's a much nicer way to grow memories.

The 'other gran' sounds common to me, it could be that the other gran feels common when you are there without sexy boots and sparkles, and prove that you can go out somewhere without a drink. She can't!

Exactly what everyone else said!

I am, by no stretch of anyone's imagination, a glamorous gran but when DGD1 wanted someone to take her shopping for her 'very lutifull' dress it was me she asked. [thrilledatthehonouremoticon] I'm still not sure whether that was because she knows she would get exactly what she wants as her other grandma has quite 'decided' views or because I 'get' princesses and the other grandma doesn't!

We each bring different things to our grandchildren and seeing them and being yourself will be what counts.

Being friends with the 'others', whatever you may think of them, is the way forward. I've also noticed from our grandchildren that there is quite a bit of claiming they look like one side or another but that soon wears off as they become people in their own right. Actually, thinking about it, the DGC are all so goodlooking they must take after our side.

Children need a bit of everything in their lives and to learn to enjoy very different people for very different reasons.

Two of my GC, who live locally, have exactly that scenario: one lot of GPs are party animals, very outgoing, quite rumbustious and when they go there they leap about and run and jump. When they come to us they look at books, look though our astronomical telescope, play music on the piano, go for nature walks, bake cakes - and they love that too.

And they see how we get on well with the other set of GPs and will indeed be sharing Christmas with them - and that is a valuable lesson for them, to see that very different people can get on well together.

The party (which does not sound like my idea of a children's party!) will happen; and then it will be your turn to offer her something very different and infinitely more precious: your undivided attention in a quiet environment with lots of cuddles and playing with whatever lovely toy that you will have chosen for her. Just enjoy!

I missed the puddle dancing. Love it.

Lovely post, Kiora! You have really clarified things, and I agree with you. Still, I can understand why cactus feels sad.

My now 16 year old Granddaughter proudly used to tell people that she had 1 nanny who used to take her shopping and go to party's all dressed up and 1 nanna who played dens under the table and go puddle dancing but she had to wear scruffy old clothes with the nanna. Guess which one i was? I used to see more of her but now the other nanny does. That's fine I'd hate to spend time shopping and in nail bars. It helps that I really like the glamorous nanny but what I'm saying is we each bring different things into our grandchildren's lives and they love us for it and learn from it. So don't you change one bit. You have just as much to give. I'd like to see your daughters face if the next time you met you had acquired a tattoo, skimpy top, leather trousers, red high heels and a stud through your nose. But at the same time nor should the other gran she too has a lot to give. Your little Granddaughter is going to have lots of wonderful memories of two very different grans.

You are child focussed, the other gran is party focussed; whose birthday is it anyway? Be proud of what you are cactus and don't change

One year olds don't need parties. I'm really glad your daughter is coming to see you. That's what's important.

cactus60 You just carry on being the loving nanna that you are your little one will know the difference in time and will come to you for those special cuddles,enjoy your time with your daughter on the day and make or buy a special cake to celebrate this special time,I too am of the opinion that drinks etc should really be kept away from childrens parties but you find so many parties now have catering set up just for adults which sometimes takes over from the original celebrations.

That's a crying shame Cactus. I'm not sure if you are saying you will still see your GD on her birthday or not? I think perhaps you mean they will both visit for that 'cup of tea' so you will be able to give her your present then?

One suggestion. If the other grandma is a studs and boots, mascara and slap, G&T sort of grandma, then rejoice in being yourself, a cuddly grandma who doesn't mind sticky fingers and is always ready with a smile. Vive la difference!

I agree with Tanith, just be yourself. I'm sure your daughter loves you the way you are.
Perhaps your daughter was under pressure from her MiL and thought that two parties would be too much for the little one.
I feel the same about birthdays as I do about Christmas - it's just another day and nothing to get upset about. I have to feel like this because two of my 3 DGCs live in the USA and I have learned to treasure the times I do have with them, rather than feeling sad about the times I don't. It doesn't matter whether those times are their birthdays or not.

Different families have different ways of celebrating birthdays cactus and in some, the grown ups join in and party too. Its not my idea of a childs birthday party but its just the way it is.. If its really not possible for you to join them even for a little while then why don't you take your daughter and granddaughter out to tea somewhere and celebrate quietly.