Silly news reports.

Man left housebound after thief steals lower limb prosthetic.
Police spokesman says "It seems he legged it".

If clamping down on small boats means turning to planes.
There’ll be people waiting in the wings.

A robbery of the tills in a pizza parlour gave the thieves plenty of dough but went awry when the manager said he wanted a slice.

Tearful group of women present plaque to the owner of "Bras R Us" as they close their doors for good today.
Mrs Audrey Aardvark said "We just wanted to thank them for their support over the years".

Gracious in defeat, the runner up in thecnational gurning final today said "i certainly wouldn't have turned my nose up at the medal".

Asked why he emptied a bowl of bramley apple surprise (served with delicious dairy icecream) over the chef's head, at a gastro pub, unrepentant Gary Gobber explained "He just gave me the pip".

When the local frisbee shop was closing down I wondered why the owner was throwing them out, then it hit me.

People were shocked when the local electrician went out of business

When old McDonald retired from the farm they brought in a new C-i-E-i-O

Campsite thief Billy Can described by police as "intense"

Distraught Owner of Soft Top Sports Car which was Sprayed with Slurry says he
"can't believe how quickly the event unfolded, all at once it was set in motion"

Thank you MissAdventure. This is just what we needed.

Oh, no; thank you people for joining in.
Silly lot!

"People were shocked when the local electrician went out of business" well yes, he was probably a bright spark

TerriBull

"People were shocked when the local electrician went out of business" well yes, he was probably a bright spark

I like to be current

Thank you from me too MissA. Loved your E by gum. Inspired

Drunken woman when questioned why she hijacked a ferry replied that she was Jack Sparrow.

The prize has to go to MissAdventure! Perhaps people don't have enough drawers for their knickers.

"I like to be current" well that's ok as long as you don't get crossed wires.

I could go on, but I'd better put a sock et in it!

And in today's paper...

Asked about his role in the cosmetics department in Boots , the store detective said, “I shadow thieves to the checkout.”

ClicketyClick

And in today's paper...

🤣🤣🤣

After a client's snippy feedback highlighting problem's at the hairdressers, the management cut their prices. It did however colour their attitude to the client given she was receiving other fringe benefits.