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Ah dear - why does getting older equate to diminished brain power?

(31 Posts)
ferry23 Wed 12-Aug-26 09:58:32

This is something of a letting off steam, cathartic exercise so please indulge me GNetters.

Some of you will know I had an accident about 20 months ago resulting in a wound to my leg which became ulcerated, led to lymphoedema and refuses to heal 100%. The road to recovery has been fraught. I'm going to have to wear some kind of compression garment for the rest of my life and I absolutely hate compression. It's like having a medieval instrument of torture on your leg 24/7.

I've been unable to drive for much of the last 20 months and as I'd only just moved here when I had the accident, I didn't have the chance to cultivate new friendships or fully explore any social activities.

As a result I'm feeling quite isolated and a little despondent. Most weeks I only see my wound nurse and the Sainsbury's delivery man and my cleaning lady comes once a fortnight.

My (lovely) wound nurse picked up on my low mood and spoke to my (lovely) GP. GP contacted me by phone very quickly and has arranged for me to have cognitive behaviour therapy to see if it helps with my loathing and dread of compression. She sent me details of various mental health agencies - but I don't think I need to go down that route . She also referred to me the Social Prescriber.

I know Social Prescribers are a sort of signposting "one stop shop" but that's about all I know. So yesterday the Social Prescrber phoned me.

Now I have a Bachelors Degree and a Master's Degree. I worked extensively throughout Europe and North America, with stints within the European Parliament. I worked with very high profile political figures and a smattering of well known household names. Whilst I'm no Einstein, I like to think that I come over as reasonably well educated and articulate with a brain that can still hold it's head high!

Lucy, the Social Prescriber, sounded about 12 years old. I tried to explain a bit about my situation and a bit about myself as she requested. I told her that before the accident I had gone to a couple of talks put on by the local Arts Society and was interested in some of the visiting speakers they have who cover a wide range of arts. I'm keen on local history and I also used to do a few pub quizzes with friends. Used to cook a lot and love to try out new cuisines and visit new restaurants.

Lucy's suggestions were -

1. There's a painting class at the local Age Concern as I like art.

2. She knows a lady who for £20 an hour + petrol costs will take me to the seafront for an ice cream.

At this point I'm not sure how I didn't blurt out "I'm not *** 5 years old!!!".

I suppose many of today's older generation don't fit a young person's perception of how an older person should behave. They forget we were the originators of the sex, drugs and rock 'n roll society. (I don't mean that in a literal sense, but many of us were children of the 60's when life changed for young people). They forget we wore skirts up to our armpits and had Fathers who told us we weren't going out like that and that the Rolling Stones should be put in the army.

Thanks Lucy, but no thanks.

ferry23 Wed 12-Aug-26 09:59:30

Ha ha - there's an irony here in that I've missed out a letter in a word in the title grin

grumppa Wed 12-Aug-26 10:14:18

Two letters actually - double irony. I quite understand where you are coming from.

ferry23 Wed 12-Aug-26 10:17:41

grumppa

Two letters actually - double irony. I quite understand where you are coming from.

I've asked admin to correct it - I hope they will. Nothing quite like making yourself look stupid while trying to convince everyone that you're not. hmm

Luckygirl3 Wed 12-Aug-26 10:22:52

Ah - the wisdom of the young! - they sure do know what i9s best for us!

But, to be fair, this lass was trying her best to be of help. It may be that there is little to offer locally. In her young mind there is a sort of generic old person, and I guess we may all have been guilty of that sort of thinking when we were young.

It is worth trying your local U3A - they do tend to get that we are not all toddlers in wrinkled bodies!

The problem with your leg sounds very frustrating indeed. I am sure it would drive me nuts. Well done for soldiering on.

SueDonim Wed 12-Aug-26 11:21:01

flowers Ferry. I think so much of this type of thing is geared towards people with dementia that people who are less physically able but have no brain issues get a bit left out.

I’m not sure from your post whether you are able to get and about or want things to do at home. Have you thought about NWR? nwr.org.uk/

It’s a women’s social group which encompasses discussions and talks as well as socialising. They now offer quite a lot of online resources, such as chair yoga, book groups, a quiz, lectures. You can join as an individual if you don’t want to join a group. It’s £37pa, which I think is a modest amount for a group offering so much.

Lathyrus3 Wed 12-Aug-26 11:33:35

Yes well, you’re almost certainly in the too 5% of the country’s try intelligence wise, so I expect she doesn’t come across many like you😬

I’m a bit confined in activity these days so I quite like to research things I know very little about.

In Kindle unlimited yesterday there was a book where the author has walked the route taken by the coffin of Eleanor of Castile - wife of Edward 1- . It’s historical but also about the authors experiences at each stopping place and the crosses erected there.

I’m really enjoying it so far and getting to Geddington or Charing Cross to see one is a little target I’ve set myself.

I know it doesn’t solve the social problem 🙂

nanna8 Wed 12-Aug-26 11:41:16

My husband had to go to hospital recently after a bad fall and concussion. I just mentioned, casually , that he was Professor when they asked me what he used to do. Things changed very noticeably and they were really respectful towards him. The thing is, they should have been respectful anyway, whatever his profession. It really pisses me off how people judge us ,especially as we get older.

Franbern Wed 12-Aug-26 11:46:36

I have mobility problems, and any time I see any sort of new health professional I always get asked, 'Who do you live with?'.
Really annoys me. Okay, I am 85 years old, and use an aid for getting about, but really do manage pretty well in my flat, totally independent living, do all my own housework, laundry, etc and am involved as a volunteer with several things.

It is the way the question is always phrased......an assumption that I must be dependent on someone else in my home.

rafichagran Wed 12-Aug-26 12:14:45

I am not trained like Lucy, but listening to you Iwould pick up that driving to the seaside for a ice cream is inappropriate and I would not suggest it.
I did a job where courses we provided were not suitable for graduates and I did not send these people on it. I was also up front with them.
I hope you find something that suits you. You sound so articulate, I wonder if you could either do a job or volunteering helping people who are not as capable as you. A lot of people, not just people not only a certain age are lost and find it hard to navigate things. You are not one of them.
I hope things improve for you.

cornergran Wed 12-Aug-26 12:19:39

I’ve noticed things can change nanna when I mention my NHS work history. They shouldn’t but often they do.

I’m sorry ferry, the social prescriber at our surgery is also very young and can’t put herself in other people’s shoes and feel the pinch. She’s very pleasant to chat to, I volunteer in our surgery and see her regularly, but does have a rather limited view of the needs and wants of anyone over her parents age.

I wish I had a helpful suggestion for you, sadly I don’t other than to say I’ve made two wonderful remote friends via Gransnet, although they aren’t local to me and our life experiences are very different our rapport is excellent and it certainly helps with the isolation I often feel.

A final thought is if it would help to access on line workshops in your interests? At least they would be a distraction from the compression struggles.

Wishing you well.

rafichagran Wed 12-Aug-26 12:20:31

Sorry heat not age, I meant 'alot of people, not just people of a certain age group.

Luckygirl3 Wed 12-Aug-26 12:26:59

Yes - when I happen to drop in that my OH was a doctor I get more respect from the NHS - makes not a whit of sense of course, but there we are.

fancythat Wed 12-Aug-26 12:27:45

But, to be fair, this lass was trying her best to be of help

Agreed.

I dont know how these things work.
I dont understand why you cant/havent come up with our own ideas?
[I could well be missing the point].

I take your point though about age.
I watched a programme yesterday that featured a 77 year old.
She was called old regularly.
I hope I am not thought of as that when I get to her age.
But maybe I would be glad when I get there?

Shelflife Wed 12-Aug-26 12:29:23

ferry I understand your pain. So sorry your leg is being so stubborn. As for a compression garment - I too would hate that . I enjoy wearing loose fitting clothes.
You are a highly educated lady and most certainly don't want a Lucy suggesting you could be taken for an ice cream! Although I have no doubt she was being sincere and doing her best. Good on your nurse spotting your low mood, do hope that improves quickly for you. Not being able to get out much is so isolating. Definitely remember my Dad saying " you are not going out like that , go upstairs and change" and I did - no back chat or arguing my case ! My Dad was a lovely father , a kindly man . I had no fear of my Dad but loved and respected him.
I hope your leg eventually heals 🤞and you begin to recover in every sense of the word. 💐

pably15 Wed 12-Aug-26 13:32:02

Ferry 23, the district nurse comes to dress leg ulcers that I have on both ankles since last December. I also wear compression stockings which she said I will always have to wear now even when the ulcers heal,but they're not too bad, I quite like the feeling of support they give, and I have a gadget called a MEDI BUTLER which helps the stockings go on ,otherwise it's almost impossible to get them on,the ulcers sting like hell and mine are quite small. I hope yours heal before long..wishing you well

Shel1951 Wed 12-Aug-26 13:43:13

I totally hear you, I hope things improve, I am myself hate it when I'm treated like some sweet old dear by someone who has not too many moons ago learned to put her knickers on straight,if only they could read my mind when I smile

sandelf Wed 12-Aug-26 13:48:52

I do understand but at least they are offering some sort of help/advice. We (DH and I) have recently come into the orbit of 'Crisis Support' - no previous experience of this area (HD suddenly and very seriously ill). Met many knowledgeable and helpful MH workers - yes some very young, heavily tattooed, etc etc. Everyone has been expert - as well as kind and patient. I think they are a bit surprised that we really appreciate all they are doing and try to use their advice and help. So I hope something useful comes of your contact and 3 cheers for those who try to help, even when they are from a different age and area.

Gin Wed 12-Aug-26 14:01:10

Oh Ferry, how I feel for you. I have a wound on my leg and have to wear a compression stocking and I hate it, it is hard to get on, hard to get off and not nice to wear in hot weather. Fortunately I have such a lovely wound nurse we are great friends now! She certainly doesn’t patronise me.

However, you did make me laugh. I, and probably many of us, are treated as infants and it is really annoying. I applied for exemption to the hose pipe ban after the useful information given on this site. The sweetly sickly voice and ‘there there ‘ attitude really got to me. When asked if I had a stair lift my response was to tell her no, I crawled up on my hands and knees. She did not know what to say! Never the less, I was given exemption.

Luckygirl3 Wed 12-Aug-26 14:05:01

Lathyrus3

Yes well, you’re almost certainly in the too 5% of the country’s try intelligence wise, so I expect she doesn’t come across many like you😬

I’m a bit confined in activity these days so I quite like to research things I know very little about.

In Kindle unlimited yesterday there was a book where the author has walked the route taken by the coffin of Eleanor of Castile - wife of Edward 1- . It’s historical but also about the authors experiences at each stopping place and the crosses erected there.

I’m really enjoying it so far and getting to Geddington or Charing Cross to see one is a little target I’ve set myself.

I know it doesn’t solve the social problem 🙂

Eleanor of Aquitaine lived in a castle near here and there is a landmark known as Eleanor's Chimney.

ferry23 Wed 12-Aug-26 14:13:12

fancythat

^But, to be fair, this lass was trying her best to be of help^

Agreed.

I dont know how these things work.
I dont understand why you cant/havent come up with our own ideas?
[I could well be missing the point].

I take your point though about age.
I watched a programme yesterday that featured a 77 year old.
She was called old regularly.
I hope I am not thought of as that when I get to her age.
But maybe I would be glad when I get there?

Yes, I think you have missed the point. I'm perfectly capable of sourcing activities outside of the house. First I can't get out of the house. Secondly, whilst my GP acted in what she believed were my best interests, I'm not sure I needed a Social Prescriber to suggest I could pay someone to take me to the seaside for an ice cream.

I have done some activities online, thanks to those who have given me some suggestions.

I am really grateful for having such a proactive nurse and a lovely GP. Not being able to get out and feeling a bit isolated is frustrating, but hopefully temporary and something I can work to rectify when I'm able to get out. But that's really secondary to having to wear these awfully uncomfortable and hot layers of compression bandages, which will be replaced with equally uncomfortable compression garments of some type - for ever. That's what's making me despondent and I think when your mood is low, anything else that might not normally be a major issue is amplified in your own mind.

My point was that I was being treated like a bit of a dim witted and helpless old woman.

Lathyrus3 Wed 12-Aug-26 14:18:00

That’s a different Eleanor and one I admire very much.

She was well into her 70s when Richard the Lionheart delegated responsibilities to her while he pursued his crusades. What a lady!

HelterSkelter1 Wed 12-Aug-26 14:20:07

Lathyrus3 What is the title please?

Sorry Ferry23 to go a bit off piste for a moment.

DH has had endless hospital visits and now home visits. Mostly they are very young medics. Once or twice some Aww bless type comments. But so far not too bad. But I hear your annoyance. I would be as well.

Lathyrus3 Wed 12-Aug-26 14:20:58

I’d never heard of Eleanor’s chimney and just looked it up briefly.

I doubt I’ll ever make it that far from here now, but how interesting 😀👏

Lathyrus3 Wed 12-Aug-26 14:25:30

Eleanor: A 200 mile walk in Search of England’s Lost Queen by Alice Loxton

Kindle Unlimited but published by MacMillan

I love the combination of history and present day.