Limericks 14

One merry morning in May
My favourite aunt came to stay
She wore a red hat
With a purple cravat
And is in stripey jeggings today!

But it's her humour and wit that I love

But it's her humour and wit that I love
It gives my spirits a much needed shove

But it's her humour and wit that I love
It gives my spirits a much needed shove
Shove the G&T here

But it's her humour and wit that I love
It gives my spirits a much needed shove
Shove the G&T here
But aunt'll have a beer

But it`s her humour and wit that I love
It gives my spirits a much needed shove
Shove the G&T here
But aunt`ll have a beer
Singing "Oh for the wings of a dove"!

She hasn`t got the finest of voices,

She hasn't got the finest of voices
Which leaves us with very few choices

She hasn't the finest of voices
Which leaves us with very few choices
Plug cotton wool in our ears

She hasn't the finest of voices
Which leaves us with very few choices
Plug cotton wool in our ears
Or drink a few beers

She hasn't the finest of voices
Which leaves us with very few choices
Plug cotton wool in our ears
Or drink a few beers
That should help to deaden the noises

I need something to motivate me

I need something to motivate me
But I don't want my neighbours to hate me

I need something to motivate me
But I don't want my neighbours to hate me
I could foster a cat

I need something to motivate me
But I don't want my neighbours to hate me
I could foster a car
We'd both sit on the mat

I need something to motivate me
But I don't want my neighbours to hate me
I could foster a cat
We'd both sit on the mat
And have a nice game of shove-ha'penny

But the cat would soon go off to catch mice

But the cat would soon go off to catch mice
Then presenting them to me - his worst vice

But the cat would soon go off to catch mice
Then presenting them to me - his worst vice
I’ll stick to a dog

But the car would go off to catch nice
Then present them to me - his worst vice
I'll stick to a dog
And a chocolate log

But the cat would go off to catch mice
Then present them to me - his worst vice
I'll stick to a dog
And a chocolate log
That's my idea of sweet paradise

A grizzly old man with a beard

A grizzly old man with a beard
As a child was someone I feared

A grizzly old man with a beard
As a child was someone I feared
He tottered about on his stick

A grisly old man with a beard
As a child was someone I feared
He tottered about on his stick
And made me feel sick

A grisly old man with a beard
As a child was someone I feared
He tottered about on his stick
And made me feel sick
When he died oh how everyone cheered

I hear he's now haunting the graveyard

I hear he's now haunting the graveyard
So watch out, and be on your guard

I hear he's now haunting the graveyard
So watch out and be on your guard
He jumps out at random

With frightening abandon

I hear he's now haunting the graveyard
So watch out and be on your guard
He jumps out at random
With frightening abandon
And quoting at length from the bard!