Win Mary Berry books to celebrate the imminent return of Bake Off

The queen of the Bake Off is Mary.
Her outfits are chic, but not lairy.
Her cakes are so light,
A true visual delight,
And consistent - results never vary!

Her co-star's a baker named Paul,
Whose loaves always rise, never fall.
His blue eyes appraising,
Expect standards amazing,
Your showstopper's gotta stand tall.

There was a young man from the Wirral
Who thought he'd give baking a whirl
He was so good a fudge
He became a top judge
So who's baked the best raspberry twirl?

Our favourite cook Mary Berry
Was once introduced to John Terry
When asked, yes she’d bake
The footballer a cake
But he wouldn’t be getting a cherry!

I'll never make a pastry chef
I honestly declare
My puff is too tough,
My choux hard to chew
My quiches leave me in despair

Paul mentioned my bakes made him queasy
"Follow Mary she makes them look easy"
So armed with her book
I proceeded to cook
A fine Quiche which was luscious and cheesy

At Christmas time it would be very,
Along with the mince pies and sherry,
Great fun to make
A gigantic cake
And out would come Holly and Berry.

We're baking our limericks on here
The oven is full of hot air
We're cooking with gas
Gransnetters en masse
All flashing our buns with great flair!

The table's laid and they are all set
Paul and Mary for a tete a tete
The tea is 'drawing'
The rain comes pouring
Three bottoms now are the soggiest yet!

An aspiring young Baker from Rye,
Was baking a huge Game Bird pie,
but the Pheasants weren't dead,
So the Pie soared over his head,
Now his dreams are just Pie in the Sky

The crew of GBBO
Show us all which way to go
For we lesser mortals
They open the portals
To exquisite pastries and dough

The Queen of the kitchen is Mary
She's gentle and not a bit scary
With a nod and a smile
She can always beguile
Those contestants who are feeling wary

When talking of luscious fresh bread
It really just has to be said
For rolls, buns and baps
Pay attention, you chaps,
Paul's goodies are just streets ahead.

Don't forget dear Sue and Mel
What they do, we all know well
With a cry of "Let's bake!"
They make one and all quake
All and sundry are under their spell

Raise a glass to the Great British Bake off
Boredom get ready to shake off
Awesome foursome are back
Thrills and spills there's no lack
Wednesday evenings are all set to take off

Time to bake a birthday cake for Louise
So I bung together flour eggs and cheese
When the timer alarms I begin to frown
Aren't the best cakes supposed to be this brown?
Whoopsy think I need one of Mary's books please!

A bald man from Brum with a rug
Made cakes for his tea in a mug
To show off his mettle
Boiled eggs in his kettle
And always drank tea from a jug.

There once was a baker from LA
Who cooked sausage rolls everyday
He ate so many his bum turned to jelly and his baps wibbled & wobbled all day.

There was an old Granny from Bow
Who mixed cakes with the tip of her toe
A crowd gathered to see
What results there would be
But who ate the cakes I'll never know..

There once was a woman called Berry,
and a 'Hollywood' dish always merry,
Hot baps or your doughy ball,
She's a good forkin for em all,
if you're good another bite of the cherry

Limiricks for Mary Berry Cook books

Passion abound for Mary & Paul
As they kneaded and baked since they were small
Now they have reached extremely "Great Heights"
With there very own show on TV at night
Contestants arrive, contestants depart
They all have baking bug at heart
A tent is "Must" as there cooking is judged
Mary,s nice words, Paul a bit Gruff
The "Great British Bake Off" is full of Good Stuff

There once was a fella McDougall
Whose manners were pious and frugal
He'd bake one apple pie
Then from May to July
He'd spend sucking it up through a bugle.

There was an old Gran from Devizes
Whose break making skills won her prizes
Her Buns were immense.
They reached high as the fence
And her Bloomers caused many surprises!

Our Mary's a legend with baking
Makes pastry that's beautifully flaking
So with her books in hand
No more head in the sand
Great bake off's at home I'll be making

Mary's books would mean so much less strife
Fewer baking disasters so rife
Spirits would rise
With cake baking highs
And not least with those wise tips for Life.

Battenburg, angel of coffee,
Chocolate, Victoria or toffee.
I just love to bake
all kinds of cake
Carrot, or sponge or bannoffie!

Battenburg, angel of coffee,
Chocolate, Victoria or toffee.
I just love to bake
all kinds of cake
Carrot, or sponge or bannoffie!

There was a young boy called Jake
Who was exceedingly fond of sweet cake
He ate so much gateau
His tum reached a plateau
Now he can’t partake, for the ache.

There was an old lady from Brum
Who had too much fat on her tum
She baked a large pud
It did her no good
Cos the fat has now spread to her bum

There was a trim lady called Mary
Who revelled in everything dairy
She'd not gain an inch
There was nowt there to pinch
How come Mary's light as a fairy?