Win Mary Berry books to celebrate the imminent return of Bake Off

I have practiced and now I can make
A spectacular signature bake,
But with brandy-snap furls
Filled with walnut-whip swirls,
How much more can my poor waistline take?

So the great British bake off is back on our screen
So is Mary Berry our baking queen
Whether it be scones, bread, buns or cake
We sure know those contestants can bake
So sit back in your seat with dinner
And see if you can guess this year's winner!

The Great British Bake Off is back
You can tell by the mentions of - ?rack
Their greatest forte
Is being quite naughty
Sadly two or more cakes were quite cack.

There once was a baker from Kent
Who cooked up a storm in a tent
When he sweetened his cake
Using salt by mistake
So he came and he baked and he went.

My baking's a bit Cordon Bleugh
I can beat and I fold and I stir
But m'deira m'dear
Turns out flat as veneer
And the gin that I add makes me slur!

There once was a baker called Mary,
Her cakes were very light and airy.
One day in a rush,
her cakes turned to mush.
No longer the best baking fairy

The ovens hot and so is Paul its time to bake a cake
Mary said to use fresh eggs they help the cake to bake
now chickens are so hard to find at 10 o'lock at night
dare I use ones in the fridge looks like that I just might
My kitchenaid is set on 3 my baking has begun
in go all the bits and bobs oh! this is so much fun
I timed it right my cake did rise and so did my gas bill
its back on Wednesdays hip hurray - I do get such a thrill

I couldn't bake with Paul's eyes
Flashing blue watching my pies !
Mary the perfect to bake,
The spongiest ever sponge cake !!
Can I bake? NO, I cannot tell lies !

With all these wonderful rhymes I cannot compete.
And maybe Paul and Mary will give more prizes
So no one gets beat.

There once was a happy young guy
Who said he'd bake a pie
His crust went too hard
And he ran out of lard
And now all he can do is cry

When following a recipe from Mary
stick close and don't let it vary
if you use too much sherry
your guests may get merry
and it might even get quite scary

I decided a cake I would bake
Red velvet I thought I would make,
I got all the "stuff"
Mary said was enough,
The result was a beautiful cake.

One day as I mused by a lake,
My thoughts wandered over to cake.
I'm no good at baking, so my mind was just faking,
Can someone please teach me to bake?!

There was a old lady from Nantucket
who made some bread in a bucket
slicing was tough
and the texture so rough
that all she could do was suck it!

There once was a baker named Mary
Whose cakes were all light and airy
She demonstrated how to aerate and fold
Producing cakes a delight to behold
Following her lead
I've tried hard to succeed
But nothing's more rotten
Than my soggy bottoms!


Sent from my iPad

There once was a baker named Paul
Whose doughnuts were always too small
Mary filled them with jam
He said "thank you ma'am"
Now they are the plumpest of all

There once was a food writer named Mary
who's sponge cakes were quite legendary
she's stolen our hearts
with her pastries and tarts
unlike her co-host, who's frankly quite scary!

Mary, Mary, baking Queen,
my cakes a fright like Halloween,
to win your beautiful recipe book,
I hope, would make me a better cook!
Bake off's here, but my cakes a 'has been'.

There was a man called Clive
Collected honey from a hive
To make a sweet cake for his wife
And his hurry he tipped some honey
On his vest - oh no what a mess
And the bees chased him for miles.

We have known Mary for many years,
she taught us to bake cakes without any tears,
pastry ,cakes and even bread dough,
she gave us the courage to give it a go.

Mary, Paul, Mel and Sue,
Are part of the 'Great British Bake Off' crew.
They judge and taste,
While expanding their waists,
Their innuendos are naughty too!

Contestants skills put to the test
hoping their baking is best.
Measuring and mixing with haste
for the look and the taste and
praying Paul and Mary say "Yes".

There was a young girl in a frock
Who said it's very easy to mock
My cakes were so bad
They made me feel mad
I wanted Rock Cakes not cakes like rock!

If only I was as good as Mary
and could bake cakes light & airy
but the thing about Mary Berry
is her trick is lots of sherry!
I love watching the Bake Off
and seeing all those cakes to scoff
So come on Gransnet pick me
and I'll go on a baking spree!

The Great British Bake-Off's on telly
More yummy cakes for my belly,
Each week it's a flan,
A tart or meringue,
I look like I've eaten a welly!