Win Mary Berry books to celebrate the imminent return of Bake Off

Mary, Mary quite culinary
How does your Bake Off rise?
With Mel & Sue and Hollywood
All in your prize.

I love a bit of cake
So lets go and bake
I'll stir it and turn it
Try not to burn it
Or off my husband will take!!

When Mel and Sue shout 'Bake!' they start
To make pastry for a nice tart
Short, filo or puff
Some get in a huff
If it goes wrong, just don't lose heart!

A Hollywood presenter named Paul
Flashed his eyes and his teeth - not quite all
Though he likes cakes to rise

A Hollywood frontman named Paul
Flashes eyes and his teeth - but that's all
Though he likes things to rise
He keeps as a surprise
The treats which the ladies enthrall.

A WI member alas and alack
The art of baking I've still to crack.
With these two books for inspiration
Could it be no more desperation?
As I take them all aback.

Old Blue Eyes, that's Paul, could be Mary
An odd couple - but you be wary
Like Mel and Sue
Odd couple two
Together a quartet quite lairy!

There once was a lady named Mary
Who helped when my buns were all scary!
She gave me the rules
I donned them with jewels
and now they are very contrary!

There once was a baker name Paul
He was brooding and handsome and tall
His loaves were so tasty
They made us feel racey
Now tea time is really a ball!

There once was a baker named Paul
Whose dough was the envy of all
But he mixed it too thick
Now it's used with a brick
To fill up a hole in the wall

Mary Queen of Cakes rains down on her thrown
With lashings of cream on dropped scone
And very soon she came to be Bath’s own
Som er set her cooking books on a stand
Because her dumplings are best judged by hand

There was an old man from a place rhyming with pork
Who came on this thread and was a right proper dork.
Creat a limerick he couldn't,
And shut up he wouldn't.
And so they sent him to Cork. (for want of a better last line)

When I grow up I want to be
Just like Mary Berry.
I'll bake 'Wow!' cakes and 'Ooooh!' desserts
With lakes of cream and sherry.

I'll wear cute floral little shirts
When I judge the entries
And know that licking crumbs from lips
Is still sexy in my 70s.

(Because gransnet says so )

If I win, please send my prize to jings for making me laugh.

You won't win, janerowena, because that wasn't a limerick, funny though it was!

Not sure jingl is entering into the spirit of this competition.

Or maybe she's the only one who gets it.

Mary Berry's been baking for years
Soggy bottoms are all that she fears
On Bake Off she's kind
But contestants will find
Her recipes sometimes cause tears

Ssssshhhhh I know it's not a limerick, I was hoping they wouldn't notice!

I'm sure jings tried her very best.

My pies are soggy, my cakes don't rise. Really need Mary's help, hope you send me the prize.

There once was a limerick contest
So many have tried to be best
Just like on Bake Off
The contest is tough
Though choc full of stirring and zest

Oh why won't my bl***y sponge rise?
It's barely just frisbee in size.
Perhaps it will grow
In Mary's saintly glow,
Or with a glare from Paul Hollywood's eyes :-)

There once was a tart from Bakewell who baked naughty food to sell
She advertised a pie full
But gave them an eye full
And ended locked up in jail

The queen of the Bake Off is Mary.
Her outfits are chic, but not lairy.
Her cakes are so light,
A true visual delight,
And consistent - results never vary!

Her co-star's a baker named Paul,
Whose loaves always rise, never fall.
His blue eyes appraising,
Expect standards amazing,
Your showstopper's gotta stand tall.

The queen of the Bake Off is Mary.
Her outfits are chic, but not lairy.
Her cakes are so light,
A true visual delight,
And consistent - results never vary!

Her co-star's a baker named Paul,
Whose loaves always rise, never fall.
His blue eyes appraising,
Expect standards amazing,
Your showstopper's gotta stand tall.

The queen of the Bake Off is Mary.
Her outfits are chic, but not lairy.
Her cakes are so light,
A true visual delight,
And consistent - results never vary!

Her co-star's a baker named Paul,
Whose loaves always rise, never fall.
His blue eyes appraising,
Expect standards amazing,
Your showstopper's gotta stand tall.