Win Mary Berry books to celebrate the imminent return of Bake Off

There once was a lady called Mary
Who thinks soggy bottoms are scary
If she went on Gransnet,
She'd find ladies who will say,
"No worries, we don't eat wheat or dairy"!

There's a blue-eyed Baker called Paul
Who loves kneading bread above all.
But please never forget,
All you on Gransnet,
Soggy bottoms to Mary and Paul
Will well and truly appal!

There was once was a PM who said
"Slim down or you'll all soon be dead".
So the Beeb with a grin
Said "they'll never win,
If we put on a programme called Bake Off".

Moral of the story: it's ok to get fat so long as you do it on farm fresh butter and organic free range eggs. And preferably using a top of the range expensive Kitchen-Aid food mixer.

#onewomanwarontheevilsofgbbo

Oh how I wish I could bake
Some tasty bread or delicious cake
I've watched the shows with all the Pros
but alas their delights I cannot make!
So if I win one of the prizes
a cake I will make
and who knows....life is full of surprises!

When judging the puddings and pies
And flashing those Hollywood eyes,
Paul needs to be wary
Of gimlet-eyed Mary,
Who knows how to spot a good rise!

The table is groaning with all manner of cake.
However will I choose which one to take?
A long thin éclair oozing with cream
A fluffy meringue that looks like a dream.
All sorts of sponges, chocolate and plain
My hand hovers over time and again.
The choice is now made I'm happy to say
I'll take one of each and stuff my face the whole day.

I'm going to get baking, I said,
I'll make pastries and cakes, also bread,
So I went and got busy,
Then got into a tizzy,
And slunk off to the bakery instead!

There once was a baker named Kent,
Who aspired to bake off in the tent,
But his bottom was soggy, his sugar-work was foggy,
And his icing set hard like cement!

I love to watch bake-off on telly,
I tried out baking doughnuts with jelly
And flan creme anglaise,
And fruit tarts with glaze,
Now I can't see my toes past my belly!

There once was a lady called Mary
Whose cakes were as light as a fairy
Her puddings and pies
were a sight for sore eyes
And her sponges were so light and airy

A jolly good website called Gransnet
Have joined forces with GBBO
For a chance of a prize
Which could make your cakes rise
Write a limerick then press buttongo

There once was a baker called Mary
Who lived in a converted dairy
She cooked with Paul
Entertaining us all
That wonderful lady called Mary

A delicious cake
I'd like to make.
What I need
is a good read.
Mary Berry books
would provide the looks.
Oh, to win
and make use of the cake tin.
My family would see
a delightful afternoon tea.
Oh, to bake
a delicious cake.

Give three cheers for the GBBO
It's our absolute favourite show
From the elegant Mary
To Paul - whose so scary
So, good luck to all having a go!

There was an old Granny from Bath
Whose baking made everyone laugh
Her loaves were all lumpy
Her biscuits too bumpy
And her rock cakes they used for a path!

The competition is so high
But I thought I'd give it a try
I know I don't stand a chance
But I'm all in a trance
Seeing Mary's
Supercalifragilistic
Expialidocious
Splendiciociousness
Deliciocious creations
If only I could win the book
Then I would be a marvellous cook

There was a gransnetter called Kerry,
Whose baking was quite "extraordinerry",
Her scones were so good,
She wooed Paul Hollywood
And made Mary Berry quite merry!

The Bake Off’s back and I can’t wait

I’ve penciled in that special date

I’ve bought flour, eggs, sugar and spice

To conjure up something nice

This year I’ll make a show stopper for sure

Family and friends will call for more!

There is a great show about baking
It's there on the Beeb for the taking
With Mary and Paul
You'll all have a ball
Whatever it is that they're making!

There once was a very long snake
Who wanted to learn how to bake
When he lost his scales
In the middle of Wales
The only things made were mistakes.

Mary baked a little cake,
And spiced it up with whisky, -
Every slice tasted really nice,
But made all the "Grans' quite frisky!!

My husband loves Mary Barry's buns,
He thinks they're really "hot".
Mine just don't rise,
They're half her size, -
But they're the only ones I've got !!

Some highly entertaining ideas here but I hope you'll remind entrants that you're looking for limericks !

There once was a tasty fruitcake
That I was struggling to make
My oven was too hot
Burnt the bloomin' lot
So Tesco provided the fake!