Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Thanks for giving me a laugh Whiff.

Perhaps the man in the cafe thought he may have embarrassed or upset you with his response to your request, which is why he said he'd found it difficult to cut too.

I agree that you should have been asked about your DH's name being included in that monthly newsletter. I would always ask before hand, like the man who served you in the cafe did.

I hope your arm is better today. Is the letter you received a positive sign? Does it mean that your appeal is moving in the right direction? Fingers crossed.

Congratulations on the publication of your poem hugs. Fingers crossed that those faint noises will materialise into the exchange of contracts at the end of the month.

That's great news DSL. Sorry you missed out on your preferred property and hope the viewing of your second choice goes well on Monday.

Home tomorrow so will start packing up today as there's always more to take home when we close the lodge down for the winter. A lot calmer here today. The very strong winds have gone but they were useful yesterday, giving me a good drying day.

Such an exciting life I lead.

Smiles hope the packing and getting the lodge winter ready is going well.
Pain back to normal levels today.

Letter from the court was just letting me know I was appealling and PIP disagreed with me appealing so my solicitor said it meant. No date for the tribunal as yet. What annoys me so much papers keep saying things like people with migraines ,back pain and other things can apply for PIP.
I know from other threads how hard people with disabilities have had to fight to get any benefits. It's been 34 years for me. My sister in law had to fight to get the higher rate as her MS has put her in a wheelchair when they go out Good job they moved to a bungalow. As she can't cope with stairs.

On the news the other day it said how many millions illegal immigrants cost last year. When they won't give nurses and other vital workers the pay rises they deserve . And let people who have disabilities have what they are entitled to. Some hospitals have set up in house food banks for the people working there. We are supposed to be a first world country. But it's always the same the rich get richer and sod everyone else.

I got worse in 1988 and when we went out for meals my husband cut up my food. If anyone looked he glared at them and woo betide anyone who said anything . I have never been embarrassed by asking for any help I have needed. It's other people's problem if they are. Anyone can become disabled physically,mentally or both at anytime in their life. Wasn't until I had my diagnosis I would never say I was disabled as I have meet people far worse than me. But I am disabled and have been since birth. But my symptoms got worse in 1988 and that's how I ended up in a wheelchair. If I just went into a small shop or short walk didn't use it but it was the best way to get about other times so the children never missed out and my husband would never leave me behind. Never realised how dangerous it was for wheelchair users and children in pushchair as in those days people smoked in malls and shops nearly got burnt twice.

Ended back in my wheelchair in 2017 through the jaundice. And noticed people's attitudes hadn't changed I became invisible again.

In this day and age people are still scared of anyone who is different. I have friend with facial condition which she was born with. The way she has been treated would make your hair curl.

Rant over. 😁

Got my older grandson this afternoon we are baking then play time.

Hope you are all doing something you enjoy today . X

Nice to see you smiles. There are very few days when I or DH don't comment on the drying potential of the weather.

Religious beliefs are always tricky aren't they whiff. None of us can prove the truth of what we believe, and I think we sometimes cling to our version of the truth quite fiercely, as faith - or otherwise - is probably part of how we define ourselves. I am a Catholic, pagan, atheist - whatever it might be - we don't just state it as an opinion but as a part of who we are. I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time getting your benefits.

When it comes to immigrants and asylum seekers, I can never understand why the authorities take so long to decide what should happen to them and prevent them working while they do so. The fact that they have to be given housing and benefits causes a lot of resentment. Then we hear crops are rotting in fields because there is nobody to pick them. Surely there could be a scheme where they are fast-tracked into some of the jobs that can't be filled on a temporary basis at least. I gather many of them are more than willing to work. Why do we turn some people away then decide we need a load of other people to do the work instead?

I'm sorry you felt invisible in your wheelchair whiff. My daughter has this on occasion, she's a regular wheelchair user and has been since her late teens, but she does say there are also loads of people who go out of their way to be friendly and helpful. Don't know if that's location, or times changing or what.

I bought a lanyard and armband that states I am sight-impaired because I got tired of being told off, shouted at, sworn at, when I accidentally got in someone's way in the supermarket or walked into their path because they are on the side where I have no sight, or because I'm taking ages to choose things because I need to swap between glasses or use a label-reading device when I shop.

Whiff, there is a book l have recently read that I think you would really like. It's 'Wonder' by R J Palacio. About a boy with severe facial problem. Actually l think it is aimed at about 11year olds?? And my grandson is now reading it. But any age will understand its message. Shows it from different points of view and so well written. Best wishes to all estranged who read this thread.

Just to say that the film made of the book was not good at all, in my opinion.

It is said, 'time heals all wounds'. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scare tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

Good to know your pain levels were back to normal yesterday Whiff. I can't imagine what it must be like to live with pain day in, day out as you do; you're amazing.

Hope yesterday's baking went well and the playtime too.

You put that very well hugs we don't just state it as an opinion but as a part of who we are.

I don't agree either Yogin and wish that was the case. In general the pain does lessen but there are times when it's raw. This time of year is hard for us all and is the one time that
Mr. S. and I feel particularly isolated and alone.

Just the two of us for Christmas, and once again we've deliberated about doing something different. Staying at our lodge has been talked about again but if we were the only ones on site, that sense of isolation and being alone would I'm sure be intensified.

Not so much so with our flat, it would make a change and as our girls are away this year and we wont be seeing them, that's still an option but not until my choirs 3 carol concerts are done and dusted.

Better get on with getting ready to leave today. Not much to do this morning so we should be home by lunch time.

Thanks for the best wishes Hilltop.

Have a good day everyone.

Smileless you are not alone, you have each other and a loving son a long way away, but you're in each other's hearts. It's hard seeing the adverts on tv and hearing friends talking about their Christmas plans. Things are not always as they seem though. This Christmas I am on my own first time ever. It's just a couple of days and TV, music, walks and reading will get me though. I've always felt lonely inside since my estrangement even with friends on holiday etc. Everything I thought was cast in stone was shattered.

Morning all

Staying in your newly decorated flat sounds like a good idea Smiles. You can go to church from there. Sad your 'girls' are away this year and that your son in Oz is not coming over as you thought he might. You have Mr.S so all will be well.

Allsorts so sorry you are on your own this Xmas. I feared that would be me the first years after estrangement, but the first one I was invited up to London to have Xmas day lunch with my previous in-laws, my children's father's family & the second I was invited to my DD in-laws for Xmas dinner. Since then, my DD & I have taken turns to host. But I dread the day...!

I was very emotional yesterday. Remembrance Sunday was always a big day in my family. My dad & son would be in the parade and then afterwards we went to my dad's military club/British legion for lunch. Now my m&d have gone, and the children grown we don't do anything, I watch it on tv.
I teach a class Sunday mornings and each year I think to get it covered, but I wouldn't want to go to the parade on my own. I do gear my class for Remembrance, have a 2min silence at 11am and say an appropriate life lesson at the end. I then go and visited my m&d's resting place. If someone covered my class, I doubt they would gear it to remembrance, so from that point of view I think I should continue.

Morning all. Thanks Allsorts and Yogin. I tell myself over and over again that things could be worse, which of course they could be; sometimes that helps and sometimes it doesn't.

I'm sorry you'll be alone this Christmas Allsorts. You need to get yourself some special treats to enjoy on the day so I hope you will. There's always the feeling of an empty space inside isn't there, that can only be filled by the EAC and GC we have lost.

We dread the day too Yogin but we always manage to get some enjoyment when the time comes. Giving the dogs their presents is the highlight, especially when our cockapoo goes crazy with what ever she's been given.

Felt very emotional yesterday when face timing DS but managed to keep it under wraps until we'd finished the call. We've never mentioned him coming back for Christmas but of course were hoping that he would. He's not mentioned it either since so I'm pleased we haven't asked as doing so may have made him felt pressured.

Lovely memories Yogin and no wonder Remembrance Sunday leaves you feeling emotional. I think it's lovely that you keep the 2 minutes silence with your class. It's the least we can do isn't it, to remember all who gave their lives and continue to put their lives at risk for the greater good.

Bought Christmas and birthday cards for our GC. It took me ages to find something appropriate as the majority are all about knowing them and spending time with them, which we don't.

Got there in the end and managed to do so without getting tearful.

What emotional hoops we have to jump through due to estrangement smileless2012 all to enable us to 'keep calm and carry on'
I never was good at remembering birthdays, so I buy cards for the memory box spasmodically Goodness knows what my gchildren will think of me when the time comes for them to see the stuff I've put in it.
Hand knitted hats, books with a message of love and future happiness to them etc.
All rubbish to their eyes I expect.
So much hurt, and worry about silly things like what shall I put in the box that has significance for them?
Such a waste of love.
I do the same for their parents, my AC.
I'm glad you've got it over and done, with as much courage (not sure that's exactly the right word) as you could muster.

Onwards and upwards and best wishes to all who have been estranged

Thank you for that lovely post Namsnanny. All rubbish to their eyes I expect don't be so sure, there's a lot to be said for hand knitted hats from one's GM even if they never got to wear them.

Well, you may remember how I agonised about resigning as our church's treasurer and allowed my heart to rule my head. Today the decision was taken out of my hands, so to speak.

The so called accounts package has never worked properly and has given up the ghost all together. It's limitations have resulted in it maxing out at the end of the September entries.

Our church warden's tech savvy son thought he'd resolved the problem but I've discovered this afternoon that although it looked as if it might be OK, it isn't.

I'll need to get Mr. S. to download another blank copy for the last 3 months of this year, to say it isn't ideal would be an understatement and the attempt to resolve the problem, appears to have taken final totals out of 3 columns.

'I cannot work under these conditions' so have spoken to my dear friend our vicar, explaining what's happened. I'll be standing down at the end of the year, will be available to try and answer any queries with the accountant for this year's figures, and that we need to advertise for someone with knowledge of a current proper accounts package to take on the role who will probably want paying.

The one I use for our business is old but does the job and I've stuck by my guns using it, even though our accountants didn't like it. There's no way I'll take on learning a new one and all the work that will be needed to set one up.

So that's me off the hook. Just 3 more months to go and I'm outa here.

Smiles I thought you weren't buying cards for your GC anymore? As you know I stopped everything after 6.5yrs, but I remember going to buy them cards and it was a very sad buy. I dreaded someone next to me starting up a conversation about cute little GC at Xmas time, I wanted to cry!

Namsnanny sorry you're in this sad club. Sounds lovely what you're putting in your memory 'box'. Keep doing it if it helps. I remember an est.GD saying that when her grandma died [whom she'd not been allowed to meet] she was given a memory box and was so thrilled & moved by the content. She said she wished she had been allowed to have had a relationship with her as she knows she would have loved her.

Smiles you've done the right thing re the church accounts. You ploughed on when you'd had enough months back, so you've done your best. Too big a job & responsibility plus not even getting paid for all your hard work and headaches that I know you got. Bet you'll be really pleased to hand it all over and be done with it all, putting your feet up instead and having a nice

We decided to stop sending them Yogin but I still buy them for their memory box. I find it easier writing them after their birthday and Christmas, and as we don't send them anymore it doesn't matter if we wait for the day to have been and gone.

So sad isn't it. That grandma will never know how much the memory box she left for the GD she never knew meant to her.

Thanks Yogin. It was a source of stress and you're right, I was getting headaches and there was that awful panic attack which really knocked me for six.

I just want a quiet and simple life and as we know, life has a way of throwing as a curve ball from time to time. At least I'm able to chuck this one back.

Hello everyone.

Smiles.....you have absolutely done the right thing. You have done your best and there's no shame in wanting a peaceful and stress free life. It's certainly what I want. And yes, this is one curved ball you can cheerfully chuck back. That made me chuckle.

Well if I thought finding a rental would be less stressful than trying to buy and sell simultaneously I was wrong. 😱😂. The rental market is crazy here. Prices are extortionate and still people are queuing up. Nice properties are like gold dust and are snapped up within hours.

Yesterday I saw a lovely house but there were several other viewers so I doubt my chances. I've sent in my application so will just wait and see. The rent was high enough without getting into a bidding war, so I am prepared to walk away.

Last night I was feeling really cheesed off, it was back to the drawing board, trawling through Right Move. Then I had a brainwave. Try a bit of creating thinking......ha ha.

Instead of looking for my "ideal" property why not sort them out on a "longest on the market" basis, ie the dogs that no one wants. Found some hidden gems, mainly bungalows. It would seem that bungalows aren't much wanted by renters round here but a bungalow will suit me just fine, as long as it has sufficient storage for all my, er hem, treasures. Anyway I'm viewing one today.🤞

Have spoken to the solicitor and explained my difficulties in finding a rental and she assures me that the 29/11 Legal Completion is not yet fixed. It's still a moveable feast. Phew. As it is Christmas is going to be a tad uncomfortable, probably surrounded by boxes and packing cases. But I'll manage. Not the best timing for a house move. Understatement.

Christmas isn't what it used to be for me, or indeed for any of us on here. It's a very sad time for anyone who is bereaved or estranged. I am not looking forward to it but I'll do my best to make the most of a bad job. I look back with great fondness on all those busy Christmases when my husband was alive, the children were small and the house was bursting at the seams with both sets of parents staying with us. Now all the parents are dead, my husband is dead and I live alone. Circle of life I guess.

I do feel that I am very fortunate in that I have managed to reconcile with my son, although I still feel that the relationship is fragile and that I need to tread warily and maintain that red velvet rope. As for my DIL, who knows. Whether it's just an uneasy truce or a lasting peace only time will tell. So for now, it's just "steady as she goes" and try and avoid the rocks and choppy waters.

Ooh I do love a seafaring metaphor......... I think its time I booked a nice sunshine cruise. I haven't had a holiday since 2018 so that will be next in my agenda. Once I'm moved and settled.

It's grim here. Cold, wet, grey and miserable.

.

It's grim here too DSL so I'm glad I don't have to go out; I've volunteered Mr. S. to walk the dogs later and I'll get a lift to choir this evening.

What a brilliant idea!!! Look at the properties no one else seems to want and who knows, if you find something you like, you might be able to negotiate a reduction in the rent.

Let us know how today's viewing goes, you know how nosy interested we are so don't spare the details.
Proposed changes in the soon to be published white paper regarding doing away with the section 21 'no fault' eviction, the governments insistence that come 2025 all rental properties must have an EPC rating no lower than a C and, the rise in mortgage interest rates, is seeing a lot of rentals being lost already as landlords decide to sell up.

We dread it TBH but always make the best of it too and we always manage to have a reasonably good time. Last year was better for me as I'd joined the choir and with 3 carol concerts this year, there's plenty to keep me busy.

You're going to be wary for sometime and understandably so. It's awful to know that you have to be on your guard with your own son but I've no doubt you'll manage to navigate whatever comes your way brilliantly.

Just a quick one. Hopefully can write tomorrow. Doing this with left finger Wrote 7 Xmas cards and now can't use my right hand and arm. Bloody thing such a nuisance. My daughter has agreed to write the rest of them. Only wrote 5 words in each card. 🤦🤦🤦🤦

Oh dear Whiff, that's not good. Hope your arm and hand get better soon. Any news on your appeal?

Well good news. The bungalow was gorgeous, beautifully decorated, lots of storage, easier parking for visitors, closer to all amentities and the bus route, a nice quiet cul de sac. And, the icing on the cake, £175 per month cheaper than the property I viewed yesterday. Wahoo. So I snapped it up.

It's actually just a couple of streets away from our old family home, where we lived for 24 years, so I know the area well.

I feel like I'm going home.

Hi all.

I haven’t been around for a while due to a massive bad time with depression. Still not speaking to my daughter after nearly 8 years. No word from my eldest son after a horrendous phone call last December. Thankfully still very much in touch with my youngest son or I think I would jump off the roof! It will take me a while to catch up with you all but thank you for all of your support in the past. It meant so much to me.

Morning Pixie lovely to hear from you. These dark, rainy, short days don't help with depression. Can't get out this morning to take my little doggie for a walk as it's raining 'cats & dogs' May take a leaf out of Smiles book and get my son to do the walkies today, when the rain eases.

Good luck with your bungalow DSL sounds lovely. If you settle and like it maybe you could enquire about buying it and then you wouldn't have to move again.

Oh Whiff how frustrating for you. It's great that your D's so loving and supportive but it must drive you made not being able to carry out the simplest of tasks on a bad day.

That's brilliant DSL; let's celebrate. It sounds perfect and that £175 saving on the rent can go toward your holiday. I take it you didn't ask for a further reduction. Will you be in for Christmas?

Hi Pixie it's really good to hear from you but I'm so sorry that you've had a prolonged period of depression. Almost a year since that horrible 'phone call from your eldest son, and almost 8 years of no contact with your D; how do they sleep at night?

Fast approaching 10 years, a decade for us and Yogin. OMG *10 years* and to think that we were being told, and telling ourselves that it would be alright, just give him time.

Oh I think you should get your son to do walkies today Yogin. Make good use of him, like I do with Mr. S..

That's worth thinking about DSL, good idea from Yogin and you never know, if you do want to buy it eventually, they may decide to sell.

Well it's our PCC meeting tonight and I'll be announcing my resignation at the end of the year any my reasons why. Our lovely vicar is worried that the church warden will take it on again as she doesn't like her having so much 'power' and control, but I'm not allowing myself to think about that.

Had a lovely choir practice last night with all things Christmas. Really lifted my spirits.

Yoginimeisje

Namsnanny sorry you're in this sad club. Sounds lovely what you're putting in your memory 'box'. Keep doing it if it helps. I remember an est.GD saying that when her grandma died [whom she'd not been allowed to meet] she was given a memory box and was so thrilled & moved by the content. She said she wished she had been allowed to have had a relationship with her as she knows she would have loved her.

Thank you Yoginimeisje for your very kind and thoughtful post.
Your reply was so welcome Smileless2012
Sharing with people who have understanding, is unexplainable supportive
🌹