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Estrangement

Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

(1001 Posts)

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Whiff Wed 03-Aug-22 18:58:20

Setting this up now as posts are coming thick and fast .

Purplepixie Wed 16-Nov-22 12:56:37

Thank you everyone for your wonderful kind words. I also wonder just how they sleep at night.

I met up with an ex neighbour about a week back and she said that I should be the better person and contact my daughter and son. When I got home I thought it over and decided that I am not ready to do that and besides why is it always me running to them? My head just isnt right for that just yet. I have to look after myself was the advice given by lots of friends who have helped me through these terrible black foggy days. My youngest son is a ray of sunshine and he cannot forgive them for what they have put me through. I havent seen my eldest son’s children since May of last year. I text them once per month and they sometimes text back. I sent them some money for Halloween and they definitely got it because I sent it recorded delivery yet no word of thanks. My daughters 2 girls maybe coming here on saturday night. The last time they were coming they didnt turn up and no word of why not. I had prepared some soup for them which I froze and other things got put to one side. I need to rise above it all and not feel hurt but it is hard. Thank you for your kindness.

Smileless2012 Wed 16-Nov-22 14:07:43

You are the better person Pixie, you are not at fault here they are. I'm sure your friend meant well but this isn't about being the better person, it's about protecting one's self which is what you are doing and need to carry on doing.

You can't not feel hurt, none of us can because we are and always will be.

I hope that it's of some comfort when your GC text back, even though they don't always do so, and I hope your GDs don't let you down again on Saturday.

Namsnanny x

Purplepixie Wed 16-Nov-22 15:43:38

Thank you so much. X

Whiff Wed 16-Nov-22 15:48:08

Still typing with my left hand as I ñeed to rest my right hand. Need that for my stick. Pixie añd Nàmsnañny glad to see you back. Unfortunately estrangement is àwful but being here at least others understand and kñow you are ñot alone .

Will get a brace for my hànd tomorrow. Had bundle from PIP the conclusion asks for the court to reject my appeal. Solicitor says they àlways put that.
DerbyshireLass brilliant news about the bungalow good idea from Yogin.

Smiles glad you are in goodvoice I love singing carols.

Have to this difficult using my left finger. Hopefully back to normal soon😊

Yoginimeisje Thu 17-Nov-22 07:37:55

Good morning all

Although it's not a good morning as it's raining 'cats & dogs' again. I did take my little dog out yesterday when there was a break in the weather, same rotten day today, I miss it when I don't go out but can't go out in this!

Pixie my son said something to me when we had an upsetting situation recently; he said, 'don't think what you did wrong or what you could have done differently, think instead of what they could have done differently and what they did wrong' It does help to keep this in mind when you get upset.

Yes Smiles 10yr anniversary looming, also my estD birthday next week, just a few days before, already playing on my mind. Nice to hear about your choir Smiles I'm sure it's very therapeutic.

Yoginimeisje Thu 17-Nov-22 07:41:28

Whiff sorry to hear your hand is still giving you problems and is painful, wish you better. And wish you good luck with your PIP appeal.

Purplepixie Thu 17-Nov-22 09:58:49

Sorry to hear that you are having problems with your hand Whiff also good luck with your PIP appeal.

My youngest son, who doesn’t get on with his eldest brother or sister, also says that it is all their problem and not mine. When I am down he also says that it is ok to not be ok. BUT I do not want to live my life in misery when all of this doesn’t seem to bother them one bit. I never thought that they could be so cruel.

Smileless2012 Thu 17-Nov-22 10:26:10

Your DS is wise beyond his years Yogin. That is great advice, something I'd not thought of before but I'll tell myself in the future.

Sending you a (((hug))) Whiff and hoping that your hand is a little better today. No matter how sad the approach of Christmas makes me feel, singing carols never fails to lift my spirits.

It's so good to see you here Pixiesmile.

Couldn't bring myself to say this yesterday but yesterday was Mr. S.'s birthday which means it was our youngest GC's birthday too. I know what you mean Yogin, these upcoming birthdays do play on our minds don't they, and there's no getting away from our youngest GC's being born on the same day as his GDsad.

Two bits of good news. Resigned at last night's PCC meeting so just the end of the year to get through and Mr. S. found me a singing coach so I'll be having my first session next Tuesday smile.

It's horrible here too. Just dropped the fur babies off for their groom with the usual drama of contrived uncontrollable shaking and looks guaranteed to make you feel guilty.

Yoginimeisje Fri 18-Nov-22 09:21:01

Happy birthday to Mr.S cupcake wine flowers & one wine for you Smiles. Sounds wonderful that you have a new passion in your life, your singing, even getting a voice coach! Well done on reigning, bet you feel better already.

That's the worst thing to come to terms with Pixie that they just don't care! And as the song goes "You always hurt the one you love, the one you shouldn't hurt at all" apart from the fact they don't love us. Is that SmilesI can hear singing? grin

Whiff Fri 18-Nov-22 11:05:43

Just to let you bad to my normal pain level. Thank you all for your good wishes.

This morning had some heartbreaking news my best friends husband died yesterday.

Namsnanny Fri 18-Nov-22 11:40:25

I'm so sorry to hear your news whiff My condolences to both you and your friend.flowers
I'm sure she will value your friendship at such a difficult time.

Purplepixie Fri 18-Nov-22 12:55:08

Sending good wishes to you Whiff. I’m feeling a bit down today so I will pop back here later. Strength and hugs to you all. thanks

hugshelp Fri 18-Nov-22 13:15:47

So sorry to hear your news Whiff. Thinking of you and your friend. Love to you all.

Namsnanny Fri 18-Nov-22 15:18:26

Purplepixieflowers

Whiff Fri 18-Nov-22 15:46:21

Sorry Smiles I didn't wish Mr S happy birthday.

It's a day for bad news. One of a dear friends cats died and my roof needs repairing.

Thanks for you good wishes.

Pixie hope you feel yourself soon.

Namsnanny Fri 18-Nov-22 16:11:18

I do envy you smileless2012 for having a singing voice.
Your so right, singing lifts the spiritssmile

Smileless2012 Fri 18-Nov-22 17:15:35

Thank you Yoginsmile.

So sorry about your best friend's husband Whiff, your friend's cat and your roof.

I can't think of a better person to help your friend as she tries to cope with the loss of her DH. Your wisdom and loving heart will I'm sure be a great source of comfort and support.

I hope your pain level's remained at normal. I just can't get used to saying that to you; a normal pain levelsad. Do you have any idea how much work your roof will need and how much it's likely to cost? This on top of everything going up in price, fingers crossed it wont be too costly.

Pixie sending you a (((hug))).

It really helps me at this time of the year Namsnanny because we all know how hard Christmas is. So I've been thinking about this today and am going to try and have a completely different way of looking at it.

I love Christmas music; carols and popular Christmas songs.

I love the carol concerts we give.

I love the decorations especially the trees.

I love the food that we only have at this time of year.

I love getting the fur babies a new Christmas jumper to wear.

I love giving Mr. S. silly gifts.

I love the gifts he gives me.

I love going out for a meal on Christmas Eve and later going to mid night Mass.

These are all the things I love about Christmas, so these are the things I will think about. The things that I do have and the things that I will have. No place for those things I don't and will never have.

hugshelp Fri 18-Nov-22 17:34:29

I'm sorry you've had more bad news Whiff.

Happy Birthday to Mr Smiles

Sorry not keeping up atm. My friend's sister has also died. Her hubby is also poorly, and they have yet to work out what the problem is.

Also been too stressed with house stuff to cope with thinking about estrangement. Fingers crossed we might be making progress.

Will catch up properly soon.

Thinking of you all. xx

Take care. Thinking of you all.

Smileless2012 Fri 18-Nov-22 18:14:55

Always good to hear from you hugs. Sorry about your friend's sister and her husband being unwell.

Our fingers are crossed for progress on the house front for you.

Stay strong and take care x

Purplepixie Sat 19-Nov-22 00:29:19

Thank you for all the hugs and love. My youngest son was coming here to stay for one night next week and now he is not coming and I feel so low about it all. He has a new love in his life which I am pleased about. Hope to meet them next month when I go to see him for a day. Oh well, just need to get off to bed and get a decent nights sleep. Night night to you all. X

hugshelp Sat 19-Nov-22 02:53:21

Sorry your son won't make it after all purplepixie. Do hope you see him with his new partner soon. Have a good sleep. x

Yoginimeisje Sat 19-Nov-22 08:41:48

Morning all

Better day today and yesterday sunny and dry.

Sorry to hear about your best friends H passing Whiff & Hugs your best friend's sister.

Sorry to hear you won't be seeing your DS Pixie When first in love that's the person you want to be with all the time, but after the 'honeymoon' period things will get back to normal again. I know he's been a good and loving son to you Pixie

hugshelp Sat 19-Nov-22 10:28:38

Morning Yogin. Glady you've got nice weather. Rain all last week and next here but plenty of stuff to do indoors anyway. And thank you.
Enjoy your day. x

Purplepixie Sat 19-Nov-22 10:43:00

Slept great once I got into bed, which is a bonus but I so wanted to see my youngest son. He has recently been to USA with an American friend of his and I had hoped to see him and talk more about it. Oh well. I am going to make a christmas cake to send to him and go and see them in December. Yes, its true about a new love and he will want to spend loads of time with them and get to know each other. I’m just being a bit silly and needy right now. Back to knitting my jumper this afternoon while hubby is out in his man cave. Take care everyone.

DerbyshireLass Sat 19-Nov-22 11:32:32

Hello everyone,

Glad to see you are able to post again, Pixie. It really is the best place for friendship and support. 💐. You're in a safe place here.

Whiff, oh my goodness, what a week of bad news for you. I am sure you will be able to support your friend, you will no doubt be a tower of strength for her in the dark days ahead.

smiles....I love your gratitude list, I often do the same, when I'm feeling hard done by I sit down and write in my journal. I pour my heart out, it helps enormously. And whenever I feel like I am a failure I also make a list of all that have accomplished, the obstacles I've overcome.

I no longer dwell on mistakes, I see them as lessons learned and I am learning not to worry about the future so much but instead to have a little faith in myself, I have learned so much this year, the big one is I have "what it takes".. So many curved balls but I just lobbed them right back. .

And wow, to the singing coach, something just for you. 😁

Well it's all systems goes. I get the keys to my rental on 30th November, so excited. I can now confirm legal completion and we're off. I'm surrounded by boxes, it's organised chaos.

I dont mind, you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. I have time to get relatively straight for Christmas. The rest can wait then until the new year.

New year, new house, new life.

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