What would you do about this family message?

She hasn't been in contact for 6 years and on your last meeting at your husband's funeral she was disrespectful and unpleasant.

She brings nothing positive to your life. Protect yourself and maintain status quo- ie no contact, would be my advice.

Take care 💐

Completely ignore, as you say you have done and I would also ask your Dc to not reply, for your sake.
Then forget the email and if she ever sends another, ignore that too.

Another vote for Thank you then block.

Luckygirl3

The problem for me is that I do not trust her - with some justification! I feel I do not want to open a door and regret it. I am not well enough to deal with her.

In which case, don’t. Personally, “thank you” then block.

I would ignore it altogether. I believe she is after something - steer clear.

Jaxjacky

It smells like she’s after something, I’d ignore it.

Yes, after something. We've had similar.

You might say thankyou and leave it at that.
Don't encourage her.

I went to a funeral of one of DH many cousins he died over 5 years ago and noone spoke to me!
I went because I think he would have gone but when I tried to speak to one of the cousins we knew quite well, after a smile she said "I must speak to the minister"

I didn't go on to the wake.

You don't need the negativity, she is probably after something and have done the tight thing. She sounds awful

I would just send a card. ‘Thank you for thinking of us’. And leave it at that

So sorry to hear about your health problems, this unsolicited message seems to have unsettled you and certainly won't help. . Maybe you would feel better if you were honest with her and politely say you see no positives in re-establishing contact. Then block her. Frankly, l think it's dangerous on a few levels to have any contact with her given her previous behaviour. l would tell your children the truth so they can guard against her taking advantage of them. All the best, l hope you can work through this so it's put to rest and not worrying you.

It is hard as I do not want to open a door. My life has been easier without her for years now. We had no contact for years until OH's funeral 6 years ago. Then this message out of the blue. If I open this door with even just a thank you I may find myself having to deal with other messages. I am honestly not well enough for any conflict.

You reply "thank you"
She responds "I'm so glad to hear from you... We must get together. . I'll pop round ....."

Then you'll be back on here asking what to do next

Ignore her/block her.

I can understand why you might want to reply with a simple “thank you”, as you come across as a kind person, but because she hasn’t been in touch with you for 6 years, since the funeral, it is rather strange that she is suddenly “thinking of you” at what would have been your DH 80th birthday- why now, and not on any previous birthday anniversaries? I think you are wise to follow your instinct on this one and ignore the message. It really does sound as if she might be after something, rather than getting in touch for genuine reasons, but then I am inclined to be suspicious of behaviours such as your SiL’s. You need to put your own well being first and not let her eat away at you 💐.

Like they say on the aeroplane, look after yourself first.

If I don't want to communicate with someone l don't respond. If you respond you give hope and open the communication door. I would not hesitate to delete it. You did not request the contact and you certainly aren't thankful for it.

Luckygirl3

Just that she is thinking of us on my OH's birthday. One sentence.

In that case send two words "Thank you" and nothing more.

That way you have replied politely, but not suggested that you should stay in touch, which I gather you do not want to do, which I fully understand.

Six years and not a peep! Ignore her!

MG55

Say, “Thank you” and leave it at that.
Take care of yourself 💐

Agree. Acknowledge but leave no door open.

Ignore her

Luckygirl3

I have popped it in the trash, but I find it very hard to think ill of her - I am sure there is some good in her.

But I am in self-preservation mode.

"She has sent this same message to all my children who do not know the whole story as I have not bad-mouthed her to them. But they know I do not have a close relationship with her and have not been in touch."

Well done for putting it in trash.

The problem is that she sent the message to your children too. Have any of them mentioned it? If they don't know the full story and how she upset you, would they decide to keep in touch with her or even invite her to visit? Perhaps you should speak to them about what she did and why you don't want further contact. They are adults, they should understand

Luckygirl3

I have popped it in the trash, but I find it very hard to think ill of her - I am sure there is some good in her.

But I am in self-preservation mode.

Best approach, IMO.

I often think ‘What would DH have done?’ - that helps.

Fwiw I think you’ve done the right thing Lucky, look after yourself.

It would be lovely to just say thank you but from experience I would say this may lead to a further message asking to phone or even visit and making things more complicated. I would just delete

I'm in then just say "thank you" camp.