"I know there are people worse off than me"

I agree. Yes, of course there are always people worse off but it doesn't invalidate problems or make them any easier to bear.

One of my least favourite sayings is "I moaned because I had no shoes then met a man who had no feet."

Surely people who say this are very self-aware and are also fully aware of what’s going on in the wider world. They have no wish to be seen as a negative person, though often they are suffering quietly much more than the types who moan long and loud to all and sundry about their woes. I would far rather spend time with the sort of person you are denigrating than someone who constantly harps on about their problems.

I think we all know our troubles are relative - but when someone complains about something it's only kind to acknowledge that you know thete are worse things in life.

When I had a stroke (and even now) I can be miserable about it.
I am also truly grateful that I'm so well recovered.

I do not feel guilty.
I feel lucky.
I amnot apologising.

I’ve always found it very strange that people say this as if was some kind of comfort. Surely the fact that there are people (even) worse off is very depressing and sad?

Or does it mean they are aware of other people?

Grandma70s

I’ve always found it very strange that people say this as if was some kind of comfort. Surely the fact that there are people (even) worse off is very depressing and sad?

I’ve never thought of people saying it to comfort themselves. Usually they’re saying, “I’m fed up about this, but in the light of others suffering worse problems, I shouldn’t complain”. Acknowledging that others are in a worse position.

I am aware of being lucky, as I said.
At least I had my stroke in the UK and not in a war zone.
Grateful for small mercies.

I'm really not sure why this bothers anyone- I like others, can hold two ideas in my head at once you know.

"Eat up and don't complain, there are children starving in Africa" was a phrase when I was growing up.

A friend's son one Christmas I was with them, refused to eat anything but just said "send it to Africa"

His poor parents, who were the kindest of folk, were exasperated and embarrassed. It wasn't the cheeriest Christmas.

Heard it all now - whingeing about people trying to be positive. Not nice.

When I say it, and I often do, it’s not because I feel guilty, it’s because I am genuinely grateful that things are not worse.

I think there is a difference between someone acknowledging that there are worse things going on than their own lives, and people saying that to those who are suffering. If you have a pain the fact that someone else has a worse one won’t make yours any less painful, and pointing out that things could be worse is just minimising others’ suffering. It may be meant to make you feel better, but knowing that there are people worse off doesn’t necessarily help, does it?

Also, adding a martyred sentence about how you (generic - not anyone on the thread) don’t matter in the face of war and pestilence can come over as attention seeking. So much (as usual) depends on the context and the personalities involved.

It is like the phrase 'First World Problem', used to put someone down but also with the same meaning as the title of this thread.

It doesn't matter where you live, or your relative wealth or health, we all have problems and what they are will be formed by the society we live in. Nor does it make life any better for you to know that there may be other people worse off than you.

When my daughter was seriously injured in a road accident and we thought she might loose all functionality in her right arm and lose her job, would the fact that the situation of women in Afghanistan is far worse, or that she was suffering less pain than someone with cancer, have made her situation any better

In my childhood, we were told to think about the starving children in India, and like the child mentioned up thread, faced with a school dinner, gristly stew, lumpy mashed potato and cabbage cooked to a pulp, our reaction was also that the Indian children were welcome to it.

I've noticed since I grow older that I do have a tendency to want to moan. I can't get out of bed without having to think of pills, exercise, a shower, etc but then I say to myself: You are lucky enough to be able to move and have the ability to do these things. Get on with it without moaning. I then feel better for telling myself off but would never voice that to anyone. Also, I try to keep conversations about general factual things like, weather, garden, cooking, what I am doing with my hobbies. And also to be a good listener as most people love talking about themselves, their amazing children and grandchildren etc when I just want to ask 'What are you doing?' It is really all relative.

Surely nobody says this sort of thing to other people who are suffering?

I'm quite amazed by this thread!

I suspect people say it in their op for the same reason they write 'first world problem' - if they say it first it might mean they don't get their head bitten off by someone else.

NotSpaghetti

Surely nobody says this sort of thing to other people who are suffering?

I'm quite amazed by this thread!

Oh yes. I was brought up with it - 'Well never mind. At least you haven't got it as bad as Gladys - she lost both her legs.'

As I say, I think it's sometimes said to make people feel better, but I don't see how it could.

Oh dear Doodledog that's horrible.

eddiecat78

We hear this time and time again when posters have written about really difficult situations they are in but invariably end with "I shouldn't complain - there are people much worse off than me".
Surely we should move away from this?
I'm all in favour of trying to look on the bright side and being grateful for the good things we have, but it's bad enough living with difficulties without feeling guilty for grumbling and think we have to apologise.

Totally agree.

Why do you think people are feeling guilty for grumbling?

I really don't think we are.

It is not wrong to grumble but virtue signalling by saying "I shouldn't grumble as other people are worse off "comes close.

I have a right to grumble, as long as I have done all I could and nothing has changed. My dad would joke "It's not me, it's the others". Just because things are worse elsewhere does not mean we cannot improve here. My recent grumbles have been about the really bad service from my bank; about the building society wasting money sending 2 separate statements for a joint account - yes 1st world problems but ones I can try to fix by grumbling in the right direction. I cannot feed the world, I cannot stop middle eastern tribes from trying to kill each other; I cannot teach families to budget better - I can only offer a portion of my income to help.

Moth62

Surely people who say this are very self-aware and are also fully aware of what’s going on in the wider world. They have no wish to be seen as a negative person, though often they are suffering quietly much more than the types who moan long and loud to all and sundry about their woes. I would far rather spend time with the sort of person you are denigrating than someone who constantly harps on about their problems.

I agree and I understand exactly why people say this.

FranP

I have a right to grumble, as long as I have done all I could and nothing has changed. My dad would joke "It's not me, it's the others". Just because things are worse elsewhere does not mean we cannot improve here. My recent grumbles have been about the really bad service from my bank; about the building society wasting money sending 2 separate statements for a joint account - yes 1st world problems but ones I can try to fix by grumbling in the right direction. I cannot feed the world, I cannot stop middle eastern tribes from trying to kill each other; I cannot teach families to budget better - I can only offer a portion of my income to help.

👏👏👏👏👏

Sandrax

It is not wrong to grumble but virtue signalling by saying "I shouldn't grumble as other people are worse off "comes close.

What I really and truly hate is the expression “virtue signalling”.

In my opinion and with all due respect, it’s “catty”, “patronising”, “insulting” and “totally unnecessary”

Sorry, it’s just the way that expression makes me feel.