Struggling a bit

If you have any funds, find a nice ,recommended cleaner ASAP

Eye problems are now being triaged and fobbed off. Insist on a doctor.

It's so frustrating for you, & I'm sure it would help if you could get a house designed or adaptable for someone who uses a wheelchair - a little bit more independence with washing & personal hygiene would help you no end, I think. Can you persuade him to get on with a possible move?
And have social services / occupational health looked at how to optimise the personal hygiene set-up where you are? There may be adaptations you haven't though of.
Ask him if, rather than you "nagging" him, you could share an ipad & put reminders / alarms for taking the washing out etc. But he mayn't like that.
Sorry you're struggling, & well done for appreciating that your partner's doing a lot although not how you would've done it yourself.

And, get a benefits check to ensure you are getting everything to which you are entitled and use the money for a cleaner and a laundry service.

Definitely, if you can afford it, send things to the laundry. Even if you only send bedding and towels it will help. Ask if the laundry will do pick ups and drop offs.

Will your husband be able to give you a bed bath?

I would find this incredibly frustrating too. I agree if at all possible bringing in a cleaner or the like may help.

Your needs should trump his wishes or whims.
What is the legal situation with the house? Who owns it?
You need somewhere that meets your needs.
Likewise re careworker and or cleaner.
Can you discuss the whole situation with your GP.
I suggest you post on MN.
They will be a lot more forthright and give you encouraging support.
All the best.

Yes I will need to set reminders on phones. The difficulty is he is not used to the laundry routine and doesn't realise how time consuming it can be. I did all our washing for the last 17 years. So he puts it in the machine and turns it on but doesn't have joined up thinking after that. I think he finds it boring and wanders off to do something else and then it never gets finished. I'm not sure we can afford a home help now. We just have our state pensions, and while I do get PIP money that is being used for mobility aids. And yes I should ask for more help with personal care - I haven't asked and he hasn't offered. Just to make it slightly more difficult, his own personal hygiene has gone down the tubes, so I think he thinks it's normal not to have much! I'm lucky if I can persuade him to have a bath once every 3 months! He's got into bad habits. I really do need to live somewhere else. We keep having water problems here as well (spring water supply - it's rural) and I just need something easier and no water issues. But he is very attached to the old crumbling place.

A laundry is a good idea. I'm not sure if there is one in our area, but I'll have a look.

kittylester

And, get a benefits check to ensure you are getting everything to which you are entitled and use the money for a cleaner and a laundry service.

Yes, surely you should be entitled to Attendance Allowance?

You could use that as you wish, to pay someone privately even if just to do the laundry for you or send it out somewhere.

Do you have Care and Repair in your area? They could come and make adaptations to your home to make it more wheelchair accessible.

If your partner is forgetting the damp washing it does sound as if he needs help too.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I agree that you should qualify for attendance allowance and an OT should help out with mobility aids and adaptations to your existing home, when my DH had a stroke this was done without us having to pay. Do make enquiries. You could be paying for things you could get on the NHS and not applying for extra financial help.
As for your partner, he is helping but of course he isn’t doing jobs the way you would and that is driving you up the wall, would insist again that you need a home help and push for a move to somewhere more suitable. If your partner’s hygiene is not good and he seems to be forgetting things, could he be depressed? I am a full time carer for my DH, and I love him to bits but sometimes being unable to do the things we used to do together can make me feel down and lonely. Certainly having a home help would mean he can take a break and you can rest easy.
All the best with this 💐

Fallingstar

I agree that you should qualify for attendance allowance and an OT should help out with mobility aids and adaptations to your existing home, when my DH had a stroke this was done without us having to pay. Do make enquiries. You could be paying for things you could get on the NHS and not applying for extra financial help.
As for your partner, he is helping but of course he isn’t doing jobs the way you would and that is driving you up the wall, would insist again that you need a home help and push for a move to somewhere more suitable. If your partner’s hygiene is not good and he seems to be forgetting things, could he be depressed? I am a full time carer for my DH, and I love him to bits but sometimes being unable to do the things we used to do together can make me feel down and lonely. Certainly having a home help would mean he can take a break and you can rest easy.
All the best with this 💐

while I do get PIP money that is being used for mobility aids.

I've just read that gentleshores receives PIP so I don't think you can receive both that and Attendance Allowance.

PIP is for those under State Pension age and Attendance Allowance for those in receipt of SP. Gentleshores, you should check this out because you could be receiving more help.

If you are struggling can you investigate if there are any LA or HA accessible bungalows you could move to? You need to think of yourself and your future needs.

I agree you need to get your GP involved. If you are getting PIP, have mobitily issues and no walk in shower, you could ask your doctor to refer you for care help for personal hygiene. Occupational therapy would assess your needs. This would be a start.
As an aside, I thought that once you were pension age PIP became Attendance Allowance.

Hi. No wonder you’re struggling this all sounds very difficult. You can self refer on line for adult social services, they will likely call first then maybe do a home visit, they can then pass you on to OT.
Please don’t struggle any more than you have to, there is help available. Sounds like the company would also be welcomed. Your DH will have to get used to the extra help.

Lovely gentleshores, You need help and you need it soon.

Ring Age UK. They have a list of recommended people.

Get help. Do you have Attendance Allowance?

I'm wondering if you are reluctant to let outsiders in , if things have gone down hill?

Please don't leave it as it is. You are not whingeing.

sixandahalf

I'm wondering if you are reluctant to let outsiders in , if things have gone down hill?

Please don't leave it as it is. You are not whingeing.

That may be a point. Hard to let anyone in and see me struggle. I had a bad experience trying to get a home help before - tried two and both made me feel dreadful - invisible and didn't do what I asked. They were both cleaners basically and only wanted to come in and clean (and not the things I wanted cleaning!).

To be clear, I started getting Pip before I reached state pension age, and as a result, I carry on getting Pip after state pension age. It is probably slightly more than attendance allowance, but you can't get both.

I've had OT assessments and they have provided odd bits of equipment. We wouldn't be eligible for house alterations as we have savings. I also want to move and that is the sticking point.

I wonder if all is well with your husband? If he has let his own hygiene go and is unable to respond to your needs, focus on routine tasks like cleaning and laundry, whilst refusing to get somebody in to help, he could be masking his own health issues?

I agree with sixandahalf that contacting AgeUK that should be your next step. Ask if someone can come and assess your needs personally and in your home as well, but bear in mind the help will be you, you alone and not your husband.

gentleshores

sixandahalf

I'm wondering if you are reluctant to let outsiders in , if things have gone down hill?

Please don't leave it as it is. You are not whingeing.

That may be a point. Hard to let anyone in and see me struggle. I had a bad experience trying to get a home help before - tried two and both made me feel dreadful - invisible and didn't do what I asked. They were both cleaners basically and only wanted to come in and clean (and not the things I wanted cleaning!).

To be clear, I started getting Pip before I reached state pension age, and as a result, I carry on getting Pip after state pension age. It is probably slightly more than attendance allowance, but you can't get both.

Nobody can make you feel anything....wouldn't it be great of we had that power? You are not invisible.

Write a list of what you want done. Keep it realistic and do able.

A clean is a start.

fancyflowers

Definitely, if you can afford it, send things to the laundry. Even if you only send bedding and towels it will help. Ask if the laundry will do pick ups and drop offs.

Will your husband be able to give you a bed bath?

That's good advice fancyflowers. I use a service called Laundry Ninjas - all sheets and bedding washed and ironed for £14. They pick up and drop off.

With laundry services - there is one not too far away says they deliver in 24 hours. How can they get things dry enough in that time without using tumble driers and could some cotton things shrink then?

Could you use some savings for home improvements if he is determined not to move?

Or does he just need to understand how much easier an updated home might be?

Do you have family you could talk to about any of this?

Hi. No family left unfortunately! Just lots of responsibilities and bills. The finances are the issue. I don't want to sink my small inheritance into this place when we need to sell and it won't improve in value. I don't own the house either.