Struggling a bit

gentleshores

Bit of an update. OH has finally decided we should put the house on the market and an email has been sent. It's a step in the right direction. He may have a wobble of course. I've made a post locally asking for help in the house - see what turns up. Health no better and I'm in pain a lot.

Good news. Re help, hard to think straight when you are in pain. Maybe try to compile a list of tasks that are do able in allotted time and be prepared to pay the going rate ( at least)

Bit of an update. OH has finally decided we should put the house on the market and an email has been sent. It's a step in the right direction. He may have a wobble of course. I've made a post locally asking for help in the house - see what turns up. Health no better and I'm in pain a lot.

kittylester

And, get a benefits check to ensure you are getting everything to which you are entitled and use the money for a cleaner and a laundry service.

It is very difficult to get but do go for PIP for your care. Get help applying because the way you word it is part of the success; then be persistent if you get turned down, go for review and then appeal in good time

Casdon has a valid point - you husband may have health issues. You sound desperate and need help. Please contact your GP and tell him / her exactly what is happening. You husband may have a memory problem. Or ring adult social services . Whoever you contact do not pull any punches! Tell it how it is. AgeUK can help too. Please reach out and let them know your situation. You can't carry on as you are . Good luck and keep us posted .

I'm really sorry you're finding things so difficult, Gentleshores.
Maybe your GP could put you in touch with a Social Prescriber. They are sometimes attached to a GP practice, the local council or a charity. They will know what help is available in your area and can make the initial approach on your behalf.
You might find that you are eligible for charitable assistance, which could involve providing you with mobility aids, so releasing money for the other things you need. Your eligibility could be due to where you live, the type of work you or your husband did or having been in military service, for example.
Turn to Us is an organisation that helps people find these charities - there are so many out there which most people are unaware of.
I agree that cleansing wipes might be very useful. There are various brands available from many sources, and I'd suggest having a look at the video presentations on qvcuk.com first to get an idea whether you'd be happy with them.
I do hope you can find some ways to make life easier for you and your husband.
Best wishes.

Social services will do an assessment for you and also for your husband as a carer. They’re not speedy in my experience so best to talk to your GP or local Carer’s Group first to speed them along if you want to get some help that way.

Could you get in touch yourself with local estate agents to at least give you a valuation on the house and send for some retirement living brochures in an area you both like? Just to help your DH start thinking about it again? The estate agents may be able to recommend companies who can pack etc for you etc. SS or Age UK may have ideas about that too.
You sound really positive about changing things - you contacted a laundry really quickly - I think you’ll need that for both of you. I agree with others that your DH is just not coping very well and needs some help. Best wishes to both of you.

I had repeated eye infections for years and years. Went to Bristol Eye hospital one Easter Sunday as all GPs were closed. They did swabs and told me it was HSV cold sore virus on eyelids and gave me antiviral ointment. Now I only get one or 2 infections a year. Before it was 6 or 7 each year. Perhaps this is why it isn't clearing with antibiotics.

As the other gransnetters suggest -you need help and I'm sure that you'll be able to get some .

I've had an eye infection over Christmas and after trying various lotions and potions it cleared up completely using black tea.
Green would work as well .
I took two fresh tea bags wet them with hot water and when comfortably cooled used them to clean my eyes several times a day .
One for each eye and thrown away afterwards.
They relieved the discomfort immediately and the problem has gone away.

I think you can stay on Pip. Unless they decide you're not eligible for it any more. Then it would mean applying for attendance allowance. I have a Pip review in about a year and nothing is every certain these days as governments keep changing the rules.

Coolgran65

I agree you need to get your GP involved. If you are getting PIP, have mobitily issues and no walk in shower, you could ask your doctor to refer you for care help for personal hygiene. Occupational therapy would assess your needs. This would be a start.
As an aside, I thought that once you were pension age PIP became Attendance Allowance.

It depends on how long the last PIP was for, so I get low level PIP, they gave me it for a 10 year period, after two failed attempts, so I started getting it prior to SP, when the next assessment comes or there’s a change in any of my conditions, I’ll have to make a claim to Attendance Allowance as I’m now over SP age.

Oregano

After my dad died, my mum developed COPD and couldn't cope with cleaning and washing bedding. She got a lovely cleaner by recommendation from people she met at the hairdresser's. She would clean and then take my mum's bedding home to wash and iron it and then put it back on the bed the next time she came. She would also do other little things like picking up prescriptions and posting cards for her. It's much better if you can get someone that's been recommended.
I agree that Age UK are your best bet for help in other ways. Take care and good luck!

That is exactly what I'd like and my Mum had someone like that too, but I didn't have much luck last year when I advertised.

Gentleshores, I think you should find your local Citizens Advice office, they would help you with filling in forms ,,applying for Attendance Allowance etc.

After my dad died, my mum developed COPD and couldn't cope with cleaning and washing bedding. She got a lovely cleaner by recommendation from people she met at the hairdresser's. She would clean and then take my mum's bedding home to wash and iron it and then put it back on the bed the next time she came. She would also do other little things like picking up prescriptions and posting cards for her. It's much better if you can get someone that's been recommended.
I agree that Age UK are your best bet for help in other ways. Take care and good luck!

The adult wet wipes DH uses I buy on line from the AGE UK on line shop. They are excellent. I buy 25 packs at a time and they last for a long time. Your partner could use them as well. They are large and 2 wipes is all you need per wash.

obviously you need to move and get help like a cleaner but i do have a suggestion
You can get special water wipes. I am not brilliant at descriptions, but these are like having a proper wash. Not wet wipes like babies', but these are designed for people who are unable to bathe or shower. These are available online so you could order some they will help you.
perhaps also you can get some dry shampoo then again you can tidy your hair without showering

are you sure you would be up to moving house .

It’s a heck of an upheaval. And with your husband being the way he is..

I’m fairly able bodied but pulled the plug on a house move last year realising that physically and mentally it was too challenging.

Yes, do get some help from Age UK.

My daughter tumbles her cotton sheets.
They still seem to fit fine.

Just saying.
Maybe send one first to see how it does?

I did get more antibiotics from the Doctors though - thank you for that - rather than being fobbed off by the optician.

sixandahalf

Perhaps there are short term, medium term and long term issues. Short term, buy sets of poly cotton bedding. Rotate them, one at the laundry, one on the bed or beds. Ring Age UK

Medium, get help in the house.

Long, move into different accomodation.

Thank you. Yes the long term situation became a bit more pressing, hence not coping well with the short and medium. It's a good idea to get some new polycotton bedding that can go in the tumble drier and send them to the laundry.

Partner did want to sell, for financial reasons, now he's retired, but then keeps getting cold feet which is a huge worry as it's unsustainable financially to stay here. And yes he is attached to it but circumstances changed. As for not bathing often - that is not that unusual for him but it has become longer periods in between.

Furret

If you are over pension age you can get an attendance allowance and pay someone to do the most pressing jobs.

I do feel for you. It must be so frustrating.

Sorry I’ve just read that you get PIP.

If you are over pension age you can get an attendance allowance and pay someone to do the most pressing jobs.

I do feel for you. It must be so frustrating.

gentleshores - reading through I see that your partner owns the house but together you have savings. I don't know how long you've been together and whether he's grown into your disability or whether the lack of mobility is something more recent for you. To be honest, he sounds as though he's overwhelmed by what you need from him.

You are in receipt of PIP and that's designed to help people deal with that part of their daily existence that is hampered by their disability so you need to use the PIP for that. As others have said, use a laundry service - there's nothing wrong with commercial dryers - and also make yourself known to social services and ask for a careworker to help you for maybe just two hours a week. You may still qualify for a reduced rate of pay if going through social services (entry to them via the GP). If not get one yourself from a local agency and ask for a couple of hours once a fortnight. I appreciate it's tough having someone come into your house and help you but honestly you can't expect your partner to do everything quite your way - where does his life go? Use the PIP for what it's intended and spend it on improving your daily life.

fancyflowers

Definitely, if you can afford it, send things to the laundry. Even if you only send bedding and towels it will help. Ask if the laundry will do pick ups and drop offs.

Will your husband be able to give you a bed bath?

Will your husband be able to give you a bed bath?

He'd probably leave her damp.

Is this a farm I wonder?
This may have been his life.

Are you living in basically "his" house?

Wondering how long you have been there and if he is emotionally "tied" to the house (eg, it was his mum's home) or just too afraid of the work of moving?
Maybe he's got sheds and outbuildings that also need work?

I think not showering/ bathing/ taking care of himself may imply he's not very well? Could he be suffering from depression?

Please call someone or see someone who can help both of you.
Maybe Age UK?
Maybe ask for a new assessment from Adult Social Care in your area. They can be very helpful.
...I can see life must have become very hard for both of you.