Experiencing conflict with daughter of 6 children!

Why can’t your grandchildren attend the family party with your daughter and sil ?

My sister in law is coming to stay in a cottage with her grown up children to celebrate retirement. It’s an evening get together and my daughter’s children are too young and it is bed time. It’s informal, not a big event. She always thinks of how things affect her and not others.

Why can’t your son in law babysit when children are asleep? Or find a paid babysitter for a few hours?

The daughter had six children, her choice so she must accept the restrictions being a parent bring

One of the pitfalls of having 6 children I’m afraid. Maybe she needs reminding of the saying “you’ve made your bed, lie in it”.

I think there are more pitfalls in having a small family - you have much more fun in a large family and learn a different set of values. Usually.

Moy59 you’re not the Mama but the Nanna and I think she should be responsible for her own family and not dump it on you. Not your problem if she can’t attend social events. You brought up your kids and now it is time to sit back and enjoy your grandkids minus the hard work and organisation that goes with being the Mum !

I think you know you need put boundaries in place so that your life isn't being dominated by her. How do you think you could start doing that?

Easier said than done Moy, but you need to start pulling back and being less available with the practical support you're providing.

It was her choice to have so many children, assuming they didn’t result from just the one birth which would be quite exceptional. So she has to accept the limitations that her choice places on her. Her choice should not limit what you want to do in retirement after many years of working. Don’t feel guilty about enjoying yourself now.

I think your daughter is very lucky to have all the support she has from you Moy59 . Maybe you could take a step back and start taking some of those motor home trips, reduce your stress levels a little.
Your daughter has six children and although they bring love and joy there are also restrictions and she needs to accept this. The children will grow up and then she will be able to do more things for herself.

I enjoyed my fun free and valueless childhood as an only child ronib

She does dump everything on you!
We were friends growing up with 2 families who had 7 kids each. Us 3 loved visiting their houses. It was like a party everyday.
Your DD should stop feeling she's missing out and begin to appreciate all she has.
You will have to make sure you have your trips in the van. I'm sure it can be done.

sodapop different values different family interactions in large families. Sorry to hear that you felt your singleton status was of no value?

Get in that motorhome and go enjoy your retirement! Life is too short and she is a grown up. Her 6 children are her responsibility and its time she learned that. That may sound harsh but I wouldn't want you to leave it too late to enjoy what you have worked hard for.

He does do that when required, he’s very good and of course that’s what I suggested. I think she objects to the principle of adult only.

Not everyone likes having small children around if they want to chat.

She had 3 then twins and then one more. Everyone is right of course, we should be off enjoying ourselves but the guilt kicks in and we end up stuck in this cycle. I know we need to sit down with her and talk but it is very difficult. Thanks for your input

You must step back , I recognize your DD has anxiety problems and I know how debilitating that can be . However the 6 children are their parents responsibility - not yours!!! Do what is necessary to protect yourself - easier said than done , I know that.
sodapop, I too am sorry you feel that way about being an only child.

I guess we need to talk, although we’ve tried in the past. I feel more strongly about it than my husband so it also causes conflict in our marriage.

Moy59 is it not possible to have a small tea party with the extended family when the children are present? Children do benefit from being included in family gatherings and usually thrive on the extra attention. I always enjoyed meeting my relatives - well some of them more than others.

Do you mean that your husband wants you to be less involved and to be free to enjoy trips in your motor home with him? That’s not unreasonable. You really do need to make yourself less available. There is nothing to feel guilty about. You have brought up your children and it’s not your fault that your daughter has anxiety problems or so many children. I trust she won’t be adding to the number! Do, please, enjoy your retirement - none of us know how much time is left and life slips by so very quickly.

How about you find ways of enjoying each one of your grandchildren? Or is it feeling like rent-a-mob?

Is it only me that thinks sodapop’s post was tongue in cheek, maybe sarcasm?

Thankfully I don’t have regular granny duties, I see them maybe once a month and help financially, it suits me fine, we can do what we want without ties. I had 4 boys and I never was especially maternal so I’m happy to see GC occasionally.