Lost loves. Should we say goodbye

Sometimes the past is better off staying in the past. Last year I met up with someone who was important years ago, and really wished I hadn’t. Some past loves I’ve kept in touch with but have no desire to meet. Be careful what you wish for, people move on and change. If they wanted to be in your life they would be. Be grateful for the life and people you have now.

I had a female friend whom I actually cut out if my life when she decided to leave her husband (a truly good man, still a valued friend) and her children aged between 10 and 14. I think it was an affair of lust that got out of hand, from which she did move on. She has tried to get in touch over the years but I just feel that what she did was unforgivable.
What do others think?

You never know what goes on behind closed door of anyone’s marriage that’s what I think Romola, she obviously felt something wasn’t right in order to have an affair. The face you present to the world could be entirely different in reality, you did what you think is best. And what’s best for you is cutting her out of your life,

If you feel you need to revisit than go for it.
It's about your feeling - I know it sounds selfish.
We cannot anticipate how the other party feels about it but without contacting anyone you just don't know.
Though be prepared that the other person may not feel the same way and may not want to hear from you again. It's not personal, even if it may feel so, it's just that person is in a different mindset or different stage than you are.

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.A first love in your teens may have been the one at the time but both will have changed through a life time of unshared experiences. An ex whose children you have may need to be a friendly with but remember they are ex's for a reason and not neccesarily relationship material. But the heart is a strange thing and we are all very different so would I ? Well I won't know that unless the opportunity arises and the other half might object so I guess I will have to bide my time !!

Reading these posts makes me think we can be suited to many people, not just one. I know for some people there is only ever "the one". I've never felt like that and nobody has ever broken my heart. I always thought if someone didn't want me in return then what was the point? I'm very sorry though about the way I treated some people particularly one who took the relationship far more seriously than I did. I wasn't very nice to him and regret it. I can never make amends as he died young in his 40s.

Most everyone has a story about “the one that got away.” I do. And I think about it (him) all the time. He was a catch for sure, and our courtship was a door opener for me in the finer things in life. I know he liked and loved me more than what I felt for him.

I instigated the breakup… (in hindsight for what?) to go back to a previous beau that turned out to be a rebound disaster! So there I was. Foolish at 30. But there was a happy ending.

It allowed me a more mature relationship in my next romantic endeavor and I ended up marrying him and the rest is lovely history.

To this day I “review” my personal journeys and see that everything boils down to only one thing for happiness - it’s all up to you in the choices you make. Women do have the power to further their own futures.
USA Gundy

I've lost touch with quite a few people I would have maybe wanted to have closure or say goodbye to. I don't even know if any of them are alive or not. Its a shame. I have tried to find them on some Social Media sites but the women may well be a different surname by now. I think I just have to live with the fact that they are lost permanently now. Not a particular big deal.

I would be careful about contacting anyone from a long time ago-people change. You could end up in an embarrasing situation.I would forget the past and enjoy what you have now.

MagsMcG, I think it is a big deal that we can't find female friends because we don't know their married names.
I lost touch with a friend I used to work with in our 20s. I moved away, had babies, no time to keep in touch, feel regrets now.
Men can google old contacts, but if you marry and change your name, your old self disappears.

Them being the love of your life does not mean you were the love of theirs, if you were maybe they would have contacted you.

If you parted it was for a reason. I don’t believe in going back.

Theexwife

Them being the love of your life does not mean you were the love of theirs, if you were maybe they would have contacted you.

Indeed.

Applies the old flames, estranged family - sister, parents, nieces, nephews, children and grandchildren - equally.

In my seventies I have seen again three people I had relationships with in my late teens and early twenties. It has been a good experience for me in every case. I hope for them as well.

These were not the loves of my life or I of theirs but we had shared something between us when we were very young. . All of them were very sweet to me.

One of them was dying with a lot of courage and I was very glad to have seen him and to attend his funeral which was a wonderful event and of a piece with his life and the person he had been. .

One I had lunch with in London before I left there to return to live in our home city.

One I have continued to keep in touch with on line as he lives in Canada and has spent his life there.

Any resentments I might have felt, I realized were unwarranted and melted away and I hope for them too.

I am able to look back on these early times of my life with a warmth and pleasure and ease that I might not have now if we had not met again in old age. "Ripeness is all".

My case might not be everyone's case of course. Especially if one is looking to revive these relationships as romantic relationships. I can say that all these men have had wives and families and I have a long and faithful marriage myself.

Every person's situation is different but these can be very good experiences. Most of us do learn something and mature in the course of our lives.

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leave the past behind you where it belongs. By making contact after years you could be stirring up a hornets nest and possibly hurting innocent family members.

I do not think that achieving a long awaited closure on a previous relationship can result in both ex lovers feeling good about it, no matter what the reasons for parting were. I never told the love of my life how much I loved him. It was a huge effort keeping my feelings to myself.
He was never going to life long partner material and I was married with young children at the time so any kind of long meaningful relationship was a non starter.

Our paths have crossed occasionally several times in the last 27 years and we remain on friendly terms. I know absolutely no good would come out of me confessing ancient feelings to someone who seems to still like me but was and remains totally oblivious of the depth of my feelings and how long they have remained with me.

Sometimes in life you can love someone too much, to the detriment
of other relationships, and learning to let go is the only thing you can do, and try to find some contentment in the letting go process. I do very I occasionally find my mind wandering into an imaginary end of life conversation but the last thing I would want to do is to lighten my load by placing a heavy burden onto to the person's shoulders.

It’s a funny old world- we were both married - we both had children-we both had professional jobs - we fell in love - it wasn’t meant to happen - we met regularly in a group - never alone except for short snatches- that love lasted for 45 years until he died. We both knew it was something special- a true soulmate- like the old song - who can explain it? Who can tell you why? Fools give you reasons Wise men never try- I am just grateful that I have known this extraordinary connection.

A "lost love" of mine found me on Friends Reunited when that was first set up. We emailed and also spoke on the phone, but he was cagey about sending an up-to-date photo. He had been living in America for 40 years but wanted to come to England to visit.

Eventually he did send a photo - I expected him to look much older, obviously, as do I, but not 25 stone heavier.

I have not posted before but this thread is compelling - such honesty and so many different stories with such different outcomes.
At University I fell deeply in love with someone who was a year older an wanted to travel after university. He made it clear he only wanted a friendship because he wanted to travel after his degree. I still feel the deep regret that we never were properly together every time I see his photograph in professional magazines etc. He became very successful in the same profession as me.
It took a long time to to even think about anyone else I have been happily married for over 40 years to a very different type of man, but if I come across his name or photo, it still hurts.

There is someone in my past that I often wonder 'What if' about but have no way of contacting him. If the opportunity arose I'd like to see him again but I tend to believe 'What will be will be.' Maybe our paths will cross again one day.

One of the people in my fast is often seen on TV. He is in the “sporting” field and has written loads of books, magazine articles etc. He was at Uni when we had a relationship and I was a bit younger. I clearly remember going to his parents home for his 21st birthday and we got on really well.

He still has local connections although I haven’t seen him for years but I do hear snippets about him and he is now on his 3rd wife so maybe I had a lucky escape! He has no children.
years ago I thought I would like to catch up with him but now I wouldn’t.

If You want to well do it. If you need others advice then you are not sure your actions are right and I would ere on the side of caution.
We all look back at loves we had in our youth,some have achieved a lot but would you have wanted to be along side them?
I made my choice in my early 20's and am still happy with it thank goodness. I do know others who have got together with passed loves and gone on to have a lovely life.
Only you know how you feel and what your actions should be

I'm not sentimental and would be quite shocked and embarrassed if someone from the past contacted me. I've had many relationships and two marriages but have no wish to meet up with them again. Why risk ruining lovely memories?

I do find the assumptions of others quite puzzling, though. Their sentimental thoughts have caused confusion, with their determination to put you firmly in a 'couple'.

I was once asked to a family wedding - along with an ex. I was still friends with the ex but had moved on. My (then) current partner refused to go, so I went alone.

I was even asked which husband I'd like to be buried with - neither! The past should stay in the past, as ancient history!

Last year my darling husband of 60+ years died. We were so happy the whole time. Now, l don't know how l will continue without him. Im told he'll always be around - but l do not feel this. Also, there are those who expect me to 'move forward '
How does one cope?