In praise of stuff

I like my stuff too! I rarely throw anything away unless it's broken or dangerous. I save every scrap of fabric and knitting yarn, all of which come in very handy when the grandies visit and we get "crafty" . I "inherited" my grandmothers button box which has provided countless bottons for projects and also helped many a little child when learning to count.

I am with MawB, it has taken me 67 years to accumulate all this stuff, but god help my descendants when I croak!

Purpledaffodil

I had the same problem with charity shops at the weekend, I’d had a sort out of the play room, and had a big bag of outgrown baby toys, a baby bouncer, playmat, and a baby walker, all in very good condition, clean and in some cases practically new.
We went to four shops before anyone would take it, and then they seemed very reluctant, went over everything looking for flaws I presume. We stood and watched, feeling like he was doing us a great favour!
I would have thought it was all very sellable, especially at this time of year.

Too late perhaps, but for baby clothes and equipment do consider finding out if you have a local “baby bank” (like a food bank)
Clean good condition clothes sorted into age/size and gender if applicable could be a godsend to mums in need.

Maw

Good thinking, wish I’d thought of it before, only been used here, so none of it had excessive use, I’ll definitely do that with the next batch

I cannot imagine what the very rude saying is that mumsnet all know about ?

I'm with Maw as well - but my attitude has changed slightly since we cleared out our parents house. Lots of others will have done this and found themselves overwhelmed with stuff. The process was positive but it did make me look at my own stuff and I'm trying not to hang on to things like cards because they have sentimental value. Not much though, is it!

Iam64

My mother in law appeared to have saved everything, a few years before she died we moved her into a retirement property and she was so reluctant to get rid of anything, she had three vacuum cleaners, literally hundreds of flower pots, we sneaked a lot of broken stuff to the tip, and thought we’d made quite a bit of progress, but when she died, we found she had saved every programme to everything she’d ever been to, thousands of photos, most of which we didn’t recognise, sad things, like notebooks obviously designed to remind her of things, when she realised her memory was going, every available space crammed with clothes, many items unworn, dozens of pairs of shoes, still in boxes.

It was a sad job, and while I don’t intend to completely declutter, I don’t want to leave them to face something like that.

I agree. When we sorted my parents' and PILs stuff, all that kept going through my mind was that I must not leave my own children such a mass of tings to sort through.

The low point was a battery operated ear wax remover complete with wax!

Oh yuck!
Didn’t know such a thing existed!

"Do I want it, do I love it, do I need it?"

If it fulfils one of those criteria then keep it.
We're trying to rationalise rather than do a clear-out of things we like but others may not.

I threw out all the baby equipment, some brand new, thinking that we would never have grandchildren and it worked.
Two arrived (like buses, you wait for ever and then two arrived in quick succession).

I don't need all this yarn, I don't need all this yarn.
Keep repeating ....

sue01 I still have my Muffin the Mule (somewhere).

The conjugation of stuff:

I have some charming bibelots
You have quite a lot of ornaments don’t you?
He/she has too much stuff
We have treasures which are linked to our memories
You have a lot of clutter
They are hoarders

SueDonim my mum was like your mum!

However, I did somehow manage to hang on to Muffin the Mule and my old school scarf.

And some books.
As soon as I left home she parcelled everything up and sent my bits and pieces to me!

My lovely MIL ..and I'm not being sarcastic...delights in telling me the amount of stuff we'll have to clear out when she dies.My SIL only took her clothes when she got married 30 years ago and all the things she collected for her "bottom drawer" were left behind so we have that and MIL's collections and FIL's stuff and he's been dead for 14 years ...even his ashes because she cant bear to part with them .
She forgets that I'm only a (very) few years off 70 and her son just a year behind me and still imagines we'll be fit and well when she does die which I'm sure wont be for a long time

I think Marie Kondo must be bad news for charity shops which are now overwhelmed with people's stuff.

When I, like others, cleared elderly parents belongings, I found it poignant that their cherished stuff, was meaningless and generally unwanted by others.

I have less emotional attachment to things as I age, and aim to only buy things that I need and I really don't like presents if they are not to be consumed!

I don't have trouble getting rid of things, and like to be uncluttered, but I appreciate we are all different.

Since I don’t ever intend to pass on into that great forum in the sky, I will keep my ‘stuff’ around forever.
Seriously though, do what makes you happy.
We will make sure all our children and grandchildren take the items they want and get rid of the rest any way they feel appropriate.Paperwork is important, and we have that under control by using a filing cabinet with all papers clearly marked, bank details etc etc.

Another with no time for the Marie Kondo's of this world. I have always been a tidy person and regularly clear out surplus goods to auction sales and charity shops. I have empty drawers and wardrobes in the house.

Nevertheless we live in a big house, that is not too big for u. We use every room. It has lots of old furniture, pictures and books, which we still add and abstract from and intend to contiue to do so. Why should we constrict and restrict our old age to match someone's idea of what is good for them.

I did suggest to DC that when we are gone they take what they want and then get house clearers in. They came down on me like a ton of bricks. They said that the sorting out of the house was part of the ritual of mourning and would help them become accustomed to the finality of our deaths.

That is a good point about ritual of mourning MOnica but I have had to house clear when a relative was still alive and in a nursing home. It's really hard when they're still alive but you have to dispose of much of their stuff.

I can imagine it now, one of our daughters poring over every photo, examining every object, every scrap of paper, going through every cupboard and drawer with a fine tooth comb, and the other two, impatient and exasperated, just longing to get a skip in.

I am the death cleaner in my family, including for my in-laws. My house is stuffed with family things. from photo albums to kitchen chairs. Not valuable stuff but well-made and built to last. Everything holds memories and nothing matches! I have my grandmother's chest of drawers and think of her every time I put clothes away or take them out. I have my brother-in-law's heavy velvet curtains in the bedroom. Every Christmas the roast is on a big plate that was a wedding present to my aunt & uncle.
My method is to sort and distribute amongst family anything specified in the will and then make sure they and the dead person's friends can choose items from the house that are not specified. Then it's local charities and anything else is skip or house clearance. Some charities do house clearances too.
The only drawback is when relatives bicker over a non-valuable but highly sentimental item. The Battle of the Breadboard ot The Seaside Souvenir Series of Skirmishes.

But monica have you read any of Marie Kondo’s books? She isn’t advocating minimalism, she is just giving advice on how to live with things you really love and need, rather than filling cupboards and rooms with stuff which is accumulated rather mindlessly. If you have filled your house with things you have bought or made because it gives you pleasure, you are doing exactly what she says. The things that don’t give us pleasure, like ugly ornaments given to us by long- dead or distant relatives, or clothes we have bought and worn once or twice and which always get pushed to the back of the wardrobe because we don’t like them, those are the things that clutter our lives. (And if you like the ugly ornaments because you loved the giver, then that is a good reason to keep them.)

I sometimes think that we can be overly sentimental about things which the original owner would not have wanted to keep anyway.

I met a woman on holiday whose husband had died a few years ago, and she told me that he was a keen photographer and she had lovingly kept and used his camera.

One day she thought "if he had lived, he would have ditched it by now and bought a new one". So she ditched it and bought a new one!

It's only stuff at the end of the day.

I haven't read Kthe Kondo books directly, but I have read tem serilised in papers and magazines.

What I remember so reading so clearly, is her saying that 30 books were enough. Dead stop and deep shudder in this member of a family branch of Bookaholics Anonymous. get rid of books?

Well,to be fair I do check our books about once a year and clear a foot or two to make room for the next year's purchases. Very few of our books are novels. They exist mainly on Kindles, but DH's collection of books on opera and music and mine on archaeology, and crafts, and architecture and interior design fill almost every room. A lot were bought secondhand and have a still realiseable value.