In praise of stuff

My mother was, probably still is, completely uninterested in anything which isn’t functional, we never had any ornaments or pictures, nothing which didn’t have a use. If you gave her a card for her birthday, she’d open it, say Thankyou, and put it straight in the bin.

I think this is why I like nice things around me, I get pleasure from just having them, but I am tidy, and everything has a place, so I don’t see a problem.

Callistemon, do we have the same mother!?

SueDonim my mother gave my nearly new bedroom furniture away to another family member!

I can still remember it [ sad] but I suppose she bought it, not me.

Callistemon when I left home I discovered on my first visit back that my mum had got rid of the furniture in my bedroom and my dad had installed his model railway in there!

My sister-in-law unearthed dh's Muffin The Mule and the membership card from the depths of MIL's house.

When we downsized, a good few years ago now, DH wanted to hire a skip and I said "No" as didn't want the neighbours to think our house was full of junk. However, after numerous runs to the local tip and various trips to charity shops I began to wish we had got a skip. DD also said nobody would want my old furniture but she was proved wrong as driving through town one day passing one of the charity shops we had donated to you their window had a display of my old kitchen dresser, my bureau and a couple of Edwardian chairs. I popped into town and took a photo and sent it to her to prove a point and it all went within the week. I am not a hoarder but do like "stuff". The only thing I had difficulty with was clearing the walls of pictures, drawings, etc. We couldn't use our main bathroom in the new property for months as the bath was the resting place for pictures, tapestries, etc, that I couldn't bear to part with. Luckily we had the luxury of an en-suite in our new property but that just meant it became more difficult to part with them but I did do a clearance exercise eventually.

I keep things so long, maybe up to 20 years, but then if I really do not like them they go, no matter how sentimental the connections. I have just sold an ornament that none of us liked, that I inherited from my mother. She was a lady of impeccable taste and this item was the one occasion it deserted her and she bought something that was truly ugly, somehow that endeared it to me. But she died in 1997, 22 years ago. I finally decided enough was enough and it has gone

DH has just bought a lovely antique barometer. Two ornamental wall tiles given to me by my sister years ago are going to make wall space. I do not dislike the tiles, but I have just decided they have had their day and owe me nothing. I expect my sister has by now long forgotten she gave them to me - and the barometer is attractive and DH is delighted with it.

Then,* monica* , you are following Marie Kondo to the letter: you are keeping things that bring you pleasure. She wrote originally for the Japanese. Shinto and Buddhism both abhor unnecessary possessions, and Japanese houses tend to be small, so that makes a difference. I have a lot of tchotchkes that people have given me, mostly from my children, but also relatives and in- laws. None of them are necessarily to my taste, but I can’t get rid of them, for sentimental reasons. Marie Kondo suggests photographing them and keeping them in a virtual album, but I have mine corralled in a display cabinet. However, when I moved I did get rid of all but six dinner plates- I had 52, of different vintage and patterns!

I agree with lemongrove when she says ‘do what makes you happy’.

Unless it’s a serious hoarding issue which could cause significant safety and health issues, then what someone likes to have in their home is their own business, really.

I’m rather like MOnica - we have a lot of things in each room which we love as they hold a special meaning, turning our house into a home, but every so often, we will get rid of some things or add something new. As for books, I have a lot, but every so often will have a clear out, although there are some I will never part with.

Paperwork gets filed and shredded when necessary, and magazines get passed on or recycled.

I’m sure my home will not to be everyone’s taste, but not everyone has to live here!

I personally dislike minimalism, it is not to my taste, though I know others love it, and that is their choice just as it’s my choice to have “stuff”. What I do dislike is untidiness, and everything has to go in its place once I’ve used it.

I must add, though, that as I’m typing this, I’m looking at my mantelpiece and think there’s too much on it, but not really sure where to put the excess!! Oh dear.. ??

I haven't read Kthe Kondo books directly, but I have read tem serilised in papers and magazines.

What I remember so reading so clearly, is her saying that 30 books were enough. Dead stop and deep shudder in this member of a family branch of Bookaholics Anonymous. get rid of books?

Well,to be fair I do check our books about once a year and clear a foot or two to make room for the next year's purchases. Very few of our books are novels. They exist mainly on Kindles, but DH's collection of books on opera and music and mine on archaeology, and crafts, and architecture and interior design fill almost every room. A lot were bought secondhand and have a still realiseable value.

I sometimes think that we can be overly sentimental about things which the original owner would not have wanted to keep anyway.

I met a woman on holiday whose husband had died a few years ago, and she told me that he was a keen photographer and she had lovingly kept and used his camera.

One day she thought "if he had lived, he would have ditched it by now and bought a new one". So she ditched it and bought a new one!

It's only stuff at the end of the day.

But monica have you read any of Marie Kondo’s books? She isn’t advocating minimalism, she is just giving advice on how to live with things you really love and need, rather than filling cupboards and rooms with stuff which is accumulated rather mindlessly. If you have filled your house with things you have bought or made because it gives you pleasure, you are doing exactly what she says. The things that don’t give us pleasure, like ugly ornaments given to us by long- dead or distant relatives, or clothes we have bought and worn once or twice and which always get pushed to the back of the wardrobe because we don’t like them, those are the things that clutter our lives. (And if you like the ugly ornaments because you loved the giver, then that is a good reason to keep them.)

I am the death cleaner in my family, including for my in-laws. My house is stuffed with family things. from photo albums to kitchen chairs. Not valuable stuff but well-made and built to last. Everything holds memories and nothing matches! I have my grandmother's chest of drawers and think of her every time I put clothes away or take them out. I have my brother-in-law's heavy velvet curtains in the bedroom. Every Christmas the roast is on a big plate that was a wedding present to my aunt & uncle.
My method is to sort and distribute amongst family anything specified in the will and then make sure they and the dead person's friends can choose items from the house that are not specified. Then it's local charities and anything else is skip or house clearance. Some charities do house clearances too.
The only drawback is when relatives bicker over a non-valuable but highly sentimental item. The Battle of the Breadboard ot The Seaside Souvenir Series of Skirmishes.

I can imagine it now, one of our daughters poring over every photo, examining every object, every scrap of paper, going through every cupboard and drawer with a fine tooth comb, and the other two, impatient and exasperated, just longing to get a skip in.

That is a good point about ritual of mourning MOnica but I have had to house clear when a relative was still alive and in a nursing home. It's really hard when they're still alive but you have to dispose of much of their stuff.

Another with no time for the Marie Kondo's of this world. I have always been a tidy person and regularly clear out surplus goods to auction sales and charity shops. I have empty drawers and wardrobes in the house.

Nevertheless we live in a big house, that is not too big for u. We use every room. It has lots of old furniture, pictures and books, which we still add and abstract from and intend to contiue to do so. Why should we constrict and restrict our old age to match someone's idea of what is good for them.

I did suggest to DC that when we are gone they take what they want and then get house clearers in. They came down on me like a ton of bricks. They said that the sorting out of the house was part of the ritual of mourning and would help them become accustomed to the finality of our deaths.

Since I don’t ever intend to pass on into that great forum in the sky, I will keep my ‘stuff’ around forever.
Seriously though, do what makes you happy.
We will make sure all our children and grandchildren take the items they want and get rid of the rest any way they feel appropriate.Paperwork is important, and we have that under control by using a filing cabinet with all papers clearly marked, bank details etc etc.

I think Marie Kondo must be bad news for charity shops which are now overwhelmed with people's stuff.

When I, like others, cleared elderly parents belongings, I found it poignant that their cherished stuff, was meaningless and generally unwanted by others.

I have less emotional attachment to things as I age, and aim to only buy things that I need and I really don't like presents if they are not to be consumed!

I don't have trouble getting rid of things, and like to be uncluttered, but I appreciate we are all different.

My lovely MIL ..and I'm not being sarcastic...delights in telling me the amount of stuff we'll have to clear out when she dies.My SIL only took her clothes when she got married 30 years ago and all the things she collected for her "bottom drawer" were left behind so we have that and MIL's collections and FIL's stuff and he's been dead for 14 years ...even his ashes because she cant bear to part with them .
She forgets that I'm only a (very) few years off 70 and her son just a year behind me and still imagines we'll be fit and well when she does die which I'm sure wont be for a long time

And some books.
As soon as I left home she parcelled everything up and sent my bits and pieces to me!

SueDonim my mum was like your mum!

However, I did somehow manage to hang on to Muffin the Mule and my old school scarf.

The conjugation of stuff:

I have some charming bibelots
You have quite a lot of ornaments don’t you?
He/she has too much stuff
We have treasures which are linked to our memories
You have a lot of clutter
They are hoarders

sue01 I still have my Muffin the Mule (somewhere).

"Do I want it, do I love it, do I need it?"

If it fulfils one of those criteria then keep it.
We're trying to rationalise rather than do a clear-out of things we like but others may not.

I threw out all the baby equipment, some brand new, thinking that we would never have grandchildren and it worked.
Two arrived (like buses, you wait for ever and then two arrived in quick succession).

I don't need all this yarn, I don't need all this yarn.
Keep repeating ....

Oh yuck!
Didn’t know such a thing existed!

I agree. When we sorted my parents' and PILs stuff, all that kept going through my mind was that I must not leave my own children such a mass of tings to sort through.

The low point was a battery operated ear wax remover complete with wax!