Letting go

Urmstongran have you posted on the wrong thread?

Yes!!

It seems the worry for my three adult children and their families is situational. When they are not settled, or going through a rough relationship, or their own job stress I have laid awake at night fretting about them. Couldn't help myself.

But some situations just need to work themselves out, and sometimes your children need you and your advice, or time, or babysitting services. There were times when one son needed a bit of a shaking (not literally, but I was tempted) to get his act together. You can only do so much and I try to not let it keep me up at night.

Helping them to help themselves is the goal for us. They are all very capable young adults with good partners. I think we are always learning, and hopefully the advice from us older parents with more life experience is taken into consideration.

I too want my children to be “happy”, but real life isn’t a constant happy bubble.
Happiness comes in bursts, and most of life is a mixture of different emotions.
I want my AC and my GC to be healthy, reasonably content with their lot, and to make the best of what life offers them.
If I can help I will, but mostly it’s up to them.

Having spent most of my own life getting it wrong, I wouldn’t dare to think I could solve anybody else’s problems.?

Eglantine

I know what you mean, what do I know?
I’m always very loathe to dish out too much advice, even when asked.

Polly I think it depends what stage in life your AC are at. I worried a great deal about my DD until she settled down aged 36 as she was so unhappy. Once they are settled and just experiencing life’s normal ups and downs I think you have no need to worry.

Mine now worry more about us.

Pollyj I am with you 100% I wish I wasn’t like this but I am. I have one DS who has gone through 2 years plus of trauma and I have been with him every step of the way.

I brought both my boys up to be independent and the edler left to go into the army at 19. The younger boy went flatting -with 5 girls! - at 17.

But it didn't stop them coming home for regular visits, talking over their troubles and having a good feed of Mum's home cooking.

In most cases they solved their own problems and I was happy about that.

BUT it didn't stop me worrying, however capable they proved themselves to be.

In later years, it's been the troubles brought about by other people's evil acts which have impacted on them and meant solving the problem has been taken out of their hands.

Sometimes, all you can do is pray, hope, wish, make a cuppa tea and tell yourself 'this too will pass'.

Yes. I worry about everything for them. They're still my children, always will be. Cut the apron strings?? What a load of tosh. Is that even possible??
I also CONSTANTLY worry about something bad happening to my Son who's cut himself off from me. It's driving me demented tbh. And no, keeping busy doesn't help.

Haha. You did make me laugh. Thank you!

My sons are middle aged men. I do still worry about them, (especially one at the moment who has big problems), but we have to take just a little step back I think, while at the same time being supportive if they need us.

Thanks, everyone. At least I know it isn’t just me. Much appreciate everyone for sharing their thoughts.

Gonegirl - that really made me laugh. What a great start to the day!

Gonegirl I love your attitude and would love to adopt it!( whether you meant it or not). I worry about my son who lives in NZ, he had a messy divorce and was on the phone to me daily. However now he has a lovely new girlfriend and is happy but hardly ever contacts me or even answer my texts! It’s hurtful but I suppose that’s what mums are there for, to be used when needed... he’s happy though which is the main thing I guess.
My daughter I don’t worry about so much as she has a stable relationship and 2 wonderful children who I see regularly. She knows I’d always be there for her if needed though.

Amen to Fennel`s post.

and GoneGirl.. LOL

Yes I worry about them all the time and also now about my GC. I am. Much more anxious about my childrens health and lives than my own. I can't help it. I remember my Mum telling me that you never stop worrying about your children no matter how old they are and I agree.

I'm with Gonegirl. Don't know what they're up to, don't care either

At my age they worry about me.

Well I worry about my two. I have since being a single parent when I wasn't able to give them as much as I wanted (mainly time, but other things too).

I still worry a lot about my DS who has suffered with MH problems over the years. I don't worry so much about my DD but wish she didn't have to work such horrible shifts for a pittance whilst trying to bring up her much longed for baby.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and worry who would look after their children if I was unable to. What a life.

I think this is just being a good parent , who gives a s##t about there children , even if the are grown . A good parent always wants the best for there children , no matter what . I will always put my children first .

Worrying doesn't give them the best though.
Worrying actually changes nothing at all, except possibly to worry your children that you're worrying about them.

My sons would not be interested in my advice. I worry about them silently.

Once you become a mother I think you sign up for a lifetime of anxiety about the health & happiness of your children no matter what age they are, which seems to increase as you get older. Then you get the grandchildren as well! I try to balance this with thinking how very lucky I am to have them all.

I only have one daughter who is married with two lovely children. The two of them haven't got a clue about money and I always seem to be bailing them out, even paying for a food shop one weekend because they were broke. I made the mistake of saying get a full shop and they spent £157!. He has a full time job but she looks after the children, one of whom is autistic. He decided that because he works he deserves a treat and spent £250 on a pushbike he hasn't even ridden yet, he has a car and a motorbike too. Yet when it came to the end of the month they had no money for food. So how far do you go, I can't see the grandchildren with no food but I've tried to make them sit down and do a budget to work out their finances properly.