Friend cries poor.

Willow10 you and me both, feel like I'm coming into a Dan Brown novel.

Willow10 . Me either

Willow10 nothing's" going on ", it's just one poster's over-zealousy, that's all. Looking into something that isn't there.

I'd be judging her too, definitely nt that poor that she can't afford expensive alcohol

I don't know what you mean Mary Eliza, just started reading this thread.
This has now got me intrested.

In my opinion with all the acronyms being needlessly used and now hints and sly mentions about coded messages it is developing into a rather unpleasant, clicks and not very welcoming site. It is like a click group in the playground whispering and excluding others . Not nice, please be kind to each other and less acronyms either real or made up please.

Oh no, I cant bear it any longer!! Please get back to the thread. ….

neither lender or borrower be.best way to lose a friend-lend them money.i would say give someone money as once you lend it there is a power imbalance. i had what i thought was a friend for 23 years, wealthy beyond belief,she asked if i could lend her some money?! when i said no ,phone slammed down by her,no explanations, i tried to enquire was she in some form of trouble-she has never spoken to me since...........

Am now intrigued by ‘codes in responses’

"give someone money as once you lend it there is a power imbalance."
I agree, redl.
Plus illfeeling if it's not repaid.

I think you had every right to comment. If she can't afford to eat how can she afford whisky at that price? I certainly wouldn't be inviting her for meals again or lending her any money. Have you had back what you lent her?

I'm baffled by all this talk of a code. Anyone care to enlighten?

I’m answering PMs and have been surprised at quite how many I’ve had - many from people who lurk and don’t post and had picked up on the same clues as me.

Maybe she's an alcoholic and that is contributing to her poverty.

Can't afford food but can afford alcohol - sounds as if there may be a little drink problem going on. I would give any more money.

Hi green eyes, are you worried about the money you have lent her or the fact she may have a problem with drink. I have found once I lend money to anyone and feel their is no chance I will get it back, after a while I let it go as a gift in my mind and learn from that. Have you any reason to believe she has a drink problem before you saw the 2 bottles of whiskey. If she has a problem she would be drinking any alcohol possible not a bottle that cost £50 unless it was a gift. I would keep in touch with her for the sake of the child, if you know for definite she is drinking I would certainly let the child's school know.

It seems to have been acknowledged up-thread that would-be 'code' relates to the 'welcome' messages to new Gransnetters.
But welcoming new members in this way is a common thing to do on forums, isn't it?

'course it is.

I don't actually go on any other forums.

They don't do it on Twitter.

Well they certainly do it on the gardening forum and the language forum that I use, and they are the friendliest bunch of people you could wish to meet, albeit virtually. Definitely no 'code' intended on those.

Coded messages?? I AM missing something!!

There's no mystery, and no code.

Some established posters just point out to others that the thread has been started by a new poster. This can occasionally, but by no means always, indicate that the poster is mischief-making.

I too think you did the right thing. After all, if the bottle of whiskey was a present for someone I assume she would have said so, instead of accusing you of judging her. That smacks of a guilty conscience to me.

If she has a problem with drink that hasn't yet got out of hand, your remark might just pull her up. If she is an alcoholic, sadly she will only ask for help if she herself one day wants to stop drinking.

Don't lend her money again - you don't know what the money goes on, and does she pay you back? I don't think you mentioned that.

Next time she complains of poverty, offer to help her make out a household budget. Lots of younger people have absolutely no idea how to go about that,

I would still invite her and the child for the odd meal, for the child's sake.

Acronyms aren't there to exclude anyone. They make it easier to post about grandchildren, great-grandchildren, daughters in law, etc, without having to type the full title every single time. There's a list at the top of the page for anyone not familiar with them, and it doesn't take long to get used to them.

Sorry, I should have said that my last post was in reply to Pippa22.