Friend cries poor.

I think I it was ok to mention it as you have previously lent her money and fed her.

I may or may not have said something but I sure as heck wouldn't be inviting her for meals or lending money ever again.
You don't know what she is telling other people. She may peddle the same story to others.

Wise up. She's taking you for a mug.

‘Judging’ is an easy accusation to throw at someone when you perceive they’ve said something critical and you’re feeling defensive.
I think as you had lent money and given her meals, you were justified in your comment, and no it wasn’t judgey.
I might have made a more jokey comment like ‘Gosh - how long is that going to last?!’ to see what the response was.
I suspect your young friend has a problem.
I agree with gabriella, don’t lend any more money, but perhaps take a keener interest in her child’s welfare.

I certainly wouldn’t lend her any money again. I’d probably be okay about sharing a meal with her and her child though, because she’s a friend.

Could she be alcohol do you think? That would explain the whiskey and the lack of money.

I thhink you were a bit judgie,you dont know why the alcohol was there ,it might have been bought for someone else or by someone else.If you think sh ehas a drink problem keep an eye on her for the childs sake and dont lend money if you think its being spent on alcohol.Food is different...even if she has a problem..or especially if she has so at least her child isn't going hungry.I had a sister who was an alcoholic and it was many years before we realised the money we gave wasn't being spent on the food or clothes she said the kids needed so we gave her the food or clothes instead.

You did the right thing to mention her 'stash' to her. It's a bit rich for her to be buying alcohol when she is (supposedly) so poor that she can't afford food!

I agree with other posters who suggest that maybe she has a problem with booze. (And, of course, if this is true she will be very defensive about it.)

If I were you I would be a bit sneaky. When you are at her home, can't you get to see what food is in the 'fridge? (Make a cup of tea, get the milk ...?)

Certainly, don't lend her any more money. If you like to have her and her child around for lunch or dinner, continue - if you can afford it. (But it sounds to me as if she's a 'taker'.)

But do keep an eye on the situation. That's very important for the child's sake.

Welcome, greeneyes, if you are new.

How very odd!

Ah a new poster Welcome Greeneyes

greeneyes has posted before.

Poor woman has some very unusual family issues.

I hope they are all sorted now greebeyes ?

I think you were right to mention it greeneyes in light of the fact that you have lent her money etc. I would not be lending money any more but you could always buy things for the child if you felt it necessary.
It's all relative isn't it, we have friends who say they don't have much money but have several holidays a year and have just bought a new Mercedes.

You were right to say something. If nothing else, her priorities are wrong and obviously no-one likes to have this pointed out.

Sounds like she has a drink problem as do many in Australia from what I came across when there.
If she IS a friend, have it out with her and find out what her real problem is. She could be a genuine case unlike some who cry poverty because they're down to their last few thousand !!

Well, of course you are judging her, who wouldn't be in those circumstances? And why should she complain about you noticing a blatant discrepancy between the story she has been peddling to you (and others?) and what she is actually spending her money on.

Presumably you judged her as in need of help, when you were being so generous with meals and money. Did she complain about you judging her then? We all make and act on our judgements most of the time.

My one worry would be the child. She is growing up in a home with an alcoholic single parent who puts her need of alcohol ahead of her child's need for sustenance and nurture. You may need to make a judgement on the child's welfare and if necessary report the family to your local child protections ervice.

Am I the only one who thinks there’s a sort of code/heads up being used by some posters on some threads?

That's an awful lot of alcohol to buy in one go. It's not like a bottle of wine. I'd be concerned, I think. Has she given you any reason to think there's a drinking problem, especially if you look back now in light of this?
As others have said, if you decide there's cause for concern, look put for the child. But certainly no more money

maryelizaI just reread your post. What do you mean? I may be being dense, but I really don't know what I'm missing.

I’ll pm you GMO later - I’ll get shot if I put my theory on the open forum but imo there’s a definite pattern emerging. Anybody else noticed it?

Maryeliza, not at all. I think you'll find that many have such problems but don't always divulge them. They don't post for the sake of just saying something. Each problem is individual and not a facsimile to another post.

EllanVannin, I don't think people in Australia have any more of a drink problem than those in any other country. Of course we have our fair share of those that do but so does the UK. Your comment is both unnecessary and unhelpful IMO.

No EV that’s not what I’m talking about at all - not the OP at all or the type of OP but a certain type of response to it which is imo a coded message to others in the loop.

They know who they are (if they are that is)