Adult daughter moving away

Many people on here have family living far far away My own son moved to NZ 20 years ago and both daughters moved to Europe one has been back now 11 years
I moved to Asia when I was 20
It’s very hard at first but it gets easier and where my poor mum and dad had to wait two weeks for a letter to even know. i had arrived we have such wonderful means of communication now you can keep in touch so easily
Hide most of your devastation and accept its their lives and save up for some wonderful holidays
Good luck

Hi 2Dogs and welcome.

Many of the people on this forum are in the same situation , so I'm sure you'll get good advice.

I know ( to some extent) how you feel. My daughter and her husband moved 1,000km away in January when he got "the job of a lifetime". I was devastated - my grandchildren are so precious to me and my husband ! Specially our granddaughter who has special needs, and is so loving to us. When I heard about the move, I felt the ground open up and swallow me - I was sure that I'd never cope . But I did - Just !

We talk often on FaceTime on their mum's phone, and we have Skype talks once a week . Just seeing them smiling and hearing their stories makes us feel wonderful. We also send them "real" letters and pictures every week, and encourage them to write back. It all helps .

We're lucky that we can travel there pretty easily - since January we've been there twice and tomorrow we're off again. You do what you have to do !

I know it's hard to accept that they must go and fly away, following their dreams. My mother left Canada in 1938 to marry my English Dad - she didn't see her own mother for 10 years . We're so lucky that travel is easier these days !

Best wishes to you - I know it's hard, but like many of us here, it can be done.

Welcome 2Dogs WhatsApp video calls are brilliant for keeping in touch. I talk every fortnight with my son, sometimes more if my 3yo grandsons 'steal' his phone and press random buttons.
Please be prepared for minimal communication when they're settling in though, it will be a very busy time for them.

Hi 2Dogs I feel the same way as Wobbles so many means of communication now, get you and your family organised with Whatsapp or similar. Be proud you have brought up a confident independent daughter who feels able to make her way in the world.
Don't sit around moping get out and about with those two dogs and enjoy your life too.

Same situation here back in 1980. The first thing I did was to save up for my airfare to visit as soon as possible. It was something I felt I had to do to " settle myself " after having been so devastated at them leaving.
In 1982, I went there,albeit for only 3 weeks because of work but was so glad I had gone as it made a difference to my state of mind. After that, I'd vowed I would visit for as much as I could and for longer stays each time ( 3 months ) so in all it was 5 visits then they came here. Gladly I'll see them in June when they come to the UK for a month, though travelling and holidaying abroad I'll know that I'll see them regularly.

My DG lives in Sydney and although I wasn’t ecstatic when she moved there 20 years ago I wasn’t devastated either.
I’d lived a fairly peripatetic life with family on the other side of the world.
It’s so much easier now to keep in touch with phones, FaceTime ect.
I find using messenger so useful. Because of the time difference it can be difficult to catch each other at a mutually convenient time so these little messages are so handy.
One of the things that I found hard , and still do, is the lack of things to talk about. The political situation here, for instance, is of no interest to her and I don’t even know who their prime minister is.
We have visited every other year and they have come over here when we don’t go there. We do know the area where she lives and quite a few of her Aussie friends and relations now so that makes it easier.
It’s not the ideal but it’s doable and I hope you find your way of managing it.

I am in the UK and my son moved to Canada 16 years ago. It is hard when your child moves so far away, but you deal with it. Sixteen years ago technology wasn't what it is now, so our communication was weekly phone calls and emails.

Nowadays there are many ways of keeping in touch, Skype, Facetime, Whatsapp etc. I never feel left out of my son's life. I now have a little Canadian grand daughter who knows who I am and gets very excited when we speak on Skype each week.

It will get easier, and think of the lovely holidays you can have. Some of my best times have been when visiting Canada

I can't envisage another trip to Oz due to my now state of health and the insurance will be like paying another fare. This is the saddest part for me if I think about it too much as her visit in June could be my last time that I'd see her. It's a really horrible feeling and one that I have to keep right at the back of my mind or I'd sink into a depression.

My daughter and family moved to Vancouver, Canada, about 18 years ago, and she and her daughter have now moved back to the UK, 6 months ago. When they went to Canada my husband and I vowed to visit them every year and we did. She showed us a lot of the country including the mountains, ski areas, etc. Then they moved to Vancouver Island and we visited them there, and saw the beautiful countryside around there too. When we got back we kept in touch by telephone every week.
These days communication and travel is quite easy. Try and save for the occasional holiday, and you will enjoy seeing them and their new country. Enjoy it while you can, because as EllanV says, sometimes your health may get in the way.

EllanVannin I do feel for you. Both my son and daughter live in Oz and the increase in travel insurance as I'm on my second hip replacement and various pills is quite significant I have to say....even without taking age into consideration.

You do get used to it, DD moved to Europe ten years ago and I find that I see her just as often as I did before the move. She has no family so not as bad as those missing DGC.

If you have a smart phone make WhatsApp your friend.
I use it with my adult children in the USA and Southern Ireland. The children love it too. It's not the same as being close - but it does feel much closer.
You will survive.
All the best.

Oh how I feel your pain my DD and family moved to Australia 8 years ago we are a small family and I was devasted to say the least. I was vocal with my thoughts but not rude or aggressive just pure raw emotion spilling out. The days months leading up to the move were tough but in the end what can you do as you say it’s there dream. They built a business from scratch so couldn’t come home for holidays, I’ve been out there 5 times and omg there life style is lovely and I love going there. I go for 5 weeks usually and it is good quality time spent with them morning noon and night.However last summer they were able to come home for there first holiday in 7 years and they loved it and realised how much they missed home, they went back in October and are now packing to move back in June. We can’t believe it until it happens.
All I can say is I know how it hurts but hopefully with social media these days you can chat regularly and keep up with there life’s, they will be homesick my daughter went on a website called poms abroad it’s for all the English living there to support each other as she was homesick for best part of 2 years but then settled in. Hopefully you are in a position where you can go and visit if you look at booking tickets and arranging best time to go it will take the edge of there leaving date as you will know when your seeing them again and it will give you something to look forward to. My grandchildren FaceTime me now on a regular basis now there older. The loss is huge but find something you like doing to help fill it till the sadness fades.x

I did it too 2Dogs, like you without a backwards glance.
Just try to be happy for them. And remember what it felt like to be so free.

DS (our only child) & DiL went to USA 23 years ago. They now have two children and a very American lifestyle, and will not be coming back to the UK any time soon! I find that it has got easier, as time goes by. (DH & I have been fortunate in seeing them annually.) I do sympathise with what you are feeling. Can you focus now on planning a trip to visit them - perhaps that will help?

2Dogs I haven’t got over it yet and my then future son-in-law (though I didn’t know that would be the outcome at the time) produced air tickets and whisked my daughter away to his country at a few days’ notice just two weeks before Christmas 15 years ago. They have never had enough money to pay for air tickets once their family began to grow and their last visit cost me my all so may well be the last time I see them in real life.

When I was younger, mobile and could afford it I went over there for the births of my grandchildren and whenever they moved home. If you are young enough, fit enough and can afford it then go and visit as often as you can. Skype and FaceTime don’t help me much as the grandchildren grow up.

My only comfort is to know that the air where they are is fresher and the life healthier. At Christmas here one of the children remarked that ‘it doesn’t feel like Christmas’. Her mum laughed and said she was missing the barbecue and sunshine which was the Christmas she was used to all her life.

It is sad for me but for them it is a good life and when all’s said and done that is what matters most.

My son moved to OZ 10years ago mans is now married and expecting their long awaited baby.
I feel sad I can’t stand by his side on days when we need to feel close but you do Cope in a kind of automatic sense.
My dream is they will come home ...
But the most important thing is they are healthy and happy and as a mum what more can I ask

I have been on both sides of the coin. I wanted to move to Australia in 1974 as a £25 Pom with my first husband. We had accommodation and jobs lined up but his father cried and begged him not to go so it never happened.
My youngest daughter went out to Australia 17 months ago on a 1 years work visa but decided to stay and has gained a permanent right to be there.
This was very hard for me as I hadn’t mentally prepared for it as I was thinking she was coming back. We talk regularly on WhatsApp (brilliant) and I am going to visit her in December (can’t wait). She loves it there and I see what she is doing all the time on Facebook and Instagram as she is always posting stuff.
I just love to see her happy.

We moved 25 years ago, 300 miles south of where the rest of my family lived. You’d have thought we’d emigrated by my mothers reaction. She cried all the time in the weeks leading up to our departure, couldn’t help out at all and couldn’t bear to see the house crammed with full packing boxes. Needless to say we left without anyone seeing us off and every time I rang home mum cried which upset my then 9 yr old son. Harsh words had to be spoken whereby I said she wouldn’t be able to speak to him anymore if she kept crying. That did the trick and 3 months after we’d moved she got acceptance. The point of this ramble is her reaction to our move made it much more difficult for her, as we went anyway and it would have been much better all round if she’d had accepted things earlier. My dad was very philosophical and said we were doing the right thing for us. My in-laws were v pleased as they had a new holiday destination in Suffolk!
Mum and a Dad did enjoy lots of holidays with us too it’s a shame the start wasn’t more positive.

I'm in the same position, my DS and family moved to Canada 6 years ago. Its very hard but I think you need to be proud to have raised confident adults who are capable of making their own decisions. for you

Friends of mine have a son, ddil and dgs in Oz. My friends stay in uk for six months of the year then go to Oz for the other six months.

My daughter moved from UK to New York about 6 years ago to work. It was a great opportunity for her and intially she thought it would only be for 18 months to 2 years. But obviously 6 years later she is still there, and has met a lovely man is is getting married in August. So I have to resign myself to the fact that I am never going to have her around the corner to meet up with for a coffee and a quick chat.

I felt devastated like you do now, it was the first thing that I thought of when I got up and the last when I went to sleep. It gets easier, as everything does with time.

We have managed to visit her 3 times in New York, and she has been over here at least twice a year including Christmas. We Whatsapp to each other often and Facetime whenever we can, but time differences can be restrictive.

It will be as hard for your daughter to leave you, regardless of what their dreams are, it is a trade off, so there will be many tears from everyone, but be proud of the young lady she has become and how strong she is to pursue her dreams.

There will be family times you will both long to be together, but make sure every time there is a family get together you Facetime/skye each other. My daughter Facetimes with her 21 month twin nephews, and they laugh and chatter to her in their way. Makes the world a smaller place (well just a little).

On a personal note, my daughter has made two trips over to the UK in the last week, because her precious cat (who lives with me) was very poorly, and very sadly went to sleep on Wednesday. Emotions are very raw at the moment and she is heartbroken, and at times like these you just want to put your arms around them everyday, but she had to go straight back to NY.

Start planning your first visit to her, find yourself something exciting to do/go to a couple of weeks after she leaves, keep yourself busy.

I am sending you a big hug and your daughter very best wishes on her new adventure.

Sorry this is a bit long winded, I do go on a bit!!

Hiya , I can so relate. I already had a daughter who had settled there on her own who now has a partner and a newborn that I haven’t yet to cuddle. Then to make matters worse my other daughter , her husband and there 2 year old son up and left to go join them. I wanted them to go as they have so many more opportunities there but it literally broke my heart and I still cry now when I think of it as it does hurt but they needed to do this and I would def not stand in there way how ever much it hurt. I wrote my daughter a letter which I gave to my SIL to give to her on the plane saying things I couldn’t really say to her face without bawling
To make matters worse I was due to be going to Oz on the 1st April for 7 weeks to see them both but due to a bad illness I have had to cancel but I’m hoping to go at Xmas when my youngest daughters ‘baby’ will be over 1, so I never got to see him as a baby and I feel like I’m missing out on their lives
But yes can so relate xx if you ever want to chat by all means please feel free to message me

My DD, husband and ONLY grandchild live in the USA and there isn't a day when I don't miss her and miss my baby grandchild. It's very hard. I try to get out as often as I can and was quite fortunate to be there when the baby was born and I have tried to see her regularly since (difficult as it is so far and costly). What with SKYPE and FACETIME and free calls, you will be able to speak regularly.If you want to private message me please do. I envy all you grans who spend (daily) time with their grandchildren, you don't know how lucky you are even though it might be difficult at times.