Really worried about 12 year old grandson

Could you or his Mum be with your grandson when he tells his Dad? I realise not all separated couples could manage this.

If he’s been a bit quiet recently it sounds as though there’s something on his mind. Are you sure he’s not being bullied by anyone to steal things? Does he have some good friends?
Something made him do this out of character thing. I think a quiet talk with you and his mum until you find out what’s going on.

I don’t think he’s being bullied he’s got a few friends who all seem like decent lads when I’ve seen them. He’s only been at the school since October though so he could be meeting new Friends all the time.

Is the dad bullying him ?

No he’s just really strict with gradson and his other older kids from his first marriage there like 18-20 now though

Please try not to worry too much. My middle aged son did exactly the same at that age. Got caught, was thoroughly told off by the shop owner and never, ever, did it again. Normal family, no break ups (then), so no reason other than he thought it was a good idea at the time. The fact my son got caught first time was the best thing for him.

I think some counselling would be of help for all four of you.

This boy is clearly traumatised by his parent's separation and now seeing so little of either parent, with his mother working such long hours. His action strikes me as cry for help from a sad and uncertain boy at critical time in his life.

The family need help. Parents and child, so that he can understand what is happening to them and they can fully understand how traumatic it is for him and both by word and action show him that he is the most important person to both of them. You need help to know exactly what you can do to ensure these outcomes.

GillS ??

It’s got even worse the shop have rang me again today as they were going through there cctv grandson and one of his friends were captured on Camara putting sweets into grandsons bag on Sunday afternoon grandson wearing the same cloths so they new it was him as soon as they zoomed in on his face ?

I’ve just told grandson that the police have also contacted me and they want him and his friend to go for voluntary interviews obviously me or his mum have to sit in the interview with him.

Could one of these voluntary interviews end up with him being arrested ? ?

Grandson is devastated I’m also really worried and upset I haven’t told his mum yet as she’s at work until 10 tonight.

I’ve just hugged him and told him not to worry but I’m really worried myself ?

I wish that parents would consider the children when separating/divorcing

Because living with 2 miserable parents who hate each other is just great for kids??

OP shoplifting isnt necessarily a symptom of a deep dark issue. Its risk taking/testing behaviour that a lot of teens try.

If it is persistent then it is probably a sign of a bigger problem

There are things that can be done to scare kids about age of legal responsibility but your GS sounds like he has been sufficiently scared.

Oh dear - he has given it a try and is taking the consequences - I would guess that he is being egged on by other children who say how easy it is. He has to allowed to take the consequences of his actions and you should not protect him too much. He will get a royal telling off and he deserves it. Hopefully it will put him off another attempt.

It is so hard trying to deal with boys at this sort of age - they do push the boundaries.

The fact that he is so BAD at it is somewhat reassuring.

He tried something his mates talked about. This wont be the last time, he will probably try other things they talk about like drinking, smoking/vaping, drugs etc

He’s a good kid and his friends are aswell I don’t think he knows what drugs even are and I don’t think he will smoke he doesn’t like it when his mum does.

Hopefully tomorrow will turn out to be a good thing I’m dreading the worse though ?

When I was a teen it was the kids of parents who were confident that their kid would never do drugs/sex etc who were doing the most of all of it!

Those of us whose parents acknowledged that it wasnt just "bad" kids who tried things, tended to be more moderate in our experimentation

What would actually happen if they arrest him ??, ?

Police wont arrest for shoplifting thefts of less than £50 value where I live

A lot of kids muck about and test boundaries. I don't suppose the police will be surprised and they may be able to help you all through this.
It sounds like your DGS wants to keep in with the "cool guys" and you have to be careful how you handle him. You are doing well so far and he's lucky to have you.
I wish you and his mum well for coping with this crisis.

When we found some young lads caught vandalizing our community garden, they got a quite scary talking to by the police and we never had any more bother.
There was also an offer to help us in the garden but I'm afraid I was still too angry to want their help!

He was With his best friend when they did it on Sunday he’s a good lad aswell never really gets into trouble at home or at school like grandson.

It’s so out of character from both of them I think grandson will be in much more trouble as he did it again on his own aswell ?

You keep saying he's "good" and this is "out of character"

There arent two types of kids, good and Denis the Menace bad

Doing a bad thing isnt "out of character" for good kids.

Everyone is shades of grey

The mother of one if the vandals also said her son was such a good boy.......
She later admitted that his behaviour had changed recently since his dad had remarried. I could have been kinder to her but as I said I have no sympathy at all with vandals.

I didn't think this was the first time he'd done it - didn't you post about this before itsjo?
What happened last time when the police came to the door?

He’s never been in trouble with the police before it will be the first time he’s ever been to the station tomorrow security didn’t catch grandson and his friend on Sunday they just caught grandson on his own Wednesday night

Perhaps a different poster then and a different child, it's just that when I read your OP I had a feeling of déjà vu

Would there potentially be the need for a lawyer if my grandson was arrested when we go tomorrow ??